interviewer:it's the time if year where the wind turns crisp and the chocolate starts being hot.it's also the time of year where some of the hess ladies get together and produce sixties girl group magic.

Erica: our music is so good that phil spector would kill to produce us.

Interviewer: that joke was in poor taste.

Nina: love,its been long enough. plus look at his hair. fucking tired of weirdos with bad hair.

Interviewer: can i finish my intro now? please?

erica: *shakes her head slowly* no. you were bombing out there.

interviewer: *tilts head and stares blankly* really,ladies? you're still doing the "not doing interviews interview" bit? i thought the cass-ettes were more serious.

Erica: and that is what we call "attachment". the suffering you feel is exactly what the buddha was describing.

interviewer:moving on. the cass-ettes have a semi revolving line-up.

erica:*interrupting* did you just call us revolting?!

Interviewer: REVOLVING.

Erica: don't raise your voice at me,interview boy.

Interviewer:........a semi revolving line-up. could you tell us who the cass-ettes are this year?

erica: there is the constant of myself,mariko,and karoliena. though for certain songs,i may take lead or karoliena may take lead,we like to have an overall lead. most years it is hess clan manager extraordinaire and karoliena's wife,casssie summers. this year its my super talented, bff,nina! *hugs nina tightly,who's eyes slightly bug out from the force*

Nina: *prying erica off of her* erica's love hurts...yup,love the cass-ettes are my time to shine,love. i fucking hate the choreography though. rest assured,i'm miserable with every little turn.

interviewer: normally you play guitar for the harlots. how different is leading the cass-ettes?

nina: not much, really. erica and i play off each other so much on stage,i'm pretty much front and center anyway. with the cass-ettes,i just don't have a guitar hiding most of me.

Erica:*pats nina's head* baby thinks shes a front woman.

nina: shut up, david lee cock.

erica:you first,eddie van bitchlan.

nina: was that cheesy bad or so cheesy it was funny?

Erica: no clue. i'm just glad we could fit it in.

interviewer: so,erica..how is it not fronting the group?

Erica: i think its great! i can just chill and throw in an "oooooh" here and a shimmy shake there and i'm good.

interviewer:safe to say you enjoy the choreography part?

Erica: YES!

nina: fucking hate it.

erica: how can a musician as talented as you,have bad rhythm?!

nina:fuck if i know,love. i think i only have rhythm in my arms or something. dancing is so hard!

erica:its barely dancing!

nina:next question!!

interviewer: audiences seem to look over any flaws in dancing,praise seems to be universal for this incarnation of the cass-ettes. the consensus seems to be the nina sangria fronted version sounds the most "authentic" to the sound. who knew the harlots hid such a voice.

erica:hey!

nina: *laughs* shouldn't surprise anyone really,love. think about the harlots. we sound far more like the gogo's than vice squad or the distillers. we all have good voices. we have to harmonize a lot.

Interviewer: yeah,but i dont think anyone expected nina sangria to sound like diana ross.

Erica: ok...well..i dont know if shes that good.

interviewer: do you feel threatened by praise of nina,erica?

erica:*giggles* thats right,you defend praising nina. she deserves it!

Interviewer: until the second week of december,the cass-ttes will be touring with the atomic war bride doomsday bunker orchestra. which is,as far as i can tell,is erich hess' latest attempt to be brian setzer in spite of there already being one.

erica: true. but the real one is looking more and more like blanche from golden girls.

interviewer: these shows are also all held aboard the duke of winchester as most venues that would book the tour cant't accommodate a full orchestra. so food and lodging are provided to them...this all seems very expensive for an opening act.

nina: we use the orchestra on a few songs too,love.so it all evens out.

Interviewer: the cass-ettes tours are known for their tame backstage dealings. how does this work with... you know?

Erica: oh, you mean are people seeing a clean erich? meh *shrugs*. he's winchester sober.

interviewer: you're going to make me ask,aren't you?

erica: oh definitely.

interviewer: *sighs* fine, what is winchester sober?

Erica:i'm glad you asked. it's like california sober but with peyote too.

Interviewer:ah,naturally. silly of me to have ever asked.

nina:sarcasm is unbecoming,love.

Erica:very.

interviewer:is it different performing here on the duke every night?

Erica: god yes. we have to constantly worry about people getting into the living area of the ship and getting our socks. that's right. we've seen the bounties posted...i'm not sure what it says about me that the going rate for my pantie seems to be higher than my socks. but,that's a thing.

Nina: the highest bounties seem to center around chloe.

erica:...oh god..do you think it's...micah? he's so desperate for these things that he's paying weirdos on the internet for them??

Nina: that's silly,love. he'd just ask us. and before you protest,i've seen you go against your principles for a kinder beuno bar.

erica: Product placement! ting. pssh,i wish. i could use some of those sweet sweet kinder bars. dont even give me money,pay me in those things.

nina: "comrade erica" everyone.

erica" what? those fuckers are good. i cant help that all the joy has been sucked out of your life to the point where you cant even enjoy a simple candy bar. enjoy it so much that you would kill for it. you would kill and cross that final taboo of eating manflash all for a.....can.dy......bar. *giggles* that metaphor got away from me there,whoops. but you see what i'm saying right? those things are fucking awesome.

interviewer: before we move on,when can we expect the next part of the erica film to be released?

jayne:*pops out from behind a garbage can,glares at erica and mouths "do not answer that."*

Erica: hey.lets not get nosy,bub. keep it going,nothing to see here.

Interviewer: the duke shows with atomic war bride go on for a few more days and then you're back to land based touring-

Erica: i said nothing to see here,move it along. this is over. cmon,nina. we can see where we aren't wanted.

Nina: *leans close to interviewer and whispers* i had an oddly specific tarot reading that said just this was going to happen. *gets up and leaves with erica*

*jayne slowly and awkwardly sinks back behind the trash can. a faint voice is heard* sorry about ruining the interview. i was only trying to stop her from giving a hard date for release. we're still working on the movie....i'll leave now.