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Offline erich hess  
#1 Posted : 27 June 2016 08:30:23(UTC)
erich hess
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since she is my favorite character,i figured she needed a topic all her own.
written entirely in first person.


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the first day after a tour is over is the worst. its like having your wings forcibly clipped and you fall into reality. hard. 13 hours ago i was snorting lines of coke off a ford transit's hood with nina. (or bonnet as she calls. fucking weirdo) everyone wanted to be around me and now? most people dont give me a second look as i walk down the street. for this reason,i arranged for about a week to myself before takara comes back. i need to ease back into reality. the best way to do that is to just continue what i was doing on tour: drink and drugs. i dont know about anyone else,but it is a crutch and fully acknowledge my need for it. being even semi famous as i,there is only a small circle of people who are your actual "friends". everyone else just wants something from you.

its late as hell as i walk down the streets of osaka's entertainment district.a few drunks stumble past me. if not for their periodical bumping into the buildings,they'd fall down. osaka is slightly less lit than las vegas in this area. its the sort of place one could really drink themselves to death,go mad,or commit a crime. i shove my hands in my pockets and keep strolling down the street.i occasionally slip between people. sure,i could keep walking and make them move for me,but its rude and im not that kind of person. plus,its faster to just weave in between people. as i walk i make eye contact with the men standing outside of the loud pachinko parlors. some of the slightly older men acknowledge me back. ever since i had natalya's killer killed,ive become a part of a world that i sometimes appreciate,but most of the times do not. sure,i am safe as can be on this street. if someone so much as bumped into me,those serious looking men outside of the parlor would snap into action. but....one day i will have to tell my daughter exactly why i cant wear a bikini anywhere in japan. for the most part,i am insulated from the activities of the yakuza. but that isnt to say im completely immune. whenever i bring the duke into port,im bringing along a shit ton of drugs with me. its simple to do: i anchor the duke off shore and the people in the small boats pretend to go fishing and bring the drugs in. im sure the organization profits immensely from this. i dont even charge for my service.knowing the man who took natalya from me is dead is payment enough. plus,its always nice to have people like this in your debt.
eventually i come to the building i am looking for. it fits right in with the rest of the garish neon lights of this part of osaka. but unless you are supposed to be there,you arent getting in. i nod my head towards the doorman and wait for him to open the door.

"sorry. we arent looking for new dancers." the man says gruffly and stands in front of the door. he is a younger man and certainly looks like he has had a few fights under his belt. its times like this when i do know i am in way over my head. these arent the kind of people i want to be around,these arent the kinds of people i want to raise my daughter around. my thirst for vengeance brought me here and i have to make the best of it. " i am here to see juro." i tell the man with as much authority as i can muster. i know it should have some effect as only those who should know juro know his name. i can see the man's entire demeanor change after i speak. "forgive me,ma'am. i didnt know" he tells me with a slight hint of fear in his voice. disrespecting a fellow yakuza carries a heavy penalty. but there a few women in this position,so his demeanor is forgivable. at least for me. i have business here and wish to leave as soon as possible. "its ok. you didnt know." i tell him with a friendly smile. he thanks me profusely and opens the door for me.
inside its just a garish as the outside street. loud techno music blares. there are at least 20 strippers doing their thing on the poles.i tuck a couple of 10,000 yen bills into a girl's thong as i pass. i figured she could use it more than me. i make my way into the back office. i end up passing more and more dangerous looking people. the back office door plain aside from the two men standing on either side. the man on the left is bald,whereas the man on the right has a pompadour/mullet thing going on. " please let me through. juro is expecting me."i squeak out. in reality,i outrank these men,but i cannot help but treat them as exactly as they look: people who are far better versed in violence than i ever will be.
the men nod to me and open the door for me. " go right in,miss kobayashi." they say in very respectful tones. i tell them thanks and make my way into the office.

the office is cluttered and disheveled. there is obviously a lot of work done out of this room. juro is sitting at a desk and smiles as he sees me. juro has reason to smile,who knows who many millions of dollars i have brought in for them. "hitomi!" he says warmly and rises to shake my hand. juro i have know since i was a kid. he was the best friend of my brother. my brother,jigen was never a member of the organization,but most of his friends were. juro was always very nice to me when we were kids. i was a good 11 years younger than jigen,but he never treated me as a burden. neither did juro.
"juro." i say with the respect his position now demands. he was friendly to me as a kid,but things have certainly changed now.
"hitomi,there is no need for such formalities here. you are my friend. " he tells me brightly as we embrace. sure. we are friends,but that could quickly change at any time. i never forget that. being jigen's relative can only get me so far. "juro." i say warmly as we part. " the ship is ready for the transfer."

"good good." he tells me as he texts the men whi will pick uo the drugs from the duke. juro does a quick calculation before speaking. " you know this will bring in near 8 million yen. are you sure you dont want anything in return?" he asks in astonishment. in the great scheme of things,i made more than my cut from this shipment from the reckless infinity tour. " not exactly." i tell him carefully. there is something i want,but it isnt money.

"oh?" juro asks with raised eyebrow. if i was into men, juro would be quite the catch. his eyebrows are naturally perfectly sculpted and his facial features would be adorable if he wasnt part of this life. if he worked at a software company or something,he would exactly what people would say is a perfect catch. " i want another favor." i tell juro with the seriousness that suggesting murder should entail.
"who?" juro answers back. his tone changing immediately. this was the business side of juro. the ruthlessness was there. it no longer was just a menace that hung in the air that was unspoken. he knew the sort of favor i asked. i didnt ask for much,but when i did? it was something big. the last favor i asked was the murder of natalya's killer. i still have the shiv that was used to kill him,it was part of the deal. the sharpened toothbrush is behind natalya's picture in my closet. i dont care if everyone thinks i fucked her over,i know i made things right with natalya. she would have wanted me to take revenge for her. she would have wanted her killer killed. she deserved better than to be killed in a house all by herself. she deserved to live. i know i did her wrong.but i didnt want her dead. this favor wasnt for me. no. it was for my sister. i spent many a night trying to drink myself to death when i learned what her marriage entailed. rape and beatings....beatings so bad that she will never be able to have children. her face isnt the face i remember a child....vara. vara left then came back into her life....then left again. i will not let my sister fend for herself again. i will make this right. "vara gallo. i want her killed and i want her to suffer! i want to see it." i tell juro with the most fury i have ever felt. i am so angry that i clench my nails into my palms. i abandoned mariko once. i will never,EVER do that again. "i want vara gallo dead."
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Offline erich hess  
#2 Posted : 29 June 2016 03:48:39(UTC)
erich hess
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Juro frowns slightly after I speak. I can see the gears turning in his head ,pondering the many factors involved. My anger cools the longer he is silent. This isn't like the first time. Killing the man who killed natalya was an instant "yes". Within minutes juro had been on the phone to arrange things. Juro makes a motion with his eyes to the door and I hear the men behind me exit the room. This doesn't make me feel safer at all. Even though it's just juro and I in here,I feel the lump starting to grow in my throat.
" Hitomi." he starts,taking a tone as if correcting an errant child," has this vara physically harmed your sister? " he asks,folding his hands on the desk. In this instant,he is speaking to me like exactly what he is: my brother's friend who has far more life experience than me.
"Well...not exactly." I stammer,feeling rather small." but my sister-"

" is this even what Mariko wants? She isn't a stranger to me,She Could easily ask me herself. I did you the favor before because you deserved revenge. This...this is just a relationship Not working out. Should natalya's relatives hire someone to kill you?" juro says kindly . he was always the most intelligent and calculating of jigen's friends. So it was no accident this is the role he grew into. " I'm sorry. But I must say no. Besides,it doesn't look good to have people turn up dead around you. You are lucky only a few nuts tie you to what hAppened in Osaka prison. " he tells me,patting my hand. He used to do this when I was a little girl. He and jigen would take Mariko and I to movies our parent's would never approve of. I would be very scared we would get caught sneaking in,(even then jigen and juro were troublemakers) But juro would always be There with a pat on the hand and assuring words. This time however,it only made me mad.

"No?" I ask in surprise. I can't believe that after all I have done,all I have risked...I get a no?! " How much money did I help you make with this last trip? How much more do you want? 40 million US dollars? 100? Whatever it takes?I can get it." I say,willing to go deep into debt for my sister. This cannot be the end of this conversation.

" no." juro repeats, again in the even and patient tone. " in the great scheme of things,you really don't bring in that much. Hitomi,this life really isn't for you. At all. Your services are no longer needed. We will manage." juro says with finality. Finality that slowly fills me with fear. I feel my breathing stop,fearing the worst is right behind me,ready to take me at any moment.
Juro sees my obvious discomfort and is quick to pat my hand once more. "Hitomi,I know you want the best for Mariko. We all do. Jigen would never forgive me if I didn't keep a watch on his sisters. If I had known about what went on in her marriage....well,things would've ended the same,only far sooner. I can arrange it so this vara can never get into Japan,but that's as far as I will take if. " juro says with a warm smile. Sometimes you would almost forget what his business was,he was so charming. " you will always be welcome here, but lets just call you an honorary member."

And like that,I was out. Juro's words were final. No more sneaking things into the port,no more playing at being a gangster. I was little more than a mascot. I'm sure our other business arrangements would stand : the running of my tours here in Japan,also Korea and the Philippines. These tours were completely yakuza run and were wonderful ways of laundering money for them. " ok." I finally squeak out. " thank you,juro." I tell him quietly. My thirst for revenge isn't satisfied,but I guess I'll just have to accept it. If I went around juro and tried to find someone else to take care of vara, I don't think being jigen's sister would help me.

"I'm always here for you Mariko. Now go have some fun in the club.your tab will be taken care of." juro says,while standing to open the door for me. He says this as if he is ready to move on to more positive things. I pass the two men who were previously in the room with us,they both look very impressed that juro is opening the door for me. I guess they just assume I'm someone very important,and not just a. Childhood friend...or mistress?! Oh god,what if they think that?!

I do the weave of shame in between the throngs of people in here. There are probably about 50 more people than the building was designed for in here. I end up at the bar rather quickly. I just sort of rode the wave of people moving that way and washed up on a barstool. That takes skill. The bar is lit from underneath and casts a green glow upwards. Before I can even tell the bartender what I want,a glass of absinthe is alreAdy in front of me. Its already sugared and watered,but not stirred. The leaf shaped spoon rests on the plate under the glass. " absinthe Eduard, ice cold water,half a sugar cube.as you like it,miss kobayashi ." the bartender tells me with a smile.I look around towards the room that juro occupies and he is standing beside the doorway,he gives me a little nod and returns to the inside of that room. I stir my absinthe slowly,going over what hAppened. Maybe juro was right. Mariko didn't seem exceptionally bothered by vara. Perhaps killing vara would be a bit of an over reaction. But it was all I could think of. She hurt Mariko and was getting away with it. I felt so impotent. " fuck it." I say out loud before drinking the absinthe.
Oh it was good. There is nothing quite like a good absinthe. You can almost taste each of the plants that go into it's makeup. Its like an herbal salad that will knock you on your butt. I give a smack of my lips as I empty the first glass. As soon as I set the glass down,another is in it's place. Who was I to turn down endless free drinks? They're going to have to pour me into a cab after I'm done tonight.I put the unpleasantness of earlier behind me and turn around on my barstool to take in the sights. The green lights of the bar coupled with the pink lights of the dancers' stages was kind of an eyesore,but I guess it worked. I take another sip of my drink,enjoying the licorice like flavor. I reach into my pocket and pull out the small kitty pipe and take a few hits off of it.I figure it's ok.it's not like anyone is going to call the cops here.

"Your tattoos are really pretty." a woman comments to me. She speaks perfect Japanese,but does have a weird accent to it. I'm in mid toke of my pipe and probably have a scared look on my face. I really didn't expect to talk to anyone.
"Thank you!" I say after coughing because my concentration is broken.
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
thanks 5 users thanked erich hess for this useful post.
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Offline genocidal king  
#3 Posted : 29 June 2016 05:41:19(UTC)
genocidal king
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OOC: Loving this so far. You set quite the scene and atmosphere with your writing. I like this vengeful side of Erica as well.
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We are not a foolers!
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erich hess on 29/06/2016(UTC)
Offline erich hess  
#4 Posted : 29 June 2016 06:01:53(UTC)
erich hess
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Ooc: thank you. It's an idea I've been kicking around for a little while.
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
Offline erich hess  
#5 Posted : 30 June 2016 03:24:27(UTC)
erich hess
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Not really wanting to be bothered,I go back to my drink. I just got done trying to plot a murder,the last thing I want is a lap dance from some stripper. I'm not a psycho! I assume she is a stripper. Judging from my greeting by the doorman,I venture I'm one of a handful of female members. I set my empty glass down and instantly there is a New one in it's place. I give the bartender a raised eyebrow. If you want a challenge,old man....you got it! Never underestimate the drinking prowess of Hitomi kobayashi! I should ask his name. He is utterly adorable. He looks like the Pringles guy,but Japanese.

After the smoke clears,I guess the girl gets a better look at me. It doesn't take her long to shout, " oh my god! You're Erica Hess! What are you doing in here....oh my god. " she says in amazement,this time in English. If I had to place her accent,I'd say German. She sounds a lot like Erich's wife did. Well,this just got interesting. Up until now,only my closest friends knew what I've been up to. I have been abstaining from groupie frolick,just to keep my tattoos secret. Its not that the yakuza are shadowy figures in day to day Japanese life,they are easily picked out in a crowd,but I'm Erica Hess. If this got out,it'd be like finding out that izzy once punched someone in the nose and peed on them. Slightly unexpected and rather scandalous.
" no I'm not. You are mistaken" I snap back and turn away,only to be greeted by a fresh drink. Oh,this bartender is good.He gives me a little smirk and goes back to work.

" yes,you are!" she persists,now back to Japanese. Probably a wise choice. Not speaking Japanese in here could be seen as trying to hide something. She isn't going away,so I turn back to her. " why can't you take a hint-" I start,ready to lay into her. I've had a pretty bad day and taking it out on someone would really help. But when I see her,I instantly drop my drink. The glass is faintly heard breaking. To use a. Cliche,it's like seeing a ghost. She could easily be natalya's long lost sister. Her eyes appear to be Brown instead of blue..she has eyes..it's all I can do to keep from reaching out to touch her. There is no way this can be happening right now. My nerves have different plans.
I can feel the slight rumble in my stomach. All that absinthe is coming back up. And I don't think it's going go wait for a break in this conversation. I jump up and run to the bathroom. Being a mostly male establishment,there is no line for the women's room.
Inside,the bathroom doesn't look like it's been used since the 80's...well aside from the countertop. The used condoms say otherwise. Ew. To further add to the grossness,my absinthe isn't waiting for a stall to make its return. I spew vomit all over the mirror and into the sink. I gotta use the wall to brace myself,or risk putting my hand on a condom. Then I would REALLY throw up. Remember how I said good absinthe was heavenly? Its not when it comes back up. Anise plus stomach acid is truely vile. I turn on the sink to wash the fluid down the drain. I hadn't eaten anything,so luckily it was just liquid.

