 Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 21/07/2009(UTC) Posts: 54,410   Location: Leeds, England Thanks: 3470 times
Was thanked: 11553 time(s) in 5888 post(s)
|
[A note from the band] Ways to piss off the geeky webmaster number one: Change the name of your band TEN minutes before your website goes live! Not only does he have to abuse "Find And Replace" on MS Word like a cheap ho charging waaaayyyyyy over the odds, but he has to find a new URL and domain and other stuff which contains words and letters we are far to cool to understand in it whilst we stand behind him shouting "Coooommmmeeee oooonnnn maaaaan!". Seriously, as far as my websurfing goes is typing youporn into the search bar with one hand, and looking up the seven million different definitions of "penis" on Urban Dictionary" and laughing at how many sad little sluts write, "the thing which gives me pleasure", when in reality, they have never been close enough to even smell a cheesy cock. Oh, I also browse Facebook sometimes...just to see if any chicks I went to high school with have put up any smoking hot bikini pics...if so...revert to youporn. Anyway, he's so mad at us right now that he has an erection like a raging....baby carrot! Oh dear man....good career choice though. Anyway....to the website!  [Welcome] Welcome to the official website of Inner City Sumo....please enjoy and....stuff. Please do not close this site to view porn on your computer...and if you do...for the love of god...do NOT pay for it! It's free everywhere. If you don't know where to find it, then email the site under "contact us". Not only will you find lots of free stuff....which is way cool, but also you will wind up our webmaster even more! WIN! [The Band] Imagine the situation, right, where you leave high school with some pretty low grades...you don't go to college, and then bam, you're 27! That happened to ICS and it was freakin' awesome dude! Imagine 9 years of partying, growing beards just to shave into funny patterns, and filming youtube videos where you make it look like a teddybear is masturbating. Whatever you did following high school, it clearly was nowhere near as cool! Unless it was, in which case I want to know you!
O...k...about the band. Is that like a bio? Right. "Inner City Sumo is a punk-pop three piece from San Diego, California! The band was formed in August 2011"...that's the douchiest intro I've ever read. The band was formed when each member's parents simultaneously conducted some sort of child hating mutiny (bastards), and decided that they wanted us to fend for ourselves!
We have never worked in 27 years each...totalling 81 years of being complete burdens on people who have worked hard...aka "parents". Not wanting to destroy that proud record, but also carrying quite the penchant for beer food and titties, we decided we wanted to be rock stars. We have all learned to play something at various points in our lives....and we aced "Hot For Teacher" on expert on Guitar Hero World Tour....I swear we actually did. And GH is much harder than real guitars...so we decided "fuck it!" And became a band, just like...BAM...that!
But who are we? Well....you know those guys in school who were homophobic...but not in the way that they hate gay people...just that they are so immature that they shout "ewwww" if they see a man wearing a jacket at any time between May and November? That's us. Expect lots of jokes about bums and fucking people's dads because you're gay...but don't take offence, we don't hate gay people at all. It's just funny.
We like skateboards, women, beer, weed and clothes that are far too fashionable for guys of our age! In case you didn't get it...we are here to laugh. Laugh with us! Have a beer, make your bear have a wank and post it on youtube. FUCK! We should have called our band If Peter Pan Was Stoned...that would soooo describe us better than this shitty name!
Anyway, we might make some music sometime....but really we are just killing time and smoking weed. [The Staff..aka...Band Members] Zac Williams Name: Zac Williams.
Born: 24/02/1984, San Diego, CA.
Plays: Bass, vocals.
Favourite artists: Electrodeath!Zac plays the bass and "sings" in this band. I....I mean he...hasn't garnered possession of the best vocal skills on the planet, but he enjoys singing about small penises and aids. He apparently believes that everyone is born with aids...and you have it taken away once you prove yourself to be straight. If you find this offensive....then we apologise. Travis Farro Name: Travis Farro
Born: 27/08/1984, San Diego, CA.
Plays: Guitar, vocals.
Favourite artists: Riot! In The Boulevard, PANIC!Without doubt, this guy is the talent in the band. He actually knew how to play an instrument before the band were even formed (weirdo....gay....etc), and brings a little bit of knowledge to the writing process...of like...what makes sense and stuff. He also harbours NO offensive theories about aids or any other HIV related illnesses....but also doesn't mind singing about blue waffles, pornography and overblown boobies. He claims to have fucked "everyone's" mom! Josh Pope Name: Josh Pope.
Born: 01/04/1984, San Diego, CA.
Plays: Drums.
Favourite artists: Mind, REALM, Suicide Party.Josh is the real alternative guy in ICS. Apparently having spent the best part of his adult life being tattooed....Josh looks FUCKING AWESOME! He also loves metal and likes to hit stuff hard. He has a penchant for violence, and has been known to fight people in any bar he ever enters. How cool, right? Josh is more likely to fuck your sister than your mom...and then invite you to smell his penis....and then punch you for being gay for trying to smell his penis...we are not sure if he is quite "all there". He doesn't speak very often you see. [The Music]
COMING SOON Edited by user 16 September 2011 07:17:53(UTC)
| Reason: Not specified |
 1 user thanked genocidal king for this useful post.
|
|
