In news that sent stock markets plumeting, caused world leaders to mobilize their military forces and place their itchy trigger fingers on the big red button that says 'IN CASE OF A MAJOR FUCK UP, PRESS THIS', religious authorities to condemn and denounce its vile unholiness, arising from the dead to blow away all the cocksucking pretenders of the record label business back into the decrepit arsehole of obscurity... SHINY METAL ASS RECORDS has been resurrected to due unprecedented public outrage and disgust that the label ever existed. Like a pair of drug fucked idiots, Tomi Kosari (of The Infidels! and Dies Irae notoriety) and Plastic Statue of Bender have set about to reconquer the world through barrages of unlistenable music...

'What...who said that?' mumbled Kosari when prodded rudely by a microphone from a journalist seeking answers to this terrible crisis. 'Oh...Shiny Metal Gumballs...yeah. Hang on, Shiny Metal Ass Records...yeah, we are back. Me, Guadelope, the Plastic fucking robot, Habib, our new bitch face secretary slut cum guitarist Jenny Donkeypunch are doing this because sitting around doing fuck all doesn't pay the drug dealer and Jenny's pimp...I'LL KILL THAT COCKSUCKER!....Yeah.'

'We are like, the coolest label ever bro...its fully sick. Say anything to the contrary and me Lebanese brothers will bomb your fucking house into the Stone Age...Stone...hehe, reminds me of stoner. Fully sick!' This was an unintelligable and rather stereotypical rant from Habib, who seemed to be pocketing a knife in his trousers and carrying boxes of pizza.

All Guadelope could say, whilst been restrained by security forces...or it may have been a bunch of emo street punks, 'I KILL YOU!. Plastic Statue of Bender loomed ominously inside the offices of SMA Towers and remained silent...awaiting a possible raping at the hands of one of the more amorous members of Madbirds who took a rather disturbing liking to the seemingly murderous office sentinel during their breif stay on the label many moons ago.

'There are so many labels man...its sickening. They all suck, except that mob Art is Bullshit, I think thats their name, so we thought we would just make it worse. That label called Majur...Maraua....err, just call it the Weed label, has potential. I mean, come on! They are named after weed man! Ownage! Not to mention our best buddies Suicide Party needed a label so we thought that its as good as time as any, plus The Infidels! are going to cock rape your ears with new material. We have at least two albums worth and counting. Most of it clocks in at ten seconds but its pure unmitigated politicall incorrect gold...crap. We are leaning towards 'Silence! I Kill You!', its another one about dead terrorists or 'Cephalic Carnage Wish They Were Us but are too Gay to Admit They Are Gay'. Gay, what a great word, funny how that one got hijacked by those sneaky back alley fuckers...I dont know. Meh, who gives a fuck'


Be alert...and very fucking alarmed.


GAYEST HOMEPAGE EVER



BANDS
The Infidels!- Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi's favourite Jihad approved band
Suicide Party- Can they really get any shitter?
Infernal Tribute- Legendary Death/grind wackjobs obsessed with beer, nazis and McDonald's...or was that Sons of the Reich?
Witchcult- That cult...geddit?
K.I.C.K.A.R.S.E- Smashing mash potato thrashers...is there anything more sensational?
Sudan- prog metal legendariness
Enoch- prog everything
The Grand Society Collective- PROG PROG PROG!
Pharoahs- Jazz widdly PROG!
The Theosophical Society- PROOOOOOOOG!
Electrodeath- Death by electro-nes or something

FORMER FUCKTARDS WHO DECIDED TO QUIT!! GO GET YOUR ASSES FUCKED BY PEDOPHILES!
Scum Fucks

RELEASES
Albums

SMA1...Witchcult-'In the Swamps of the Lost'
SMA2...Suicide Party 'Reeeeeeeeetard'
SMA3...Suicide Party 'The Lost and the Damned
SMA4...Scum Fucks 'I Fuck Everything I Kill, I Kill Everything I Fuck'
SMA5...Scum Fucks 'Censor This Motherfuckers!
SMA6...Scum Fucks 'Bastard Child

Singles
SMA1...The Infidels!-'Hippy Invasion
SMA2...Suicide Party-Hungry, Hungry Hookers

SPECIAL STUFF
Infernal Tribute 'The Satanic Cult of Infernal Tribute Double CD with DVD
Infernal Tribute 'Brutal Orgasmic Symphonic Orchestra
Infernal Tribute The Manifest Of Drugs, Evil & Sin Limited Edition Digipak



TOURS/RIOTS/PUBLIC HUMILIATIONS
None sadly

Edited by user 10 August 2010 21:27:03(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

From his haunted Castle in Weston Super Mare or was it Kensington Palace? ... Tomi Kosari speaks...