"Are you ok? I didn't mean to upset you. Trust me,if I couldn't keep secrets ,I wouldn't be working here." she says kindly. As she speaks,she walks towards me. This isn't helping my nerves at all. Under the normal lights of the bathroom ,she doesn't look all that much like natalya. She is Caucasian,blonde and has obviously fake breasts . her face is far less angular than natalya. "I...didn't come in until I heard the water run.so,I didn't see anything. I really was just Trying to offer a private dance...not here,obviously." she explains with a nervous little giggle .

Before she spoke,I was ready to grab her and demand she explain what her problem was. How dare she follow a person into a bathroom when they were obviously going to puke?! But she seemed genuine enough and I'm not sure if I could really keep a hold on her. That's All my day needed: getting beat up by a stripper who looked a little like my ex wife,in a puke and used condom encrusted bathroom,in a yakuza strip club. Yeah,that would a stellar way to end the day." it's fine. I just thought...I mean,the sugar wasn't stirred into my drink enough and got caught in my throat." I explain with a wave of my hand.

"Ok. Well,your secret is safe with me. If you want a private dance or a "private" dance,you know where to find me." She says before going back out to the noise of the club. The pulsing bass of that song Payton did about the teacher makes my empty stomach rattle. Fucking little weirdo. She just saw my vomit on this counter and still offering lap dances and...? Ew. How could she think about fucking after that? Its probably her kink . I guess juro did Mean my tab for anything. She's trying to make that money. I straighten my hair a pop some gum in my mouth. Juicy fruit. This little pack of gum was bought in new Jersey,and now will end it's life on the other side of the world.

I make my way back to the bar where ,sure enough,a new glass is waiting for me. The broken glass was also cleaned up. I take my place and keep drinking. New absinthe meet old absinthe! Luckily the pseudo natalya is no where to be seen. Was she even real? Its possible something stronger got in my stash of weed. It's not like I don't have hallucinogens by the truck load. " excuse me,what's your name?" I ask the bartender.

"Joe" he answers back,sliding a drink my way. He gives me a look that says it was a nice try,but distracting him by talking isn't going to work.

I give him a nod of appreciation of his craft. I try to race him and down the drinks as quickly as possible,but he is always there with a new glass. Soon the drinks of 85% alcohol start to really affect me. "Joe..." I hear myself slur heavily." You work here long?" if I am accurate with my count,this is my 23rd glass. With the weight of my head and the world spinning around me...Joe may win this battle.

"Since about 1988,miss kobayashi " Joe answers back. That's a long time to be a bartender in a strip club. My drinking skills are no match for such dispensing skills. I am about to compliment him on his experience when the world flings to one side and my face is on the ground.the floor of this bar is amazingly clean. I caress the floor and laugh loudly. " you keep a fine bar" I compliment Joe. But what my ears hear isn't what I'm saying. What I hear is an unitelligAble mess of words. Trying to stand is totally out of the question,my arms are limp and it's like my head is nailed to this very clean floor. Soon I see juro standing over me with w wide grin on his face.

" see? This is just what you needed,right!" he sAys in a joviAl tone. It must be really early morning as the club is near empty. How long was I drinking for? Juro laughs heartily and motions for the two men who earlier were standing in his office. "Make sure she gets home safely.if anything happens to her,its your asses." he warns them.

"You're a good man,juro. Thank you for a wonderful evening,thank you for your time. And thank Joe. Give That man a raise" I slur out. To make sure Joe gets a raise,I dump my wallet out on the ground.there is several hundred thousand yen in it. I don't carry a purse. Purses aren't cute.well,they kind of are,but I'd forget mine if I carried one. Wallet on chain for me.

Juro stoops down and shakes his head. He probably didn't understand a word I said." sleep it off,Hitomi." he says,kissing me on the forehead. Its then the sensation of being lifted from the floor and whisked outside. ....yup.it's morning.the Sun isn't being kind to my eyes. Fuck it's bright.
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Offline erich hess  
#6 Posted : 01 July 2016 03:43:40(UTC)
erich hess
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After who knows how long I regain consciousness. By the smell of things,I'm on the duke of Winchester. The ship has a strange smell of old grease,general age,and lilac of all things. No matter what,we can't get it to smell different. Personally,I burn incense in my room on the ship. Sandalwood to be exact.so I know I'm not in my room. I really don't want to open my eyes. With the way my head is pounding,viewing the world is just going to make it worse. I know the Sun is out there,just waiting to punch me in the eyes. Not today,mister. I'm turning over to go back to sleep.with a grunt that echoes in my abused head,I try to turn over on my tummy....but I'm not in a bed? No I'm lay in something very hard and bowl shaped..and I have the distinct feeling of being naked. My eyes shoot open and I jump up,falling ass over Apple cart out of a bathtub. One of the old kind,with the clawed feet. " fuck" I croak out coarsely. Falling onto the floor did nothing for my pounding head.

"Hey sleepy head,you're up!" a faintly familiar voice calls from outside the bathroom. The bathroom has no dividing door between it and the bedroom. This is one of the small cabins near the ship's entrance. I pry myself off the rather intricately tiled floor. Seriously,someone took a lot of time to do this.very small blue and white tiles arranged in concentric octagons. Looking over the bathtub rim,I see the blonde girl from the club. She is laying on the bed and looking at a magazine. Unless she brought her own,Its an antique national geographic. In a flash...well as flash as hungover me can manage,I pounce on the bed with her. I brought along the plunger from the bathroom. I am not above beating a bitch with a plunger.

" why the the fuck are you here,and why the fuck am I naked?! " I demand,waving the plunger a her. This is probably more hilArious than scary. I can Probably imAgine she has never been threatened with a plunger beating from a naked womAn....then again,I don't know this woman from Adam. Her personal life could be filled with just this sort of thing.
She has squished herself against the corner of the wall and is holding the magazine out in front of her like a shield. " you puked on yourself during the ride here. Akira and tetsueo needed someone to clean you up...because,well...you know". She motions to my naked body. This does make sense as juro would be incensed if my modesty was compromised." they put you in the tub and I..er,washed you after they left. I stayed to make sure you were ok." she explains rapidly. Her fast and loud voice makes me wince. I guess her story checks out. She very well couldn't lift me out of the tub,and I was covered with a blanket. I toss the plunger over my shoulder,making a loud clang as it settles in the empty tub. I really didn't think that through,I let myself fall on the bed and hold my head with both hands. "Don't worry,I didn't do anything to you while you were out." she giggles.

"Their names are tetsueo and akira?!" i ask while face down on the bed. This is comfy,I am never moving from This spot. Nope,I'm sitting here until I die. I always assumed Juro's two guys didn't have names. Using these two names? It stupid as hell. I laugh as hard as I can manage. Which isn't very.

"I know! They should be kanaeda and tetsueo! Its like they've never seen the movie or something." She laughs ,lowering her defensive magazine. I try to manage to join her laugh,but it hurts too much. She may be a little strange,but can't fault an akira fan.

"Who are you,anyway? " I ask as kindly as I can. Now realizing my bare ass is hanging out. So I grab the sheet and cover my backside as much as I can. She is sitting on the sheet and doesn't get the hint that I want it...or she likes seeing my butt.

The woman..well,girl,I doubt She is old enough to buy a beer,is silent for a little while. " wow. You really fell down hard,your back has bruises all over it." If I give her a grunt in response. Truth be told,those were fading bruises from a session I had with Karoliena and cassie summers. Long story short,bdsm is NOT for me. Almost a month later and I'm still bruised?! Fuck that. I'm too delicate for such things. But it was nice in it's way. Since getting my tattoos,I haven't...been with anyone. It just was a risk I wasn't willing to take. Besides for Karoliena and cassie. I knew I could trust them. Both to keep quiet and not to find it ugly. When I don't give a real response, she speaks again, " I'm Gretchen geist allin,get it? G G allin? Stripper extraordinaire and drunk sitter to the stars. At your service." she brightly says. At this point her chipperness is grating bordering on endearing.

The weird thing about being famous is never having to introduce yourself." is that your stage name,or reAl name?" I ask her,now with it enough to look over my shoulder at her.

"Yes." she pipes up,leaning her head to the side. Anyone this happy and cute with a fake name has to have a horrible past.. Except me. I'm far cuter and my fake name is way cooler. Well for the most part my past isn't that bad. "That looks really painful." she mentions again and lightly touches my shoulder. Where,if I recall cassie hit me with a paddle. Honestly,I forget a lot of what went on then. It was pretty traumatizing,but my pride made me carry on. After speaking,she starts massaging my back. Which only serves to make my bruises hurt more. Really,what the fuck is she thinking? Pressing on bruises will make them feel better?! I hope She doesn't wear a nurse outfit for Her stripper routine,that would be horribly inaccurate. But I let her continue and just endure the pain. She means well.

" let me get a shower then you can continue? I feel gross as shit after last night." I offer As I stand and take the sheet wigh me,nearly toppling Gretchen to the floor. I certainly don't want people touching me. I don't want to smell like vomit and smoke. Which I can still catch faint whiffs of from my hair. Also,Maybe she will forget about the massage by the time I come back. It REALLY hurts. I walk down the hall of the ship and into the showers. The staterooms on this level of the ship all have tubs. Only the shower room of the gymnasium has real showers.
The shower room looks like a horror film set. Same blue and white tile scheme as the bathroom I woke up in,but in a room nearly 50 feet long. So being alone in it can be spooky. The Windows are clear,but caked with salt from the sea spray. The knobs let out a squeak of protest as I turn them on. Mostly hot water as it makes me feel the cleanest. The water hits my face and runs down my back. It follows the curve of my spine and exits my butt crack. Fucking cheeky water. Slowly my brain starts functioning correctly again. The hot shower lifting the booze fog in short order. Humming,I scrub the shampoo into my hair and gaze out the window at the sea. This side of the ship faces away from the dock and all I see is water.
That's How I will do it! Juro won't help me,I will take matters into my own hands. Its so simple ,why didn't I think of it before?! All I have to do is get vara on the duke then shove her overboard in the middle of the Pacific. Nobody can swim forever. Just wait. Few hours,then report her missing. Problem solved. Mariko will be safe and no longer be hurt by this cow.

I jump when I feel a hand reach around and touch my stomach. Like I said,this shower room looks like a horror film. A disembodied hand touching me is just what I'd expect. But nope it's a very naked Gretchen. " I've always been a huge fan,Erica." she explains softly. Also something weird about being famous: people want to fuck you and will be very forward with it! Seriously,I've got a drawer full of room keys I've been slipped. I look out window and back to Gretchen. Fuck it,she looks enough like natalya for this. I grab her by the sides of the head and force her against the wall by kissing her passionately, The passion I denied natalya. I wasn't there for Mariko when she needed me and I abandoned natalya. I am going to make two things right.
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Offline erich hess  
#7 Posted : 02 July 2016 04:34:07(UTC)
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Crack! The feeling of something hard hitting my bead wakes me up. "The fuck?! " I shout,throwing the covers off of me. These covers are from my bed at home,not the duke. After dropping that girl off at Juro's for her shift,I came to my house house to sleep,not the duke. I paw around the folds of my blanket to locate what had hit me.

" will you please call Mariko,for the love of god? She's been ringing me until my bleeding ears are about to fall off" the familiar,and not at all soothung cockney gilded words of Nina greet me. Nina lives with me here in Japan. She says it's to help out,but we all know the real reason,it's a lot closer to Korea than England...and the duke is creepy with just two people living on it. Erich spends months at a time alone on it.I honestly don't know how he does it.

"Keep your hair on,grandad." I mock nina's accent back to her. She sticks her tongue out and leans against my doorway,probably to make sure I actually call mariko and not go back to sleep. I dramatIcally dial Mariko's number and equally dramatically Greet her when she answers,why hello Mariko. How are you today,our good friend Nina requires me to call you." Nina gives me the finger and walks off. You can tell we are best friends since 95% of the time we act like total bitches to each other. If Chloe would give us the same treatment back,maybe we would like her more.

"Don't." Mariko says sternly to me,which is a big damper on the fun Nina and I were having.

"Too late,I already called you." I giggle before laying in the bed,swinging my feet in the air. Ugh.I need to paint my toenails,the aqua paint is starting to chip." now what's so important?"

I can hear Mariko breathe sharply out of her nose before speaking, "juro called me. I swear to god if she is not ok,I will never forgive you." she hisses. Mariko has three settings: timid,putting on a brave face,and call a coroner. Her tone implies it's the third..and it's not even the final form.

"So she just gets away with it,and we're just supposed to take it?" I ask. I can't believe that we have the means to make sure Mariko Is never hurt without repercussions ever agsin,and she isn't going to take it?! Bullshit.

" there is no WE,Hitomi. There is ME. Vara didn't leave you. She left ME. And you know what?! I'm fucking fine with it. I move on like an adult. Juro told me he refused you.what? Are you going to do it?! " Mariko says loudly,causing the phone's audio to clip. I hate when she talks to me like she knows better than I. Can't she realize I am only trying to help?

"Mariko." I start patiently, "yes I would. " I leave it at that. Nothing more needs to be said. She is my sister and she is where my loyalty lies. Even if She can't see it.

Mariko is silent for a moment on the phone. "Why is this so personal to you?" it was a genuine question. There was no other inflection in her voice. She just wanted to know...how could she not know?! She should be blaming me every day for what hAppened to her and I was no where to be seen.

" because I wasn't there for you when you needed me! When You were getting the shit kicked out of you,where was I?" I cry in to the phone. Man I wish there were still land lines,I'd really like to play with the cord now.

Mariko sniffles a little before replying. I know its a touchy subject,one Mariko and I have never really spoken of. " Hitomi...you didn't know. Nobody knew."

"I should have known! I am your sister. What kind of sister abandons the other in her time of need? A piss poor one!" I interrupt her. I know she blames me,she is juSt too kind to say It.

"Are our parents piss poor? Is jigen? The only piss poor one was Tim. He was the one that kept me from everyone. He was the one hitting me. Nothing can change what happened. " Mariko states calmly. I can't believe it, I am the one crying and she is the one calming me down. Why am I So fucking weak! I silently fume at her refusal to accept what I'm willing to do,and I fume at my weakness. Why am I not more like Mariko? When I am still silent,Mariko continues. " Hitomi. Vara and I had some really wonderful times. What hAppened cant change that. What you want to do ,it won't change what hAppened. Think about it,do you feel any more closure about what hAppened to natalya? Did it bring her back?" Mariko says with near infuriating calm.

But...she is right. Nothing was better afterwards. The murder didn't bring me any justice. It didn't bring natalya back. It didn't even absolve me of guilt."...you are right,Mariko." I say quietly and wipe my eyes with my free hand.

