erica

channel 3 interviewer,jorge fuego


channel 3:we come to you today,live from parts unknown! we're aboard the duke of winchester *camera pans over a room that could very well be a tiki bar,if it wasnt crammed with so much shit.erica hess occupies the one clean corner and invites jorge to sit down*

erica:hiya jorge...wow,you're so much.....more elderly in person.

jorge:meh,it happens to us all,dear.

erica:not me.i'm going to attain immortality.more than likely through some bullshit scheme that shouldnt work,but does.then,i'm going to become an informercial queen and sell my secret to immortality.you can get in early by giving me a hit of that blunt.

jorge:it's just a cigar.

erica:*winks* i gotcha.

jorge:so,let's start things by clearing up where you,the harlots and the atomic war bride have been.

erica:well,you know we took a creative break.we all needed to get our heads clear and ready for inspiration to take root.you cant plant corn in a bed of concrete,right? all the touring,and studio time just really takes it out of you.

jorge:the harlots had A single under the belts,and the war bride havent released anything since "clockwork elvis". how much of a creative break do you need?

erica:i wanted to sound all rockstar-ie and pretentious.the truth of the matter is,you take a bunch of people who arent used to having disposable income,hand them a buttload of cash and honestly? work ethic goes right out the fucking window.when you are sitting on the business end of well over a million dollars do you start writing a new album,or do you buy ferraris and drive them into swimming pools.just cause you can?

jorge:well i'd invest it in a few smart places.

erica:bor-ing. you drive an italian sports car into a pool and tell me how fun investing sounds.we're outta cash,so we figure we better get our asses back to work.that's the honest answer.we're doing a tour with the war bride soon.i'd really appreciate it if you came to see us.driving a used hyundai into a pool just isnt as fun as a ferrari.

jorge:i thought punk rock was supposed to be...above all this typical rockstar behavior?

erica:perhaps.but alot of those people wouldnt know fun if it bit 'em on the taint.if you get into music to save the rainforest and some fucking whales.good for you,but don't slag people that arent on your band wagon.i mean,if we all saved the whales,they wouldnt need saving.now would they?

jorge:i guess.on the subject of the war bride,just what is your relationship with erich hess?

erica:*takes long drink of her mojito* you want the truth,or the myth?

jorge:well the truth of course.

erica:right.erich is actually my husband.

jorge:for real?

erica:yup.we got married in vegas by elvis.not an impersonator,the real deal.you heard the tale how the elvis that died was an elvis impersonator that the real elvis switched lives with? this was the real elvis.we figured it'd be crazy not to be married by elvis,so we did it.

jorge:i think i believe the bob ross hallucination story more.

erica:that has a kernel of truth too,but my name officially became erica hess after the wedding.

jorge:sorry to interrupt,but we gotta cut to commercial.

erica:you're cutting me off for a commercial? booooo
(ooc: i cannot believe i saw this on tv and it was real)

jorge:ok,we're back from commercial break,i'm sitting here with the very charming and talented erica hess.she was just telling us about her marriage....

erica:what was that ad supposed to mean?

jorge:nothing,it's just one of our sponsors.

erica:ok,i thought you were trying to tell me something.anyways,where was i? oh yes,getting married to erich. it doesnt mean anything,we mainly did it for kicks.everywhere you go people toss around "the sanctity of marriage" fuck that,marriage means nothing.it just a status on a piece of paper.so we benefited from lower insurance rates.

jorge:how does karoliena fit into all this?

erica:*shrugs shoulders and sips her drink*pretty well,obviously.

jorge:good lord!*looks around the ship* so i guess it's like one big free for all on this ship?

erica:indulgence instead of abstinence,and all that.you only go around this world once,why limit your experiances?

jorge:dare i ask about nina?

erica:now i know what you're thinking.and the answer is no.truth be told nina doesnt care for erich at all,and absolutely hates karoliena.she finds them a little too...."out there".

jorge:speaking of nina,where is she? *looks around anxiously*

erica:probably above decks,getting some sun or practicing her shuffleboard game.

jorge:you and nina seem to.....bicker alot.any reason as to why?

erica:*laughs*we mainly do that to run off pesky interviewers.nina is one of,if not the best friend i have.she knows not to take it too far,as i can totally kick her ass.i dont know if i'd take a bullet for her,but i'd at least take an ass whooping for her.....maybe.depending on if i was wearing my good shoes or not.

jorge:while we're on the subject of people in your circle,any comments on bobby cairo?

erica:bobby is a mystery wrapped in an enigma,then deep fried in puzzlement.

jorge:really? he seems pretty straightforward to me.

erica:nah,i just always wanted to say that about someone.bobby has been good to us.he seems to have a never ending supply of dodgy currency that is horrendously outdated.so i think he might be a pirate or something like that.not one of those cruddy modern pirates,but a billowy sleeved 17th century pirate.we've been spending alot of time around bobby and it's rubbed off.our next release will have a more political leaning.

jorge:didnt you just say earlier that that kind of thing was dull?

erica:anythings dull when you start getting too serious about it. u2? dull.dead kennedys? not dull.we're going to see if we cant get bobby to come in for a track or two.people love collabs.the harlots are about giving people what they want.not to be rude,but judge judy is on.and i never miss it.

jorge:it's been a pleasure miss hess,see you soon?

erica:*engrossed in the tv* jorge,either hit the bricks,or spark that blunt you got in your jacket.

jorge:it's a cigar!

erica:*sighs* fine*pulls blunt from behind her ear*

jorge:* remains seated,like he's waiting.*

erica:*waits for a few seconds*i take it you want to join me?

jorge:just give me a little bit for my cataracts......

Edited by user 27 November 2010 13:58:16(UTC)  | Reason: forgot a title.it's been a long week