'I in no way whatsover...call me later girls and we will speak...condone the breaking of legally approved contracts between bands and labels that would be upheld in a court of law..unless said label would do swapsies for a big bag of cocaine from my British Colombian drug friends. That aside I am not a band stealer'

In other news, the most legendary grinding death heads from long ago INFERNAL TRIBUTE have signed a vague and open ended deal with SMA Records that promises a long line of beer, drugs and burgers, with the possibility of Miguel and Jesus inflicting the horror that was Sons of the Reich (thats their side project if you dont know, signed previously to SMA) upon the world. More brilliantly wrong and offensive bands to come...hopefully.

'Therrrrrrrrrrrrs Johnny! Hello! Hehehe!

Tomi waves and giggles like a bitch...

'Zombies?!?! Where? OH FUCK!

Tomi runs wildly into the distance...like a bitch.


ooc: Which day are we talking about? Grand Final Day? Bushfire day? Christopher Wayne Hudson day?

Murder: The best motherfucking label around! Suicide Party are proud to be back!

Katie: It is true! I knew this day would come when I could say I am On Shiny Metal Ass Records!

'Good news everybody!'

Arising from the sodden earth like flesh hungry Zombies hell bent on the eradication of the pathetic race that is mankind, SHINY METAL ASS RECORDS have re-emerged from exile...one of deranged drug addled, booze fueled paranoia brought on by a three week bender that culminated in the arson attack on Plastic Statue of Bender and the burning down of the fabled SMA Towers.

The first ever offically official release under the reincarnated banner of grinding horror and abject disgust has come from The Infidels!.

Hippy Invasion!

1. Hippy Invasion!
2. Achmed and His Amazing Explosive Packed Suicide Vehicle Parked Outside a Hotel
3. Keyboards Are Gay...Like Gay People (Live from Japan...errr, Korea, a long time ago)

It shows inclinations of funkified futurist doom grind in 'Hippy Invasion' and Middle Eastern Jihadi chantings mixed with vomiting vocals and a crusty, snotty nosed sound. The third track is an extremely rare live recording from a show in Korea a last year where Tomi though he was in Japan, crash tacked his keyboard, hurled it at the audience and had Guadelope piss on the amp stack and set it on fire. The single shocking debuted at 56 at sold just over ten THOUSAND copies. The release has been banned in Korea.

Meanwhile, the band continue to lurch drunkenly towards their latest record....'Abu Musab Al Zaqawi's Favourite Jihad Approved Band' and have voilently hinted at a sound that teeters between James Brown, suicide bombings, Cannibal Corpse, The Crazy Satsumas and the sounds of morning prayers in a Birmingham mosque.

All other bands on this label are asked to LET TOMI KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU LAZY ARSE LICKERS ARE DOING....IMMEDIATELY!

ooc: What I meant was 'official RSG release since releases have begun'...really, I cant even find Witchcult in the game...care to give us a link perhaps? I'll search your stuff and add it to the main page in any case.

IC:

In other fantastic news, the latest edition of the Rockstar Magazine richlist has listed The Infidels! as the 31st most richest band going around. Not to mention there are rumours of a second single on the way. Good grief.

Edited by user 07 June 2009 01:00:18(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

ooc: Fair enough, I didn't realise that. In any case, its been corrected.

"Good news everyone"

Shiny Metal Ass Records are still alive....only just however. It's survived with the horrific detaining of The Infidels! in Turkey. For awhile it appeared to be a shadow of its former glorious twisted self as all the bands were all quiet on their respective fronts. However, not too long ago, we received brand new material from our great drinking buddies Infernal Tribute as part of our weird and fucked up contractual arrangement that we share with the band and Negative Records. It's their sixth album, The Manifest Of Drugs, Evil & Sin, a hilariously fucked up cross over, SOAD styled Nuclear Assault. It hasn't dissapointed. Get it now, a special limited edition digipak thingamajiggy thats not too pricey...because we are nice like that. BUY IT YOU MAGGOTY FUCKSTICKS!

Just a note. Suicide Party were also signed to M/M before it collapsed, and are also signed to Metamorphosis. Do they collect labels or something?
-Baroness Kash van Mouschi [manager & rich bitch // K.I.C.K.A.R.S.E.]