" we are millionaires and the toast of Osaka,why are you so grumpy?! In a few days,you'll have a taki Chan with you. Jesus Christ." Mariko says with a laugh. I love Mariko's laugh,her real and unguarded laugh is something to behold.it is loud and infectious. Its also really high pitched,so she is extremely self conscious about it.it was also deadly effective at changing subjects.

"Oooh,how is my little chunky monkey ?" I ask,wishing I had her with me. It probably wasn't healthy,but I needed takara with me. The responsibility of being a mother left little time for anything else. Things like murder schemes. Could I have really gone through with that? The scary truth Is: probably.

Mariko laughs again before answering," it's very late, so she is sleeping. But she isn't ready to come home. You know aunt Mariko spoils her taki." Mariko was right. People only think I treat that child like a princess. Mariko takes it to tlc reality show territory. "Hitomi.I love you.but please. No more stupid shit. You are...well,a few minutes older than I am. Too old for playing righteous vengeance."

I sigh and pull the covers around me,trying to block out the world. "I love you too,Mariko.no more." I promise my sister.

Mariko yawns and I hear a soda can open. "Goodnight,Hitomi " she says warmly. I don't know why Mariko opens sodas and never drinks them before bed. I guess she thinks that signs movie is real,and aliens will be warded off by soda.

I hang up and turn over on my back and look at my ceiling.why couldn't I just let things roll off my back like Mariko? Why did I have this overwhelming feeling that I could and should save the world. I couldn't even visit Japan for years because felt responsible for my parent's deaths. They died in the big Tsunami many years ago.I felt responsible for Mariko's abuse.I felt (and still know I am) responsible for natalya's death. Only jigen do I Not feel guilty of. Maybe it's because I was young when it happened? Why is there so much death in my life?

Nina walks back in and sits on my bed. She picks up one of my feet and starts tapping the toes with her nails. Its weird,but it's what She does. " so what was that about,love? It sounded intense."

I look out my window and ponder telling Nina. Telling her everything. The only one who knew the extent I would go for revenge was Mariko. Its not that I didn't trust Nina,it's just Mariko was my sister. "Nothing. Just sister stuff.you know how sibling rivalry is." I lie. The whole story of that time in my life was for another time. I'd tell Nina when the time was right.
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Offline erich hess  
#8 Posted : 06 July 2016 23:08:47(UTC)
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My god Gretchen can kiss a kitty. It's yet another fling on the duke of Winchester. This time we're in the casino. Its not like anyone is going to walk in on us. I have a leg on each barstool and both hands full of her hair. I just love seeing her blonde hair wrapped around my fingers. I kick the stools away and wrap my legs around her shoulders. if I could,I would try to get her entire body inside me. I repeatedly call her name and throw my head back in bliss....and make eye contact with Nina. It's the most awkward eye contact I have ever made with someone...well,someone I knew. I did see a man stare right into my eyes as he peed on the side of and bus. That was...a weird. Seeing nina's eyes however? Meh.it certainly wasn't a deal breaker. I'm more than a little bit of an exhibitionist so I continued to ride Gretchen's tongue until the finish line. Afterwards we cuddled on the couch by the entrance of the casino (Nina had already scuttled off into the ship. I assume)

I loved just laying here and holding her.it felt normal.it almost could pass for love. Or at least the instant,just add water variety. But this is the worst part of the rock star / groupie dynamic: at first, it is awesome. The feeling that people want nothing more than to Fuck you. You pretty much have your pick of partners for the night. It's like a baskin Robbins of flesh. But...after the tinglies fade away,they leave. And you're just as lonely as ever. Then It really makes you wonder who is really being exploited? Gretchen will leave tonight,knowing she fucked Erica hess. While Hitomi kobayashi realises just how lonely and sad her life is. But I push that out of my head and kiss Gretchen's neck softly. " you are amazing." u whisper in her ear.

I feel her hands caressing my face. She must have had chocolate earlier,they smell slightly like kit Kat. " you would never guess you are the first girl I ever went down on,huh? " she says with a little giggle.

Now I know she is playing the part of natalya. There is no way I could find two women who just happen to be interested in me,and never were with a woman before. Gretchen has to know this and is trying to sell me the fantasy she knows I want and I don't care.I'll take it.
"Bullshit" I say back to her,I give her butt a little spank,this causes her to jump a little.

Gretchen shakes her head slowly."No.its true. I just do what I would want done to me. Afte that,you can say I have the problem licked!" we both have a great laugh at this. Gretchen has a goofy sense of humor that I really like.but this is all we will ever be to each other. She knows she is playing a role,as am I. She never ever uses my real name. I guess we are just exchanging fantasies.it's better th an nothing I guess.

"Whatever. You are totally my first girl too",I say with a wink. " i just happen to be a champion kitty kisser"

Gretchen starts laughing so hard,I flash backs of cassie and Karoliena tickle torturing me. I think I may have ptsd. Seriously. I really thought I was going to suffocate when they did that.my chest hurt for a week after that." what? " Gretchen asks finally.

"What what?" I ask her,not knowing exactly what she is asking.

"In the butt!" she cackles loudly, I then have the distinct feeling of her finger dangerously close to being inserted into my ass .I'm certainly not against such things and I could really go for a round two. When I don't really resist,Gretchen pushes her fingertip slowly in. "You know,Erica...this isn't the reaction I would expect from someone who seems to use to words kitty kissing for eating Pussy." Gretchen laughs .her laugh is very genuine and I've quickly grown to love it. She gives s little nod towards the and of the couch.

" this isn't the action of someone who never has been with a girl before me!" I laugh back to her.I then crawl over to the arm of the couch and lay over it. Not my favorite thing to do,but it still can feel pretty good as long as it's just a finger.

" like I said,I just will do what I want done To me...I mean..well,shit. Looks like I'm taking it up the ass soon." Gretchen shrugs and giggles again. Though that implies she wants to see me again. I hate it,but I'd do anything for her to keep coming back.it a been a little over a week and I'm used to having a body around me.

" don't worry,I have small fists" I joke to her. I feel her lips start at my butt and move up my spine. One hand cups my breasts and the other slides over my butt. " wait...is that clock right?!" She says over my shoulder.

" yea it should be.I think all the clocks run off the main ship's battery." I look out the hall and into the e deck gift shop,it's clock matches the one above the couch . what was going to do? Have a time contest on who could cum first?


"Fuck!" Gretchen exclaims,jumping off the couch and getting her clothes on. " I'm going to be late,juro is going to fire me. Shit shit shit!" she cries out,running in a panicked circle. Ugh. I really didn't want to have to take her to work. This irked me more than round two not happening. I really didn't want to get dressed,drive across town,drop her off,then come back. I guess I could tell her too bad. But I couldn't be that mean to someone who just had their finger almost in my butt. Its courtesy.

I turn over and stretch lazily. Yeah. I Wasn't going anywhere.besides,we have lots of cars on the duke. " just take the red bmw. Nobody uses it anymore " I tell her while getting my own clothes on.which actually was just a sundress.I wanted something easy to get out of.


" I can't take your car,Erica" Gretchen protests." you don't know me from Adam." she says,and she Is right.for all I know,she will sell the car for crack. But honestly? Its ada's car. She only drove it once...she hit a raccoon and was too traumatized to drive again.

I take her hand and lead her to the cargo hold. This is near the waterline of the ship. So it's dark and dank. If the waves are big enough,you can hear then slosh against the side of the ship. The hold contains all of the Hess clans cars.currently,there are about 45 cars here. I own about 10 of them." this it." I nod to ada's old car. Its Dusty,but nearly brand new. Its bmw m5 convertible. Bright red with a black interior.thinking of ada, I ask Gretchen " are you originally from Germany?"

"Austria" she answers back instantly. She is really nervous about being late and is trying to politely leave. Oddly,this is the most personal conversation we have had yet. I know she is from Austria.....that's it.
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#9 Posted : 07 July 2016 02:53:43(UTC)
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After a good showr and some orange juice,I made the drive over to the house.I say the house rather than my house,Nina lives there too. We've lived together for so long,it just seems normal to keep doing it. Hopefully she says nothing about what she saw earlier,but ....we all know Nina.
About 20 minutes later,I pull into the driveway. When I call the house a palace,I mean it. It is fucking huge,even by american standards. I wanted takara to have space to play,and this place doesn't disappoint. Inside,it's just as traditional looking as the outside. I think the realtor said the house was built in 1860,then slightly remodeled after the war. But I love all the dark wood and stone inside. It feels secure,it feels safe. I sleep ok here. I still have the same nightmares I always have in Japan: walking along the beach and finding my parents bodies. Sometimes natalya is with them,sometimes its just her eyes. I am a bit better about living in Japan now.I am up to being able to stay for about 3months at a time. Then the nightmares become too frequent and I have to leave.

I walk up the very worn wooden steps and try my key in the door. Its unlocked,so Nina is probably here. Sure enough,she Is. She's waiting in the kitchen,bottle of vodka in hand. She lights up when she spots me. I love Nina. She is so animated and hilarious.sometimes I really miss when we were lovers. But in reality,I think we both knew we were just friends who really liked to have sex with each other. " dish" she orders,patting the counter next to her. I guess she didn't forget about earlier. " love,it's been along time since I've seen that side of you." she adds with a chortle.

"What were you doing on the duke,you bitch?!" I ask her be for sitting beside her on the counter. I give her leg a playful smack.

Nina leans over as if she wants me to smack her ass and grins over at me. " well,love. I came for my phone charger,but stayed for the live sex show." she gives me the shame hand gesture.

" you did not!" I say in surprise and almost aghast. I remember closing my eyes and assuming Nina left....I didn't know for sure! "You could have joined ,you know. We'd never tell mikki " I tell her with a long and slow wink. We both know that would never happen. Much like with erich,Nina and I tried being together after her marriage failed. It was just as awkward and we never spoke of It again.

"Good god no,I didn't stay. I have no urge to see amateurs." Nina says in her miss haughty tone. Being British,it sounds exceptionally snobby...even in her cockney accent.

"I got paid for big brother,so I AM a professional." I giggle back to her. It took time,but I'm finally ok with what happened on that show. I can hold my head up knowing that people saw me on there. Not a put on of an act,or playing to a persona. That was me. Nina laughs and motions like she knows I'm avoiding her initial question. " she's just some groupie." I tell Nina and pour myself a screwdriver. "Just some fun for a few weeks until takara comes back." I'm pretty excited about this and am really looking forward to having her again. I may not be a great mom,but I enjoy doing it.

Nina smirks and holds up her phone. " GGeist,I presume?" she asks this in the best posh Dr Livingston,I presume voice...or it's just her natural voice. Its hard to tell with Nina. She floats between chimney sweep and duchess levels of refinement.

I nod slowly. "Her name is Gretchen geist" I explain. I really wished Gretchen would have taken that bit about my house up with me privately. Fucking young people,everything had to be public.

Nina take a a long drink of my drink. Bitch. " you don't even bring her to your own bed?! Erica I'm disappointed in you. That's kind of cold." she says this almost accusingly,but I know she isn't serious.

" you're drinking after me? you have a good idea what I was just doing." I tell Nina with a smirk.

Nina shrugs and keeps drinking. "Alcohol kills most germs,love. Science 101." She tells me this and hands the drink back to me. " seriously,love. A groupie wouldn't be hurt that you haven't brought her to your house. " Nina continues. I really don't want to have this conversation. I don't need Nina In my business.

" you've been monogamous for too long,my friend." I laugh and get up to clean the house. There really isn't anymore to say. Nina doesn't remember What it's like. People like the idea of you,they have no interest in the you that cleans the house,washes dishes and checks the mail. People like Gretchen want rock and roll fantasy. Which I'm happy to provide for a few hours at a time.
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Offline erich hess  
#10 Posted : 09 July 2016 05:54:05(UTC)
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"Mommy!" the shrill,yet utterly adorable voice of takara squeals. She comes running out of randy's house at about a million miles an hour. She is quite a sight as she runs. She has two bright blonde pig tails that bounce with each step.( these things are nearly as long as she is tall. But she won't let me cut them). She is dressed in some sequined blue dress and trailing a purse in the dirt. Picture a small ,drunken little versions of Diana Ross. I scoop her up as she runs into me. Which is great,because she wasn't slowing down for shit.

"Taki-chin!" I squeal probably equally as shrill. Who knows how I sound or act when I'm with my daughter. I'm probably really weird and annoying to everyone around us. I honestly don't pay any attention to anyone but her when we're together.

"What'd you bring me?" she shrieks as I spin around with her and kiss her all over her face. There is nothing like kissing her smooshy little face. Its rare she will let me get in more than three . but she tolerates it when I get back from touring. She giggles loudly and tries squishing her head into her shoulders.its literally the cutest thing ever.

" I brought you lots of stuff.most is in my bags...but here's this for now!" I reach into my purse and pull out one of those foam cheese hats from Wisconsin. The girl loves a hat.

"Cheese!" she screeches and wriggles free after I put it on her head. "Cheese cheese cheeeeese!" she sings in rather ominous tone while walking like Frankenstein's monster. My kid is weird,but damn do I love her.

I pick her back up and we go back towards randy's house. He was watching this whole time .its not like he was letting my daughter run around the yard like a dog....I hope. "Cheese!" takara squeaks again,bouncing the foam rubber hat off randy's shoulder.
Randy is,of course Jayne's dad. He's also the closest thing Erich had for a father. He's also known me since I was about 17. So I trust him to take care of takara if mariko can't. Mariko had some work to do,so she had to enlist Randy.

"Hitomi" Randy says warmly,batting at takara's hat. This causes her to shriek with laugher and run around the room. The kid only accepts being held for a few minutes at a time. She's independent that way. Randy looks...well,like a creepy man. He has a pencil thin mustache and always slicked back hair.he's probably only an inch or so taller than I am,dresses like a used car salesman from an ed wood film,and seems about as trust worthy. I think it's his gimmick. The man has to be pushing 70,but still wheels and deals in movies. Yet oddly,he is probably the best parent I know. Seriously,look at Jayne. She's like an Angel or something. And Erich...well,Erich would probably still be like he is now. But with a very mean streak. I glance over my shoulder at the house across the street.this is where Erich lived when we were younger.I assume his mother still lives there,I know his actual father died a year or so ago.

"Randy." I squeak again. I embraces him tightly.I have no idea about men's perfumes,but he smells really good. If I was a man,I'd totally want to smell like this. "How was takara? She wasn't too much trouble?" I ask as we walk Into his house.

Randy's home looks like the house from scarface,if it was built in the neighborhood in Edward scissorhands. Tim Burton 80s gangster....that's a thing,right?
But it still seems comfortably lived in. Loads of pictures of Jayne and Erich on the walls. Including one I've always loved of Jayne and Erich dressed as riff raff and magenta. One day I'll ask about it. As far as I know,Erich and Jayne didn't care for each other until recently. Come to think of it...where did Jayne come from? Randy is gay and has been with Tim for....well,since I knew him. More questions to ask later.

" she was perfect. You know that child can do no wrong" Randy says with a grin. Randy was the sort who would say Charles Manson was well behaved. Takara could have been a holy terror for all I know,but he's probably right. She's a great child....even if she is still singing her cheese song and bouncing her head on the couch. " how was the tour for you? Jayne said it was pretty uneventful."


I nod affirmation and try grabbing takara as she runs by again. The kid is fucking fast,so I'm unsuccessful. " yeah it was dull. Competely businesslike. Why if it wasn't for all the drugs flying around,we'd have died of boredom."

Randy raises an eyebrow in surprise. " even JAyne?"

" I wish I could lie and say no...but I have to be truthful and say no." I giggle to Randy. He was the sort who you could tell you shot heroin and joined a gang bang,and he'd be cool with it. As long as his kids were safe,he didn't judge. He very much saw Jayne,Erich,and I as his kids. " Jayne is like the mother of our group. She hasn't reAched that point in her career where everything sucks and you hate everyone." I say this with a smirk. Its sort of true,sorta not.but it sounds jaded and rock starry.

He nods and picks up an Apple he had previously been eating before I arrived. He frowns at the Brown and places it back down. " Jayne never was one for the party lifestyle. Hell if I know where she got THAT from." he laughs warmly. If I had a dollar for each time I've drank or smoked out with Randy,I'd....be pretty wealthy. "How about Erich? How's he been..." Randy doesn't follow up,but nods towards takAra.

Marlena is a subject NOBODY brings up to Erich. Sure,Eris is biologically his. But I don't think he has even seen the child outside of when she was born. Marlena....mArlena was his and he was really trying to be a semi respectable person for her. But after ada disappeared with her..Erich really stopped caring. " he...is pouring himself into his work" I say carefully to Randy. We both know this to mean Erich is living up to the Erich Hess myth...well,minus the womanizing. I don't know if She knows it,but selene has Erich wrapped Round her finger. But I don't think she is evil,so I don't have to fight a bitch.

Randy sighs and shakes his head. "Keep tabs on him ,if you can. You know how he can be." Randy says without trying to seem too alarmed. He should be fine,as long as he has something to do. Like myself,Erich doesn't handle boredom constructively. Which is why I'm Glad to hAve takara with me again. I need responsibility in my life. Randy invites us to stay for dinner,which I happily oblige to. I had no reAl plans for dinner,and eating with an old friend is always good. Plus,takara loves Randy and isn't ready to go just yet...she's sharing her cheese hat with him. She is a stingy little kid,so if she shares...she really likes you.
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Offline erich hess  
#11 Posted : 13 July 2016 10:11:54(UTC)
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It was strange being back in the old apartment ada and Erich lived in. Did they fight a lot in here? Did ada use the kitchen knives to cut herself? I do wonder what ever became of her.I know she isn't dead,because I've seen pics of her with some guy named Jimmy. I may be biased towards Erich,but what the Fuck ada?! This jimmy guy looks like the dad from rug rats. Stu? Oh well.if she was going to leave Erich,she may as well had one fling with me. ...maybe i do have some sort of fetish for girls with big breasts. Or just girls period. Honor is very modest in the chest area,but I'm just saying: if there ever was a drunken moment of fooling around with her,I wouldn't complain.

I've tucked takara into bed an hour or so ago and have the house to myself. Its a weird sort of place. It looks like an Ikea fucked captain Spaulding's chicken place. Simple Scandinavian design,with loads of tacky nicnaks everywhere. Bored,I pick up an ewok and and start playing with them. " why.are.you.looking at me..like that? You want a.piece of.me?" I make captain Kirk say in my best William Shatner voice. " don't..think.because you.are...covered in hair...I won't Fuck. You like.a Klingon." I say with a giggle. I'm really the most entertaining person I know.if you can't entertain yourself,who can you entertain? My phone vibrates against the finest Swedish Formica countertop.it moves across the counter and knocks over my ewok. I think this means I have seven years bad luck or something. Looking at the scree n,its the same number that has been calling me all day. It has to be a wrong number,only about 7 people have my number. I let it ring,I have no interest in telemarketing. I don't care if I will help out by participating in an important survey...unless its about hello kitty. We can all use more hello kitty in these trying times. Soon my text message thing goes off. I have it set to black lace's 'agadoo'. Mainly because it drives Nina nuts. Really,she throws something at me each time it goes plAys. I actually really like the song. I think she hates it because she said one time that she lost her virginity to that song....weird choice,but whatever. Mine was 'rock you like a hurricane' by the scorpions. Now THATS a proper song to become a woman to.
I peek at the phone and see the message,its from that number. It just reads: "its Gretchen. Please pick up.I really need to talk to you."

Ugh.this bitch. Who does she think she is? She has some nerve poking around after that sailor moon picture. Why would she do such a thing?? I'll also have to find out how she got my number.sure enough,the phone rings again. I let it ring a few times before I really decide to answer it. Curiosity is driving this more than anything else. " how'd you get this number?" I answer as bitchy as I can. Which for this hour of day,is pretty bitchy.

" um...hi..its me." she starts. She sounds rather timid and weak. This Will be a short conversation,so I cut her off.

"The number,Gretchen. How did you get it?" I answer back in the same way biff says 'hello,mcfly.'.

I hear her take a small breath before speaking. "Erich gave it to me." she says with a newly displayed defiant streak. Maybe she wasn't just going to roll over.I don't doubt this is true. Erich probably assumed he was doing me a favor by giving Gretchen my number. Note to self,change number.

I get up and walk out onto the balcony. This could get loud and I don't want to wake takara. I leave the glass door's curtains open so she can see me if she wakes up. The New York night is rather muggy. Like real muggy. I take the rubber band off my wrist and put my hair up into a pony tail. The breeze feels good on my neck. " ok....what do you want? I thought you made it abundantly clear how you felt. Good job on the sailor moon costume. My parents died in a tsunami,you want to dress up as a bloated and drowned corpse?" I snap at her. If she wanted to play, I will play.

" Erica,that's part of why I'm calling you. I really took things too far.like...waay too far. I'm sorry. Its just you hurt me so badly." she says in what sounds like a sincere voice. There were several times I wanted to cut her off,Ridicule her,hopefully make her cry....but no. Oddly enough a throw away comment by queen Alexis came to mind and I don't even remember the exact wording. But it was something to the effect of :why are You so mean? What happened to the sweet Erica?

Queen Alexis of all people ,is right.I've let this world turn me into some one who is just awful. I can be an adult and accept an apology. I mean,it's not like she had to seek me out and verbally apologize. " you know what,Gretchen? Its fine. Water under a bridge.I accept your apology. Now how do you think I hurt you? Because honestly? I don't see how I did." there. It doesn't feel as good as cutting someone else down,but I feel more productive.

"Oh!" Gretchen says in surprise. I guess She didn't expect it to go that easy. i didnt either,i was super pissed when i first found out about it.i had at least a dozen truly evil things i wanted to say to gretchen,but after she apologized...i just dont have the urge to. maybe this is how i can redeem myself to an imaginary natalya. maybe its time i stop being such a selfish little bitch. "well..when i learned you had a house and you never took me there. i felt used and,well more than a little cheap." gretchen's voice too seems almost disarmed. she was obviously expecting a fight too.

a simple question with many facets to the answer. none of which are going to be pleasant to say or to hear. so i choose the most simple and easy to explain answer. "i dont know you,gretchen. im sorry,but i am not going to take strangers to my house. my daughter sleeps there." i tell her carefully,at this point im walking around the balcony while i speak to her. i never could just SIT and talk on the phone.

gretchen is quiet for a little while on the other end of the phone. like i said,i know it wasnt the best thing to tell someone. "you never even tried to get to know me." she says this very quietly and very sadly. ouch,that was hard to hear. but what was her deal? im pretty sure she enjoyed just being sex partners as much as i did.

"not to sound mean,but i can say the same about you.i was under the impression that...THAT was what you wanted." i say in the most non confrontational voice i can muster. which is hard when you are basically saying that you thought someone wanted to be your groupie. i should really go back inside,its hot and im starting to sweat out here. and that isnt cute.


"how could i not know you? you're only the most famous musician in japan." she says as if this is perfectly logical. i can see where she is coming from,a lot of people seem to feel they know a celebrity ,but truthfully,they know a character. yes,im an open book for the most part,but there is still very much an erica hess and a hitomi kobayashi." that first morning was such a mistake." gretchen says and i can almost picture her shaking her head. "that set the tone for everything afterward. trust me,that wasnt my plan at all! i was merely staying there overnight to make sure you were ok. you know,you had a...bit to drink the night before.i've had a crush on you since,forever. there you were and...i just went for it." she says the last part very fast,i guess like anyone would do when confessing a crush in such a situation as this

i sigh,and i know its very audible. "you dont know me. you know things about me,yes. but you dont know me." i try to explain without sounding mean. god,i dont want to sound meaner than i've already acted to this poor girl. resemblance to natalya aside.which is basically just she is caucasion,blonde and has breast implants, i did really like her. she was funny and seemingly very kind. "yeah...i kind of got caught up in the moment too." i say,now playing with my ponytail. it did take two to tango,and we had a perfect storm of misunderstanding brewing.

gretchen thinks for a little while before agreeing. "yeah,i guess you are right. i really dont know you." its like saying this takes all the energy out of gretchen and she falls silent. there we were,on phones on opposite ends of the planet,silent. it was really awkward. someone should break the silence,i would give anything for some huge worldwide fart or something to break this weird silence. should i just hang up? quickly make up the excuse my battery is dying (which it kind is. pokemon go is a batter slayer.)

nope. fantastic sex aside,i really enjoyed gretchen's company. lets face it,im not getting any younger,and my days of being attractive are dwindling...yeah right,i'll be hot until at least 60.i still get carded in the usa for buying booze! i give a loud smack of my lips and take the first step. "gretchen,my name is hitomi kobayashi,and im pleased to meet you.".

"what?" i hear gretchen say quietly on her end of the phone. then she realizes what it is im trying to say. "very pleased to meet you ,miss kobayshi. gretchen allin,at your service.". jeez,her name really is gg allin. ill have to find this story out later. but for now? i'll settle for a do over of this relationship.
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Offline erich hess  
#12 Posted : 16 July 2016 03:39:50(UTC)
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"Done!" takara announces,like she just finished the master work of her career. In reality:she ate a pancake. She hops down from the table and runs to the main room of the house. There was important business there involving her stuffed animals. I take off running after her,washcloth in hand. I'm sure she has syrup all over her face and hands. For having such short legs,she is very fast!
I scoop her up from behind and she squeals loudly. "Gotcha!" I tell her,kissing her syrupy cheeks. " you can't play with syrup all over you,takara. You'll get all the fuzz stuck to you and I won't know which stuffed animal is you"

Takara growls and makes her hands like paws, "I'm the cute tiger." she replies,as if this is as obvious as the sky being blue.

" how could I forget? What,with the pouncing and all." I tell her in between trying to scrub her face and hands. She was having none of this and was doing her best to squirm away. I swear this kid can make herself liquid at times. " you need a New shirt,Taki. You got syrup all over it! " seriously,it looks like she was really into Jackson Pollack,but only if he would syrup her shirt.

"No." takara states and breaks free to run in to the main room. Ugh. This kid gives better results than any gym.

"You need a New shirt! You have stuff all over you." I call after her. I don't hear her bare feet on the floor,so either she has reached her toys,or she is hiding.
A second later I hear some silly song this plus walrus plAys if you sqeeuze his tusks. Something about making sure you brush your teeth or something. "So do you." I hear a tiny voice from the other room. I look down,and sure enough..her syrup has become my syrup. Shit,I liked this shirt too. I take it off while walking to my room.

"Saaay,you come around here often,hot stuff?" Nina's voice calls from her room. I look over and wink at her. Nina lives with me and I just love it. We've been inseparable since we first met. Honestly,her marriage was hard for me. Not because we weren't lovers anymore,but because i missed her being around. Any future mates of ours will have to be cool with us living at least next door to each other.

" I see you're back from Korea. Did you have lots of sex?" I ask her while rummaging through my t shirt drawer. If I was smart,I'd hang them up. But I'm lazier than I am smart. So balled up into a drawer they go. I settle on a blue
Shirt. It's just plain,but really makes me look cute.

Nina Rolls off the bed she was lying on and stands up. Its actually pretty impressive. She's like a cat. A cockney cat right out of a Victorian comic book. " oh yeah,love. They eventually kicked me out. Korea's economy is Mimi based,so my being there nearly bankrupted the country." Nina says rather proudly. This makes me almost wonder if she is right. Both about Korea's economy and the amount of sex she had. What? You don't picture your friends having sex? If You don't, get hotter friends. " what's with the shirt change? You trying to seduce me,miss kobayashi?" she adds with giggle.

"Nah. You'd know if I was.I certainly wouldn't be smelling like maple syrup." I grin,holding up my old shirt.

"I don't know,love..I kinda ..fancy it" she says softly and grabbing me around the waist. Lord,if anyone saw the way we interact sometimes,they'd swear we were fucking. But nope. This is just the way we are with each other. We respect each other's relationships to Not make it more than goofing around.

I cling to her tightly,." we can't let misses Butterworth find out" I say dramatically like I'm on a soap opera. Being close to Nina I realize: she's been using my perfume! Here I thought it was evaporating! Oh well,it smells good on her. So who am I to put a damper on it? " takara struck again." I say with a smirk,holding up my old shirt. It had Brown streak all over the front. Personally,I think it would be funnier if it was a syrup outline of takara's body. But sadly cartoon physics don't work in the real-world.

I nod for Nina to follow me into takara's room so I can get her a new shirt as well. Takara's room is pretty messy. There are dolls and little cars every where. Its not a pig sty,it's just a kid's room. "So...."Nina asks,playfully poking me in the sides. This causes me to dance like an idiot trying to get away from the pokes. My tummy is very ticklish and Nina knows this."how'd it gooooo " she asks,like a fucking school kid.

"Let me get takara a clean shirt and I'll tell you." I say,trotting out to where takara is. The main room of the house is very large,with sliding screens to divide it ,if need be. We usually keep it open,aside from the screens that close the bedrooms off from it. In the middle is takara's land of stuffed toys and a small plastic hut she plAys in. "Taki,change your shirt please." I ask her,handing her a New shirt. Its white and has the two girls from frozen on it. It was a gift from Karoliena. I guess she figures all kids like frozen,so takara will too. She Is right,takara does love it. The building of the ice castle is her favorite part. She gets pissed off when she can't get ice cubes to do what she wants. Takara takes her shirt and goes into her hut to change.she's a very modest child. After a few moments she is out and playing again. Ill have to remember go get the shirt from inside there .I don't want ants in the house.

Nina and I sit on the little couch nearby. I know she wants to know how the talk with Gretchen went. The other night I had Gretchen over for a visit and had Nina on takara duty. It was late at when she arrived ,and takara is in bed at 8:30. But I wanted to make sure Nina could pop into action if takara needed anything. While things with Gretchen are proceeding,(and proceeding well!) I'm not bringing her into takara's life yet. I don't want takara to get attached to someone,just for them to leave a month later. I'm just not going to do this. Gretchen understands.this was the first thing we talked about.


----Continued later----
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Offline erich hess  
#13 Posted : 23 July 2016 03:46:52(UTC)
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Ooc: that conversation won't be continued.it was basically just pointless exposition to Nina. Off screen we'll just assume Nina knows all about everything. Evntually Nina agreed with Erica,even if she has reservations about Gretchen.




Things have been going swimmingly with Gretchen. I think...I think I love her. Yeah,I know I fall in love quickly. But I really don't think I've been wrong yet. Well,not in the big picture at least. I don't think love at first sight is reAl. That's lust. ( we have our share of that too. I think the sex has really gotten better since our making this a real relationship.) but you can tell pretty quickly if you love someone or not.at least I can. I haven't told Gretchen that I love her. I don't want to seem like a nut.

Tonight we went out for steaks and some drinks. The place we went to was perfect.it was the sort of that older people went to and was very quiet. It was sort of the anti Osaka that Gretchen and I knew. We had a few drinks,so we took a taxi home.back to the lust thing I mentioned earlier,we were all over each other in thAt taxi...tastefully though.we weren't going at it,but it was clear what was going to happen when we got out of that taxi. Its a small wonder that we didn't,we both seem to be exhibitionists. We had the taxi drop us off at Gretchen's apartment.

Her building was typicAl of many apartment buildings. This particular one wasn't too tall ,painted a non descript cream color and was probably built in the 1980s. We managed to get in the elevator with about 5 other people. The elevator was one of those tacky ones with mirrors everywhere.I managed to squeeze myself into a corner while Gretchen stood beside me. As we stood and waited for her floor,I felt her pinkie link with mine. She looks over at smiles at me. Gretchen was very quiet when she was around more than a couple of people. The rest of the people in the elevator spoke of mundane things. Work,school,the weather. Well one guy did seem to be having an affair. He told someone on the phone that he was still at work.lies! It was pretty funny how everyone glared at him.
Eventually we got to Gretchen's house. Second floor from the top . apartment C.

" ok.you'll have to excuse the mess. I hate putting things away." Gretchen explains while fiddling with the lock. The way She says this over her shoulder and her tone implies take It or or leave it, this is how she lives. I couldn't care less. Well,as long as she isn't a hoarder or the mess is biological. I don't mind stuff being everywhere. But that "stuff" I uneaten food or animal poop? I am out of there.

" please. I have a child. Its been almost 3 years since I've had a clean house." I reply to her,smacking her butt playfully. With a final key fiddle and a creak,the door was open. I like to think my butt smack helped things along. I know it helped me! I love butt smacking. They are just so....touchable.

Inside,Gretchen's house is indeed messy. But not like in a slob sort of way. She just had A LOT of Shit packed into this tiny apartment. her house looked like a comic store jizzed in a closet. There were action figures,manga books,Rolled up posters, bits of model...things(?) plushes of all sorts of creatures,and at least 6 different video game systems on a tiny,free standing , shelf. " home sweet home. " she announces loudly and pulling me inside. Ok,I really thought the names of akira characters were as deep as her nerdhood went....oh I was wrong. " you want a drink,hitomi?" she offers,opening her refrigerator.

I loved hearing my name from her mouth. It sounded slightly softer than every other word she spoke." no thanks,I'm not really thirsty." I reply to her and pick up some manga book and flip through it....oh! Its one of THOSE kinds!

Gretchen lets out a little sigh of relief. " thank god you didn't want anything. I Just have a single can of Pepsi.I really need to go shopping." Gretchen laughs and opens the drink.it makes a little hiss sound and she takes a drink. Her eyes bug out and She dives over to take the book from my hand. " THATS NOT MINE!! I was just...holding it for someone" she giggles in embarrassment.

I dance around,trying to keep it from her,but can't. Her arms are s bit longer than mine,So keep away isn't an option. " you don't have tentacle moNsters in here,do you?! " I tease her loudly as she finally snatches her book back.

" I'll thank you to leave my sex toy drawer out of this,thank you very much. "Gretchen giggles and smacks my butt with the book. I shriek with surprise as she smacked me pretty hard.

I try to find my own weapon to smack her back,but only action figures are within reach. I like Gretchen,so I'm not going to give her a plastic goku upside the head.so I do the next best thing,I snatch her Pepsi and quickly drink over half of it,finishing with a smack of my lips. " it's so refreshing. Yum yum yum! " I say with all the subtlety of a Michael bay film.

Gretchen looks genuinely shocked that I drank her drink. She looks at the book in her hand and back to the now near empty Pepsi. " you little bitch. I am sooo thumbing you in the ass!" she counters,giving me a little shove into her bedroom.

The apArtment was small,so it was easy to shove someone Anywhere you wanted theme kitchen,bathroom,bedroom,balcony. All within easy each. Gretchen's bedroom looked the same as the rest of the dwelling. The theme seemed to be more legend of Zelda than anime in here though. But the arrangement of things made it seem more coincidence than anything else. Her bed was a small one,but looked very soft and inviting. I expected character sheets,but there were just blue and white plaid ones.as soon as we're down on The bed,her hands are in my shirt. I love it. As you may notice,I'm very self conscious about my chest. Not enough to have surgery though. Mainly because I'm scared of getting a bad boob job like Suzie. But to have someone like Gretchen,who lets face it,has a great boob job pay attention to what I have?! Take me fucking now!

Well,you can guess where things went From here. It was hot,it was passionate,but also very sweet. And no,she didn't really thumb me in the ass! She used her middle finger,it was longer. I kid ! I kid! It was about 10 minutes after all the wild stuff and we are just lying on her bed. Gretchen is on her back and I'm sort of curled beside her,my head resting close to her neck. Which is good,as its in optimal kissing range. "I..." I nearly tell her that I love her.I honestly feel so close to her right now. But I don't say it,I'm too scared. " gretchy,you know if you want a bigger place," I start and before I can finish,Gretchen cuts me off.

"I'm not a pet,hitomi. I don't need taken care of." she says simply,now turning on her side and facing me. This takes me by surprise as I really don't know where it's coming from. I thought we were having a nice time.

" I...never said you were. " I answer her,now turning on my side to face her.this gives about 2 inches of bed between us.

" You kind of treat me like one sometimes. I don't like when you offer to buy things or try to get me to stay home from work." Gretchen speaks,sounding very hurt.

" I'm...sorry. I just want the best for you.I was just trying to help." I tell her softly. I never thought of it like how she is saying. I thought I was helping. Really,is it so wrong to want to use the good luck you've had and help other people?

Gretchen furrows her brow and looks downward. " well it doesn't help. It makes me feel like Shit. I don't want a car from you ,I don't want a bigger place from you,I want you. That's it.I told you the first time,I want to be equals in this relationship." she says this while almost glaring at me.I don't know why she is So pissed off at me.

" but there is literally no reason for you to work!" I say in amazement. Why would anyone want to work?! I can easily support about 40 people in quite extravagant lifestyles.

Gretchen sighs angrily and turns over,now facing away from me. " ugh. You aren't getting it! I.do.not.want.to.be.dependant.on.you.or.anyone. I moved here from Austria with nothing.I don't have much,but what I have is mine." she says in frustration. Her back heaves with the breaths she is taking. " you can stay the night if you wish. If my fuckin hovel doesn't offend you,that is." she says this with finality and pulls the covers over her naked body. Did I mention this argument was taking place while we were naked?

I lay on my back,trying desperately not to touch Gretchen. Its hard,because this is a twin sized bed. I am silent as I listen to the occasional tick of her ceiling fan. I go over what Gretchen said In my head. I guess I never considered how fiercely independent she was. It took balls to move all the way across the world to a place where you knew no-one. She did that and has thrived. Japan is not a cheap place to live,nor are all these collectibles she owns. I really wasn't trying to insult her. It really hurts knowing that I did. Its starting again...every time I try to help,I just hurt people. " I'm sorry,Gretchen." I tell the back her body. I turn and face her,attempting to put my arm around her waist. At first,I didn't think Gretchen was going to let me. She keeps her arm clenched tightly to her side. Eventually She loosens up and lets my arm wrap around her. Her breathing still feels very upset. " I am sorry. I didn't mean to insinuate that I think you NEED my help.or that you want anything from me. " I tell her softly.

I feel Gretchen sigh before turning over to face me. Her eyes weren't exactly wet. But they looked like they could be at any moment. She looks into my eyes and then to where my tattoos just start. "I guess this makes us even?" she asks with a small laugh. At first,I really don't know what she is talking about,but then I remember: the sailor moon incident. I guess we still have some boundaries to work out.

I nod and lean in to kiss her cheek.she turns her face at the last moment and I get her lips. " kiss me on the mouth. We aren't just friends." she laughs warmly.we hold each other close and enjoy the moment. Another tiff has came and went. This could really work.
"I still owe you a Thumb in the ass." she whispers into my ear.
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#14 Posted : 04 August 2016 08:27:15(UTC)
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" no! " gretchen shouts,stamping her feet. "i am not doing this again!" she shouts in indignant rage. honestly,if i didnt know better,i'd assume her voice is full of hate. its been a few days and we are deep into the harlots tour of japan and korea. this is the first tour i have brought any of my love interests on. touring is an entirely different world to the normal day to day life. nothing is forbidden on tour. drugs, sex,booze. it is all here and in more than abundance.i dont know about gretchen,but i am very fucking drunk.i think i've drank a bottle of jager myself. she is pretty close behind me from what i can recall.

"cmon." i slur towards her. "it'll be fun,gretchen. we can do anything to these 4 girls. ANYTHING!"
i call towards her,trying to pull her into the hotel room. gretchen probably has a good 20 pounds on me,so im not tugging her anywhere she doesnt want to go. we had already had a threesome the night before,i have no idea why she is being weird now. besides,we are looking at fucking 4 girls tonight! that chance doesnt happen every other day. this only happens every few weeks or so.

gretchen lets go of my hand,causing me to tumble towards the wall. i hit my head and see stars. this sensation isnt near as easy as it seems in cartoons. hitting your head so hard you see stars is PAINFUL in the real world. "why,hitomi! why?" she shouts at me in japanese. she may be austrian,but she is far more comfortable in japanese. at least when it comes to fighting with me. "am i not enough? i have done everything i can for you! some things i have ONLY done for you. yet you still want more?" gretchen shakes her head and looks for something to throw at me. luckily,the only thing around is a potted fern and i assume gretchen assumes this thing would kill me if she threw it.

i sit against the wall and try to plan out the steps it will take to get to my feet. in this stage of drunkeness,just getting to my feet seems like too much an effort. so i remain on my ass against the wall."what are you on about? this has nothing to do with us. there will still be an us tomorrow. if people are willing to pleasure us,why should we not accept?" i ask her this as if its the most obvious thing in the world,which it is. i have no idea why she is being so difficult over such a trivial matter.

gretchen looks as if she wants to kick me in the teeth. for a minute,i think she actually will. her teeth and fists are clenched tightly. she is wearing heavy boots. grinders,i think. ever since doc martens started being made in china,more and more rockers have been sporting grinders. if she rared back and kicked me in the face with those,my teeth would be busted for sure. " you know what? do what you want,hitomi." she says quietly. at this point she turns her back on me and walks off with her hands in the air.. "when i first met you,i felt sorry for you. but there is a reason you are alone,when you feel ready to join the human race,call me. but i am no longer going to be a part of...whatever the fuck this is." at this point she walks towards the elevator and presses the down button.

i furrow my brows and want to kick something. anything. this woman is judging me. like she has any idea what the world is like?! like she knows what they want to take from you? people want to eat you alive until there is nothing left. this world has taken everything from me,am i wrong to want to give exactly that treatment in return. " fuck you! "i shout at gretchen's back. " you dont know shit!" i yell loud enough to wake the entire building up,with my fist clenched at my sides.

at this point,gretchen grabs me back the back of my hair and pulls me close. its quick and with such force i cant resist. for good measure,she is lifting me slightly off the ground.if i wasnt on my tippy toes,id be suspended by my hair. "is this what you want,hitomi? you want someone to call on being the evil bitch you are?" she sneers this mere inches from my face. i try to push away,but she isnt relenting.
"these fucking whores arent going to tell you what you want to hear and neither am i. nobody is going to punish you,hitomi. shit happens. so get the fuck over it." she drops me unceremoniously on my ass. at this point,i realize my ass isnt the bulbous treasure i picture it as. falling on the concrete hurts.

i sit on my butt and glare up at gretchen. how dare she profess to know why i do what i do? how stupid is it to want to be punished?! the best part of life is getting away with something without being punished. "i know you'll still be there waiting for me. even if i go inside this door." i tell her evilly,and tap the door with the key card. she wants to play the psychoanalyst card,we will fucking play. i know when i have someone infatuated with me,i wasnt born yesterday.

gretchen taps the button a second time. and leans against the wall. " are you really willing to take that chance,hitomi?" gretchen asks,raising her eyebrow .im fairly sure her hair is dyed blonde,so her eyebrows are slightly darker. its near impossible to not have your eye drawn to her eyebrow,even if it wasnt in motion. if this chick thinks she can guilt me into anything,she obviously doesnt know erica hess. the door of the elevator dings open and we both stare at each other,waiting for the other to break. i give her a little motion with my head to emphasize the door is open. finally gretchen shakers her head and steps in the elevator. as she steps inside,she gives me the finger and mouths,"fuck you,erica." and is soon whisked away to some floor below us.

soon i am sitting there alone in the lobby of the 5th floor of this hotel. im still sitting on my ass on the floor,so i sigh and look up at the ceiling. its a fairly calming yellow with white rosettes between each time. the rock and roll lifestyle isnt for everyone. i guess gretchen just cant take it. some people cant handle a life where anything is within reach. indulgence instead of abstinence,isnt just a motto in my line of work. if i was smart,i'd have never brought her on tour with us. there is no such thing as too much to drink unless you are vomiting in a toilet. there is no such thing as too many drugs unless you are dead. why shouldnt we fuck everyone of these people we can? people live their entire lives dreaming of these scenarios. its almost a slap in the face of the universe if we dont accept. with a final sigh,i reach up an slide the room key into the lock.

the door opens and i see the room is empty. i enter the room and sit on the bed. its a huge king sized hotel bed and is draped in the awful comforter that is in a zillon pornos. who knows where the people who gave me the key are. its possible they are still at the bar,or maybe at the casino next door. all i know is a i am alone,so i fall back on the bed and cry. its the sort of cry i have held in for years. its the cry i wanted to give when i realized that i was solely responsible for takara. the sort of cry i wanted to do when nichole left me. the sort of cry that is reserved for when you feel the most sorry for yourself.before i knew it,i was curled up on this strange bed,bawling my eyes out. i dont know why i do what i do. or why i want the world to pay for my mistakes. all i know is i contain more pain than i know i can bear. i want everyone to feel it,even people i love.
eventually,i force myself to a standing position and prepare to leave. maybe gretchen is still downstairs and ready to collect me. for good measure,i steal everything from the mini bar before i go. i want these people to pay. i dont care in what form it is. with tiny kit kat in hand,i press the down button.
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#15 Posted : 05 August 2016 13:02:05(UTC)
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I hate this. The only sound on the bus is the drone of the diesel engine. Ingrid hates having the radio on while she drives. I thjnk the radio waves fuck with her sensors or something. Nobody is saying anything since the sour mood hanging in the air is almost able to be grabbed. I'd imagine it would feel slightly more firm than Jell-O but not as firm as play dough. It would definitely smell like Jell-O.

I pop another Vicodin in my mouth and swallow it dry. I've done this enough where i dont need a drink. Shortly afterward,i hear a judgmental sigh come from the direction of Gretchen. I just turn and look out the window. Her grumpiness has really made this tour a chore. The foul mood grows in palpability. I'd say it's went to near tennis ball material.and pulsating.
" Pulling over for lunch. This little cafe looks adorable. They claim to have the best food in town.i can't see an establishment just saying that for the hell of it." Ingrid announces before slowing the bus and turning into the parking lot.

Ingrid is right,its a cute little place. The sort of place where the tea will be super sweet and perfect. The building is white painted wood and sits right on the beach. The signs are garish,as most thjngs in Korea tend to be,but in a really cute way. So i give it a pass.

"Thank God." Nina says before gathering her things. Nina's purse....I find it a true sign of where we are in life,the thing must have cost her thousands. When I first met Nina,if something didn't fit in her pockets,she didn't carry it. It's possible mikki bought it for her. It certainly fit her...."style". Nina ,Chloe and Ingrid get off the bus,while all three give me a look that says: "fix this,or we're burying you on this beach." They didn't even bother asking if we wanted anything. I almost join them,mainly to hear Nina order food in Korean. Its hilarious because she's really good at it...I assume. I don't speak it,but everyone seems to understand her. She has even won an argument in Korean. That's when you know you can speak a language well....now I wonder if she speaks Korean when she's fucking mikki.

Now alone on the bus, Gretchen and I sit on opposite sides of the small sitting area of the bus. If things weren't so tense right now,it would be cute how we both are sitting with our arms crossed.
Gretchen looks me in the eyes and waits for me to speak first. Fat chance of that. I can do this all day. I stare her right back in the eyes. Still,she doesn't flinch. The longer I stare at her,the more awkward this feels. Finally I have to speak. Not because she outwilled me,but because we're wasting time.i have better things to do than stare at people. " What?" I ask her,breakjng the silence and eye contact.

"What." She repeats.she uses a tone that implies I just said the stupidest thjng ever uttered by a person. " Are we just going to forget about last night? " She asks calmly and crosses her legs. Her voice is calm,but her actions aren't.

" I already have." I say nonchalantly. I draw my knees up under me and pick at the material of the small couch. these pills are taking too long go take effect. I think I was sold Percocets instead. Fuck. those things are basically useless.

Gretchen is quiet for probably a good two minutes or so. Her eyes move from my eyes down to my shoulders and back again. " What is wrong with you?" She finally asks. " Like ,seriously. What is wrong with you?" She asks in almost an offhanded way.

" What's wrong with me?" I ask,this time being my turn to repeat a question. " Nothing is wrong with me. I like to have fun when it presents itself. Don't be a stick in the mud, Gretchen." I reply with a little chuckle. If people would just let go once in while,the world would be a happier place. I'm just trying to help Gretchen out.

Her eyebrows instantly dart down and bounces her left foot in the air. " Are you not happy unless someone hates you? This is an ugly sside of you,hitomi,and I don't like it." She shakes her head and crosses her arms a little tighter around herself. before I can reply,she speaks again. " And what the hell was that last night? A test? Are you really trying to see how far you can push me?? Trust me,its not as far as you think."

I roll my eyes at Gretchen. " Yes.i just love when people hate me,gretchen. That's why I brought you along on this tour. I wanted you to hate me and make things really awkward for everyone." I tell her sarcastically. I can't stand when people assume they know the reason why I do things. " Last night was supposed to be a bit of fun. That's all it was. You read too much into things" I explain and turn slightly away from Gretchen.

" I honestly don't know which is worse,the bullshit you say,or the fact you seem to believe it." She snaps at me. At this point she stands up and paces the aisle of the bus. "You don't even realize what you do. How many times have I told you to be nice? If you don't have enemies,you make them. now you're trying to make me dislke you?" Gretchen asks, flinging her arms out.

I turn and glare at Gretchen. I really want to fire back with a good zinger,but nothing comes to mind. I merely sit and glare are her, then towards the ground. I feel like I will cry if i look at Gretchen. I can feel the heat starting to spread from my ears. Im going to start crying at any minute and I will look weak.

Gretchen stops her pacing and stands slightly in front of me,but not directly. Its like she is purposely not boxing me in. " The truth hurts, doesn't it?" She asks gently,and not in the triumphant way she could. She sighs softly and sits on the far end of my couch. " Hitomi,you are both the best and worst person i have ever met. " She stops and just lets this statement hang in the air.

I feel myself nod slightly. The heat from my ears is now in my cheeks..I can see my vision getting blurry. Its going to start and I can't stop it,so I just keep focused on the floor. If i dont see her,she can't see me. Right? I don't know why I do what I do. Is this my defense mechanism? Fuck things up and then I don't have to worry how it turns out? I couldn't even tell you why i did what I did last night. I did want to see just how much Gretchen would take before she said no more. In a weird and twisted way....I enjoyed knowing I was pushing too far. I am an awful person. I know I wouldn't have done anything if people were in that hotel room. It was merely to prove a point to Gretchen. With every bit of my being holding back tears,i apologize to Gretchen. " I'm sorry. I ....really don't even know why i treated you so. " I tell her, wincing when I hear my voice crack.

gretchen shakes her head before looking up at the bus' ceiling. i dont know if she is being polite and not looking at me,disgusted and cant look at me,or really thinking what she is going to say next. "no. you dont get to do this. this is exactly what you wanted. you push push and push,then when you hit the slightest resistance? you instantly back down and everything is supposed to be ok? fuck you. we're discussing this,or we arent. there is no half assing this." gretchen states. states is the best word for her style of doing verbal battle. she doesnt really raise her voice or even sound angry. it always seems to be such a maddening calm of pure logic. which is really odd,since she is usually a ball of energy. "just be honest. tell me why. saying i dont know isnt an answer. you're a mother. you know this as well as any." she says with a half smile and picks up one of the pillows. she places it on her lap and wraps her arms around it.

confused,i sit there and look at gretchen. i dont even want to cry anymore. im too busy trying to find an answer to her question. it really feels like i am back in school and the teacher has called on me when i wasnt paying attention. "well..." i start slowly. "at first i really wanted you to feel the absolute freedom that touring gives. then when you seemed to want no part in it..i felt kind of ashamed and didnt use the most constructive way of letting you know." i say,in a surprisingly calm voice. i am not religious,but sometimes i think this woman could be the Buddha.

"see? was that so frickin hard?" gretchen asks,kicking my foot. "listen,i agreed to the first time just to experience it. it was weird,i hated it. i am never,ever doing it again. i felt dirty and nasty afterwards. i tried telling you,but you wouldnt listen. i dont know if it is because of the..,or what." she makes a little gesture like i should know what fills in the blank. we're on the harlots tour bus,i dont think anyone is going to care if she says drugs. this is the first time gretchen has mentioned my intake of chemicals. its not like this a big surprise to her. she certainly has partook of her share on this tour,so i know she isnt a prude. "that life. it isnt for me. if its what you want? fine.i will go home and leave you to it. but dont expect me to wait for you." gretchen says with finality.

it was odd how she could go from almost joking to basically telling me to choose between her and touring hijinks. it wasnt much of a choice. i've given it up before and would gladly give it up again.i give a little shrug and nod slowly. " of course i am going to say no to all that. i invited you along on the tour because i want you with me. i thought maybe you would like the decadence part of road life." i explain to her.

"fair enough.in the future? no more of ....that. you,me. that is it." gretchen states,waving her arms. "you are still avoiding the issue of still barging ahead after i made it clear i wasnt going to join you last night. i know for a fact you didnt do anything,i met the girls in the hotel bar. i spent a good bit of time playing air hockey with them,and waiting for you to come down that elevator. but you never did. did you really sit in an empty hotel room just to prove a point? god,hitomi. you are so fucking childish and desperate for negative attention." gretchen laughs when she says the last bit. and again,she isnt mean when she says this. its stated as mere observation.i turn beet red as its embarrassing. and true.

"well...i did clean out the mini bar." i offer up pathetically. the jig was up and i felt foolish. possibly the most foolish i have ever felt,and god knows i have made a career out of being foolish.

"ooh,watch out. we got a bad ass over here." gretchen says while mimicking the meme. granted,its not as funny when she does it,but she does make a pretty good neil degrasse tyson face. in spite of being female and not mustached. "seriously,hitomi. what the fuck? you arent a bad ass. you arent a bitch. you are a scared little girl hiding behind a facade. let it go." gretchen says while grabbing my hands. "let it gooooooo" she starts singing like the frozen girl.sometimes she really reminds me of honor. she is someone else who really understands me,and i mean the ugly little core of me that even i dont want to admit exists.

i furrow my brow and try to take my hands back from gretchen,but she has a pretty firm grasp on them.i give two more tugs,but she isnt letting go. in spite of previously singing to let it go. i finally just give up and let her hold my hands.

"you cant change how nicole treated you by becoming her." gretchen says with a small shake of her head. its a small sentence and a a small gesture,but if this was mortal kombat? FINISH HER would have previously flashed on the screen. if there was one thing we never spoke about,it was nicole. we had a few conversations about natalya. it was a given since she was takara's actual mother and i was married to her. hell,gretchen even insinuated she knew what happened in osaka prison. its possible,who knows what she overhears in juro's club. i forget a lot of times that that entire first...thing with nicole was very public knowledge. our battles were usually done in public forums and rarely behind closed doors.

i think i audibly gasped when she said this. i dont want to absolve myself of any blame,sure i can see my own actions through rose colored glasses. and probably have in this very account of my life,but...nicole set me on the course to be what i am. i gave so much of myself to her,only to be rejected, that i had to refill it somehow. bitterness is cheap and plentiful,so i chose that. use people before they use me and i will never look like an idiot again. i make several noises and glance from gretchen to the floor and back again. i cant even form words i am so flabbergasted she went there.
gretchen's eyes widen slightly. she knows she has went further than she should have. but her expression says she doesnt exactly regret it. it was something she felt had to be done. it wasnt right that this was falling on gretchen. i should have my shit together by now,but i dont. everything happened so fast. nicole,natalya being killed,becoming a mother,trying to kill myself,becoming a good mother,nicole leaving me....i never had time to process everything. "why are you here?" i finally ask her.at this point i couldnt help but assume she is a glutton for punishment and i am never going to be right again.

gretchen sighs and looks out the bus window. it feels like ages,but its only been about 20 minutes or so. a couple playing with a small pug on the beach catches her eye and she watches it for a bit before answering. " well...its going to sound super creepy. but:i loved you before we ever met.you need someone who at least knows what youve been through. i am willing to work with you if you work with me. in time,i think i could be a good step mom to your daughter. if it doesnt work between us,so be it. i will at least know i tried." she says with a small shrug. in a way,she is right. it does sound really creepy and more than a little weird. but...on the other hand? is she really wrong?
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Offline erich hess  
#16 Posted : 16 August 2016 06:00:10(UTC)
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"She is so beautiful. She does look just like you,wook at those wittle cheeks." i coo down at karoliena's daughter,Eris. We had a free day and i drove out to see karoliena and cassie. I had just missed cassie,she had went out to do some vocal work. So at the moment,it was just karoliena,me,And the kids. The older children were occupied rummaging through a huge bag of shit i brought from Japan. Mainly candy and toys. I think there were some drinks in there too. Id never say it,but karoliena has changed since having eris. She's slightly warmer and more open.at least towards me. I like to think she realizes that those green drinks i forced down her gullet had something to do with how wonderful this baby turned out.

Karoliena smiles proudly,like anyone does when told their child is beautiful. Sure,later you can compliment how smart or funny a kid is,but at this age? Its either a pretty baby or it isnt. " well someone has to inherit my legacy. " karoliena giggles with a little shrug. If anyone else said this and used the matter of act tone,theyd seem like a total bitch. But karoliena knows she is attractive and owns it. Id venture to say she is probably the most physically beautiful person i have ever seen.

"So modest. Lets hope she inherits that tooooooo" i sing in response to karoliena but to eris. As i sit and hold eris,i cant help but wonder...does karoliena feel different about eris than cassie's kids? Is it different being physically related to a child? I worry a lot that im not bonded correctly with takara. Dont get me wrong,i think the world revolves around that child. Shes the first person ive cared more about than myself. So i guess thats right? "Karoliena...is it...different?" i say carefully,gesturing to eris and to the room where the other kids are playing. I doubt karoliena would be offended by the Question. She is nearly impossible to offend.

Karoliena smiles slightly and looks from eris to the other room. I can hear the dull roar of three young kids playing. " yeah." she nods carefully. As if just acknowledging this fact will hurt the kids' feelings. " its not like a degree of loving one more than the other. Its not even a measurement of attachment. I feel the same way towards all of the children. They are just as much mine. The only real difference is looking at eris is like looking into a little mirror." karoliena smiles. She is completely pleased with her life and it really fills the room she is in.

"Oh." i say. Im not sure i know exactly what she means. But i wrap my head around it as much as i can.

Karoliena laughs and flips my hair with her fingers. I sputter and try to get it out of my mouth. Playful karoliena is weird,but i like it. " don't get all mopey. Takara is a little you." she tells me,taking eris from me. The kid is content being held,thats for sure. The baby makes a little sound as Karoliena resettles herself.

"Yeah. We look so much alike." i say with a roll of my eyes.

Karoliena gives me a look that says:"really,bitch?" and lightly kicks me with her foot. "You're going to give the poor girl a complex if you focus on that. Look at the gestures and expressions she makes. Takara is a clone of you." karoliena says before kissing eris on her tiny nose. There is slight residue of lipstick which karoliena wipes with her thumb.i respond with a fairly weak smile. Do i really want takara to be another me? Karoliena must see the thought bubble above my head and kicks my again. This time a little harder. " Jesus,erica. You take yourself waaaay too seriously."

Karoliena telling me not to take myself so serious...this is rich. but i think i can see her point. Honestly,ever since takara ive felt i must be perfect in eveything i do for her. I feel i owe her that much. But maybe there isnt a perfect. There is just what is. I would be a liar if i said i didnt compare myself to Karoliena's parenting. She really just seems to have it nailed. While i feel like im one bad day away from being on the news as bad parent of the day. " yeah..but i kind of have to." i start as my excuse.

" youre doing fine,erica. Well other than not bringing takara with you for visits,whats up with that?" karoliena asks with a smile. Its so weird seeing this side of karoliena. I never knew or even thought she'd WANT to see takara. But i will say it feels so good to hear these words from Karoliena. Maybe im a petty person,but i love to hear validation. Especially from karoliena.

" its hard to pry her away from mariko. Mariko practicAlly shoves me out on tours so she can have taki time." i laugh genuinely hard. I love the relationship mariko has with takara. They love each other so much....and mariko lets takara get away with murder. So you know takara loves it.

Karoliena tickles eris under her chin...or where a chin would be. Eris is a fat little thing. Her overall shape is round,so there isnt much chin there. " does aunt karoliena have to fight for rights? Because she totally will.yes she will." karoliena speaks in baby talk as eris smiles a baby smile when her chin is touched. "Seriously though,erica. Takara has a ready made group of friends right here. We have guest rooms..." karoliena offers before hugging me with her free arm. I look at her very askew. Where is the karoliena i knew like 4 years ago?! Was that one off dominatrix session a test to see if i was worthy? Im genuinely confused.

"Um..sure.." i agree,still running the previous statement from karoliena through my processor. "Why? " i finally ask,motioning my hand between karoliena and myself. Maybe this is some weird ploy to have another go at me. I am sorry,but summers games are not for me!

"We're the last ones of the clan who still have kids." karoliena answers simply. Its true,and rather depressing. At one time,it seemed like we all had children. And now? They're all gone. "And do i really have to come out and say ,erica. You are my friend." Karoliena states dramatically,holding both my hands for effect. I had suspected as much,but it was nice to hear her say it.




Continued sometime
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#17 Posted : 28 August 2016 14:50:13(UTC)
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Gretchen's gasps become further apart and she loosens her death grip on my hair. Another successful kitty kissing by Hitomi kobayashii. Thank you,cum again. I really hope my kitty is half as pretty as Gretchen's. Is that weird to think? Her's looks so perfect that it could be a mass produced sex toy and we would make millions. It is just soooo kissable.I give it one final and long lick before Gretchen squeezes my head with her thighs before pushing me away.
" Fucking stop! It tickles!" she giggles loudly.

" you like it,dirty girl". I tease her,now kissing her inner thighs and then her belly button. It's exhausting work being the best kitty kisser in osska,so I lay my head on Gretchen's stomach,giving it occasional kisses.

"Don't kiss my moles! You'll catch cancer or something." she shrieks,wrapping her legs around my back and squeezing.

"Great,now my boobs are wet,thanks to you." I laugh. She responds by squeezing me harder and grinding on my chest harder. I try to wriggle free,but she has me secured pretty well. I use a free hand to pinch her ass. She squeals in surprise and lets her legs loosen. I slide upwards on her body until we are face to face.

"Maybe you are just a messy eater. You need a bib?" Gretchen smiles,wiping my cheek with her finger. She kisses my arms which are on either side of her head before tasting her own finger. "It DOES taste like chicken." she says thoughtfully looking off into the distance.

Sex with Gretchen is always like this. We laugh as much as do anything else. Oh it's passionate as all get out. But we are always making each other laugh with something or the other.before I know what I'm doing,I look into Gretchen's eyes and whisper,"I love you." I've known it for awhile,but never wanted to be the first to say it. But I do. I Fucking love her like I've never loved anyone before. Yeah I know the inherent humor in that phrase. But I feel so connected with her. its really the closest i have ever came to the love i have for erich. most people would never understand the connection i have with him. the best way to describe it is: you meet your soulmate,but you really dont want to fuck them. closer than a sibling,but not quite a lover. i always found it hilarious that erich's ex wife thought i was the one to worry about,but paid no mind to karoliena. please,karoliena would have fucked erich again just to prove a point to ada. that point being there is nothing ada could have which karoliena couldnt take. like ive said before,karoliena is possibly the most beautiful person i have ever met. she knows she is hard to resist.

"I know." Gretchen says Cooley. But I can see the change in her eyes when I speak. They grow slightly larger and turn a slightly lighter green.* it really wouldnt be our style if she instantly got all weepy and touched over this. but the tiny changes in her face tells me all i need to know. she feels the same,but also didnt want to say it first.if i've learned anything in my life,its time can be absurdly short. get everything in while you can.

"Fuck you,star wars sucks." I quip back. Gretchen instantly rolls me over and is on top of me,her hands grasping the sides of my head. she leans down to kiss me, and what a kiss it is! it is soft but long.if it were at kitty level,i'd be climbing the walls right about now.

"get the fuck outta here with your star trek bullshit." gretchen replies looking into my eyes. i give her a little kiss on the chin and fold my arms behind my head. now it is her turn to lay her head on my stomach. when she does,i stroke her hair with my hands. i know it is a little wrong,but i cant help but think a little about natalya now. blonde hair between my fingers takes me back to those times.i do enjoy the sensation of gretchen lying on me. it displays being utterly comfortable with me. deep down,i know she has no reason to trust me. but i am glad she does.

"please. star wars is like the good fellas to star trek's godfather." i tell gretchen and let her blond locks fall from my fingers. she looks back up at me and kisses my belly button softly.

"i am not going to go into how wrong you are,hitomi." gretchen says,tracing the sinewy dragon that is tattooed on my chest. it takes up most of the skin of the front part of my body,with a samurai taking up most of my back. there is a certain intimacy that comes with this. only my closest friends have ever seen this dragon,only gretchen has ever touched it. in retrospect,i wish i never would have gotten my near full body tattoo. but i had to get my revenge on natalya's killer.i just had to. there is no reason he should get to live out the rest of his days while she didnt. im back to being just a figurehead of the yakuza,but i do agree with juro. it was not my calling in life. but im still marked as such,so what do i do? deal with it i guess. gretchen lightly circles my left nipple with her finger and all is forgotten. this moment is all that matters. "i love you too,hitomi." gretchen finally says.

this is all i wanted to hear. i have to fight back to hold in the tears. its the hardest thing ive ever done since lying about not having anything to do with the murder of natalya's killer. even if i really didnt have much to do with it. i mean,its not like i killed him,i just told someone else i would like him dead. that isnt so bad,right? it feels sooooo good to hear someone tell me that they love me. i dont even care about the sex part,this is what i crave.i just want someone to love me. someone to accept me,flaws and all. someone who wont give up on me and love me no matter what. this makes the whole gretchen and i thing seem so much more valid. i wrap my arms around gretchen and hold her close. this moment is perfect and i just want to hold her forever."i love you,gretchen." i repeat. its one of those things i just cannot say enough.

gretchen laughs and gives me a playful twist of both nipples.i give a slight yelp of pain. im not like our friends cassie and karoliena. my nips are NOT made of steel. in fact,i cant stand even a moderate bite on them. im a delicate fucking snowflake. for the most part,gretchen treats me as such. but she does like giving me the occasional nipple twist or hard bite. i welcome both sensations,of course. i like gentle,but do not care as long as its gretchen with me. "i would like to finally be given the chance to meet takara." gretchen says boldy. the tone she uses implies this is something she has wanted to ask for awhile. she was waiting for the right moment to ask,and this was her moment. i dont answer her right away. i make no illusions that i do not compartmentalize my life. takara.....takara is the final barrier of the wall i have i built around myself. to let gretchen in here is to accept her 100%. i really do not want bring people into my daughter's life to only have them vanish the next month. who can say what will happen years from now? what if gretchen and i are no longer together? i dont wantto have to explain that to takara. shes not a baby anymore,she WILL know.

it takes every bit of effort i have,every fiber of me wants to protect that one kernel of my life that nobody has access to.but i finally speak. "next time we are back in japan." i answer to gretchen. i dont know if she will ever realize the effort it takes of me to agree to this. i could give fuck all what happens to me. but to open up takara to possibly being hurt...that is a huge chance of my part. yes,getchen is a sweet person,a loving person...to me. is she ready to deal with the demands of a child?

i feel gretchen's hands slide under me,in the form of a hug around my waist. i dont know if she can feel my tension due to earlier question,or she just wants to hug me. but in any case,its greatly appreciated. "hitomi." she starts,looking me back in the eyes. "i wouldnt ask this if i wasnt ready,or if i thought you werent ready. we can do this." gretchen says brightly. i wish her optimism was contagious,but this is the one thing that i have that is all mine. for the most part,i keep takara away from most everything. she knows erich,nina,and mariko. but that is only because these are the three people i trust 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000%. is there really room for one more in the exclusive club?







* if they are different in pictures,it's because Gretchen is wearing contacts. She has green eyes here.
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Offline erich hess  
#18 Posted : 09 September 2016 02:58:59(UTC)
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Ugh. It's so Fucking hot. I have the air conditioning off and all the Windows and doors open. Its house cleaning day and I'm airing the house out. I love cooking,but the smells tend to stick in the house. I am ready to stop smelling pork. I've got my wife beater on and the shortest shorts possible on. I actually REALLY like the shorts. They make my short little legs look soooo much longer.
I'm doing housework,but that's no reason not to look cute while doing so. I hum a little as I'll mop the dark teak floors.

Takara is out with Mariko. I believe they took the train to Tokyo. I know it sounds terrible to not know exactly where my daughter is,but I trust Mariko with her and Mariko enjoys mothering. In small doses. It certainly makes cleaning easier without taki running around. She thinks she is helping by throwing whatever she can pick up out the window. I've had to replace three phones because of this. I don't know if I can fault her logic though.I mean,the room IS cleaner when she is done.

I'm pretty zoned out while sloshing the mop around. I just know I'm going to end up either : missing spots,or slipping and busting my ass. Its inevitable. I think these are sacrifices the God of housework demands. I nearly slip when I hear a wolf whistle come from my front yard. I frown and give whomever It is the finger. I grin widely when I see its Gretchen. Things have really been going great since she came into my life. Yeah. There has been some misunderstandings,but we've hammered it out.

"Woo!looking good ,hitomi."Gretchen yells loudly toward me before running up the path. The sound of her voice echoes off the walls surrounding my yard. My yard...I actuAlly hire people to take care off. I hate fussing with dirt and grass. But I love the way it looks. I have a nice winding cobblestone path,a koi pond,even three large trees. It's a nice little sanctuary in the middle of the concrete of osaka.

"You need me to wax your floors?" I ask playfully and flash my bra at Gretchen. Like the rest of my outfit,it's less than sexy. Its just a normal red one.before I can put the shirt back,Gretchen has me in a tight hug. I love hugs from Gretchen. They are so genuine and inviting. Then again,most hugs are.I love hugs.you know what....j can only think of one hug I didn't like. Suzie gave lousy hugs. At least to me. The one kiss I got from her? That was great. But I think you have to be cute for hugs to be really good. Suzie is hot. Not cute.


"You know my house is waxed." Gretchen replies. She lets me go and arranges my shirt back where it belongs. " you should really show off skin some more,hitomi. Just look at those legs." Gretchen whistles again and runs her hand down my leg.

I giggle and set the mop down. Honestly,I was looking for reason to stop cleaning,talking with Gretchen seems as good a reason as any. " yeah,let me get right on that. Diasy dukes or just a really tiny skirt?" I ask,looking over my handiwork with the mop. Meh,it was good enough. Nothing is ever clean once you have a kid,and takara loves to make a mess. I never have been one for wearing skimpy clothes. Its not my thing and I feel like I'm trying too hard when I wear anything other than jeans or a long dress.

Gretchen looks me over and nods. "Daisy dukes. Like really small ones that leave your ass hanging out." she laughs with the absurdity of the idea. There would be a better chance of an actual Godzilla attack than me wearing short shorts outside these walls. "Then again,am I really wanting to have this secret tush getting out?" she giggles and pulls me close,instantly sliding her hands down my shorts and squeezing my butt.

I may have it bad for Gretchen. I nearly melt when I feel her hands on me. I gave up on waiting for the other shoe to fall with her. Karma is bullshit,I'm never going to get what I deserve. So there is no use in fighting the universe on this.or maybe I'm not as bad as I think. Lets go with that last one. Besides,Gretchen is fantastic with takara. Takara...tolerates Gretchen,But doesn't like sharing me with her. I think this will be solved with the three of us spending more time together. "Like its a big secret I have the best butt in music." I say proudly.

"Better than having music in your butt." she retorts. A fart joke...Gretchen just made a fart joke. I crack up at it and kiss her softly on the cheeks. I just adore this woman.Its impossible not to. I step closer to Gretchen .this wouldn't be the first time we've had some fun in the yard. Like I've said before,we're sort of exhibitionists.

"Bloody hell! You two are always at it." the voice of Nina sounds from the front porch. Ugh,I love Nina and all,but couldn't she have waited like half an hour to come out? I sigh heavily and drop my head onto Gretchen's shoulder..well,more like her upper arm. She is considerably taller than me.

"Either join or go inside for a bit.we're busy!" Gretchen giggles over my head to Nina. She then squeezes my butt again. I close my eyes for a few moments to enjoy the feeling. Gretchen's hands are almost always warm. Which is nice for moments like this. Nothing is worse than cold hands down your pants. Front or back. Especially front. Thinking of this makes Gretchen's shriek all the more appropriate.I open my eyes and make eye contact with Nina. Nina who is now inches from my face. She is standing behind Gretchen and has handfuls of Gretchen's....ample parts."Nina! What are you doing?! " she shouts partly in Japanese,German,and English.

Nina kisses Gretchen on the back of the head before releasing her."oh...you weren't serious about that!? " Nina roars with laughter. Gretchen playfully shoves Nina and the two play fight for a couple of seconds. Nina eventually gets Gretchen in headlock.

"Tag me! Tag me!" I shout while Jumping up and down.Nina pulls Gretchen further away and sticks her tongue out at me. I do the same back and add,"no thanks.I use toilet paper" in my best schoolyard teasing voice.

Gretchen keeps groaning and trying to break free. Nina laughs and loosens her grip,much to Gretchen's relief. " get in ,losers. We're going out drinking." Nina says in her best Regina from mean girls voice. Gretchen and I crack up laughing. Like,doubled over and gasping for air laughing. Nina's American accent is spot on. So Its shocking to hear her use it.

"Can't. We're waiting on Mariko to bring takara home." I say anxiously. Fun is fun,but I do miss my taki Chan. " we have to pick them up at the train station." I add.

"Please. Like Mariko is ever on time. Call her bitch ass up and see how long they will be." Nina says,still in her American accent. "Cause I'm going out and taking Gretchen with me. If you come or not is up to you." Nina says while swinging her car keys.

Gretchen shrugs. "I can use a night out,If you're paying " she giggles. We all knew that takara would want me all to herself when she got back. I really need to start taking her to see Karoliena and cassie's kids. She needs to learn sharing. I don't want a little veruca salt on my hands.

"Maybe just one or two.let me text her and see how long they'll be." I say,not wanting to be left out. Yeah,I love that Nina and Gretchen like each other enough to hang out without me,but a few hours out sounds good. I adulted and cleaned my house. I deserve some time off. I text Mariko : where are you?
Seconds later I get the response...: Romania. We wanted to see Dracula's castle.be back in a few days.
That's MAriko for you. Started with a day trip to Tokyo,ended up in Romania. Mariko takes her role as cool aunt seriously. It'd be cruel to get mad with her. Who wouldn't want an aunt like that?
" ok. Let me get a bath and changed." I say,sending a picture of me kissing the phone to Mariko.


Is that your asshole? Why are you sending me that?!

Its my lips,and it's a kiss for taki!!!









Continued later.
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Offline erich hess  
#19 Posted : 24 October 2016 07:23:11(UTC)
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"thank fuck!" I exclaim and fall heavily on the floor. The bare wood feels cool against my back. So I whip off my shirt and throw it in the corner of the room. Now the cool floor can really work it's magic on my sweaty back. I've been helping Gretchen move house all day long. She now lives about a 10 minute walk from my house. She actually lives next door to mariko now. I don't know what karoliena pays Gretchen,but it must be substantial. The entire summers time black and blues custom line is hand crafted by Gretchen. (The waiting list is months long!)The website seems to imply if you have to ask about cost,you can't afford it. craftsmanship and confidentiality have their prices,i guess. Even I haven't seen the client list, AND I'M DATING THEIR MANUFACTURER!!

Gretchen will now live nearby,but still a comfortable distance. We are in NO rush fo live together. I think I learned my lesson the last two times.nope. no more whirlwind romances for hitomi. Gretchen's new house is a newly built one. It looks very traditional Japanese....if somewhat streamlined. It must have been built by the same people who did mariko's. Three levels,very narrow,and lots of exposed wood kn the interior. Gretchen and I are in the top floor bedroom at the moment.the walls are a sort of beige with bamboo flooring. We have the windows open because the power isn't turned on yet. It's not exactly hot out,but without the windows open,it gets stuffy.


Gretchen follows suit and also lays on the floor. Though she takes up a position above my head. "Thank you so much for helping me move,hitomi. You're a lifesaver." Gretchen says. From the echo,it sounds like she must be face down on the floor. I look as far up as I can without Moving my head,but i can't see her.

"You're welcome...though you know,they have these guys that you pay money...and they will move all your shit!" I laugh to her. It's absurd that here I am: biggest music star in Japan, multimillionaire, tiny woman...and im spending my day moving big ass boxes and furniture.

I hear Gretchen snort like my suggestion is absurd. " I'll be damned if anyone is handling my stuff. They won't use love and gentle hands like we Do." She says with a hint of longing in her voice. Gretchen does love her stuff. 13 boxes. 13 boxes of just action figures! 2 boxes of stuffed toys, 4 boxes of shirts she never intends to wear. And God knows how many boxes of video game shit.

"I didn't handle the boxes with love...I faked it" i giggle up at her. The jiggling motion causes the skin of my back to rapidly stick and unstick to the floor. the sound is hilarious and we both start laughing.


" You whore! How could you??!" She says in mock horror. " My box of Thunderbirds figures thought you meant every step from the van to my front door. Lies!!!" She cracks up and playfully smacks the top of my head.

After a few minutes of just lying here,i know I don't want to get up. My muscles are getting stiff. So i guess I'll just lie here forever and Gretchen will just have to live around me. " May have been carrying Thunderbirds figures, but I was thinking about star trek figures" i say as catty as one can get when talking about the corny subject we are. it's times like this when I really realize how much I love Gretchen. We just click.

Before I know what's happening, Gretchen's face is staring into mine, upside down,but staring all the same. She makes this expression where her eyes look really wild and buggy,its the funniest thing. I giggle and wrap my arms around her neck. She kisses my forehead lightly before scowling, "wait..dont try To cute your way out of this!" " She tells me while wagging her finger.

I pout my lip out and look up at her. " But surely I can make it up to you, gretchie" i say in my Best I'm a bad girl voice. We need to christen this house after all. And there really is no time like the present.

"Oh I bet you can make it up to me.." Gretchen says, insinuating exactly what I'm hoping for. In seconds I feel her hands cup my breasts. Oh yes! Dirty floor sex...well not that the floor is dirty, it's actually rather clean. She gives my nipples a good pinch and then smiles down at me. " All this and more after food and a shower." She says with a smirk. She knows exactly what she does to me.

" Aw...can't it Wait?" I whine. I'm nearly always frisky,at least around Gretchen. Also, being told to wait does nothing for my ego. Am I not attractive enough to be more interesting than food? I must be losing my touch in my old age.

Gretchen hops to her feet. She must be in far better shape than I. I still feel like I'm dead from All the exercise. Glancing up at Gretchen,its obvious she is in far better shape than I....and it's obvious she's wearing pink striped undies. I can totally see up the leg of her shorts, since she is standing over me now. "Nope" she says brightly,shaking her head. This causes her ever present pig tails to smack her in the face. " There is no way I'm doing any fucking unless I'm clean as a whistle." She pulls her shirt over her Head and tosses it on me. it is a bit sweaty,but still smells like her perfume. " And I'm soooo hungry." Gretchen whines. Her whine voice is nearly as good as mine. We can be some whiney people. she is Gretchen geist allin, and I'm hitomi Kobayashi. Together we are wyny pyeople ...that's a reference nobody will get. Wait? How would anyone hear this reference...unless they are reading my mind.

" Enjoy that cold shower." I tell Gretchen,slowly pulling myself to my feet. The cracks and pops from my body try to kill the mood and tell how horribly out of shape I am. Maybe I should take up stripping. Sliding down a pole has to be good for ones back.

Im on my hands and knees when i feel Gretchen sit on my back. She puts her Bra around my face and starts giggling," giddy up!" When i just laugh, she smacks my ass. Hard. " Giddy up,pony." This only makes me laugh harder. But I bounce up and down as much as I can. Lord,wbat Gretchen's neighbors will think of us...also,im starting to think karoliena is a bad influence on gretchie. " Whos a good pony? Yes you are." She starts saying in baby talk. "Oh yeah....no power means no hot water.
I guess you're coming too. We'll keep each other warm. Body heat and all that."

" Or we could go to my house.or even mariko's house. "I offer up. Im all for shower Time with Gretchen. But I hate cold water. Teeth chattering isn't sexy. It makes me think of those aliens. You know,the hr Geiger ones? Those teeth look all chattery to me.

"Nope. I'm already naked and placing the pizza order now." Gretchen says dismissively. I laugh hard at the mental picture of naked Gretchen riding me like a horse and ordering a pizza. It's absurd and probably only something that would happen to me. we make our way to the bathroom that is right outside the bedroom door. its a stark white room and since it hasnt been properly decorated yet,so nothing breaks up the monotony of white. it looks like it should smell heavily of bleach,but nope. it smells of lemon. i dont mind lemon too much. this cold ass shower should be really fun. theres no shower curtain and no towels. "ok. off with the clothes." gretchen chirps,turning the water on.

i'm shivering like a chihuahua. it isnt even that cold inside the house. its just sheer anticipation of the shower. " seriously,mariko is like right next door. we could stay there tonight and not have to bathe in ice water." i tell gretchen firmly.

"but i want to stay in my house. its the first night i own it and i dont want to miss that." gretchen whines at me. her whine is strong,like i've said before. before i know what's happening,gretchen pantses me (undies and all.) and shoves me in the shower. she probably was planning this. at least judging from her maniacal laughter.

"its fucking freezing!" i screech,trying to back away from the icy water hitting me. gretchen,just walks right in as if everything is fine. i cling to her in hopes of using her body to block the water. it wasnt even love at this point,it was self preservation.

gretchen gently hums as she washes herself. clearly,paying no attention to my ploy to avoid the water. "cold showers are good for you. it tightens up the pores. im not saying you need that,hitomi....but " she trails off before laughing. she then grabs me and turns me so the water is hitting me.

"you are soooo getting it after this! i am going to open the package of every action figure you have!" i scream at her. in its way,this is fun though. it reminds me a little bit of the time with cassie and karoliena. maybe i do kind of like that sort of thing? just playing around like we are, gretchen could easily overpower me. in the midst of our playing,we are doing some actual showering. its too cold to pretend other wise. suddenly,the soap drops and we both look down at it ominously. "you dropped the soap." i smirk at her.

grethen laughs and shakes her head. " no i didnt. that is all you. pick up the soap. i still need to wash my belly." who the hell doesnt wash their belly like first thing? i think this woman is pulling my leg.

"use the soap from my belly,gretchie." i suggest,pressing myself against her belly. needless to say,we both seem to find this water extremely cold. if not for the fun,id be very concerned nipples can get too hard and fall off. boy,that would be an awful thing to happen. hitomi,the girl with no nips. fuck that,i'd draw some one if i had to.

"yeah...this is fun and all. but i dont like used soap. quit being a pussy and grab the soap." gretchen smirks at me. she still doesnt let me go. so the warmth of being held next to her feels pretty good. even if she is trying to get me to pick up the soap. i've seen enough movies to know how this ends.

being clever,i stoop down in front of gretchen and retrieve the soap. im not saying i didnt take advantage of the posistion i was in. but im not about to give those kind of details. besides,it was only for a few seconds. "here you go."i tell gretchen cheerfully and plop the soap into her hand.

she looks at the soap and looks at me,then back to the soap again. "thanks." she says with a shake of her head and turns off the shower. we have no towels,so use our old clothes to dry ourselves off with. we probably have some clothes in a box,we'll just have to search for them. we make our way to the living room and try to find the box with the clothes in it. of course,we cant. because SOMEBODY has so much god damned stuff. 5 boxes we open. 5 boxes of nothing we can wear. and of course,this is when the door is knocked. we both panic because we cannot answer the door naked.

"shit!" gretchen whispers and peaks out the window. it is the pizza guy. we cannot answer the door like this. it's just too porno cliche.

"shit!" i repeat. " just open the door slightly and throw the money at him." i suggest.

"no!"i dont want to get the reputation for being the weird shut in." gretchen protests. her eyes roam the room and then light up. "here! ill hold this in front of you,then you hand him the money." she says,as if she just discovered time travel or something. she holds up a fairly large hello kitty plush. its a cute one that ive never seen before. its just a normal one,but its rather long haired. weird.

"my ass! you do it! i am not being covered up just a tiny stuffed toy." i whisper in protest. the knocks on the door are getting more impatient and angry. i guess maybe he can hear our discussion. or at least knows someone is right behind the door.

gretchen looks down and holds the toy to her chest. she spills out from around the edge of it. "yeah,thats going to fucking work. i dont want the pizza for free because he got a look at my tits. just do it hitomi.please!" gretchen gives a little hop when she says please. i hate when she knows how irresistable she is. but she brings a good point,the toy covers up a lot more of me than it does her.

"fine. but this had better be the best pizza ever." i spat out. i arrange myself by the door,so only the bare minimum will be exposed. gretchen aligns the hello kitty over my chest and we both nod. this is going to work.

gretchen looks down and sadly says,"i doubt it. its pizza hut and they didnt have stuffed crust." fuck. it just keeps getting worse.i open the door and greet the man with the pizza. he looks like a smaller and balder version of bette midler. yeah,hes weird as hell looking. i hand him the money and try to wrangle myself and the pizza back in the door. "thank you!!!" i call out after him.

before i can get all the way back inside,gretchen yells, "here's miss soapy finger!!!" and well...you can guess what she does. i scream bloody murder and drop the pizza on the floor. it makes a satisfying smack as it flops on the floor.

"you're going to get miss pizza greasy finger after dinner." i threaten gretchen and pick the pizza box up off the floor.

"ew." gretchen replies with a sour face. she finally finds the right box for clothes and hands me a pair of pajama bottoms and a t shirt.


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Offline erich hess  
#20 Posted : 23 November 2016 06:41:41(UTC)
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As soon as I saw the news on tv,it all came back to me. People i know and love are going to die. They will be taken and I will never see them again. Or worse,i will. The worst part of nightmares is how real they seem. Details which the conscious mind ignores are now pushed to ten and it's near hyper reality. I can't do it. I cannot handle even more corpses haunting my dreams. Takara, mariko,nina,and Gretchen....it will all be my fault all over again. Washed away only to appear nightly as the...things my parents became. Sun baked,purple...I'll be able to hear them decaying.


No. I'm saving Takara.
I run from the living area to the room she plays in. It's short jog from where I was at. The room is suitably messy. But not like a hoarder's house or something. It's just a pile of plush and other toys. But no Takara. I can feel my self yelling for her and throwing things to see if she is hiding under them. Absurd things,like a tiny pillow. The pillow is no bigger than my fist,but I have to check if she is under it. I yell for Nina,but there is no answer. I break the door to her room in with my shoulder. The pain shoots through the left side of my body. But there is no time to open doors ,the sea is coming. It's going to break down the walls and take us all away. God dammit. Nina isn't in her room. Shes not under the fucking bed. I run to the other rooms. The panic now is a physical pain in my chest. I can hear myself panting as I remove everything from any cabinet or bookshelf. Nina and Takara have to be here somewhere. The only place left to look is outside. I don't want to look outside. I don't want to see that desolate landscape of nothing where building used to be. Where people used to be. Where is everyone? My house should have two other people in it. This isn't fair! I am home! People can't be taken if i here. This only happens when I'm not around...I don't understand what is going on. The only thing to do is to lie down and accept my fate. The room is a disaster,so i clear out an area big enough to curl up in.


"Oh my god! What the fuck happened?!" Gretchen's voice wakes me up. She's kneeling over me and gently shaking me. " Did they hurt you?" She asks in a panic. I slowly open my eyes and go to throw my arms around her,but my left arm doesn't really want to move.

"The tsunami took them all." I mutter in a defeated voice. " Why..why does this keep happening?" I plead,as if Gretchen will have the answer. I have no idea how im going to carry on now. The loss feels so empty inside. My entire body hurts.It feels like I just performed a year's worth of shows. Im getting older,so there is a certain amount of pain that comes after doing a show now.

"Tsunami?" Gretchen asks,sounding puzzled. " I thought someone robbed you! Why is your house ransacked?!"

I draw myself up to a sitting position and aimlessly kick a few magazines with my bare feet." I can't find Takara or Nina. I have no idea what happened to them." I hear myself say this rather than consciously say it. If anything,it feels like I'm floating away from my body. Am I dying too?

The snapping of Gretchen's fingers stops the floating sensation. " Did you hear me, hitomi? There was no tsunami. Nina is in Korea. And Takara and Nina are in Poland. You know this." Gretchen tells me softly.

I hear the words,but they don't really register. " But are they ok? They haven't drowned,have they? " I can feel the floaty feeling again.

" Look look look. See? Nina sent me to check on you" Gretchen says cooly. She hands me her phone with the text from Nina....Gretchen uses comic sans font for texts? " It's from an hour ago. Everyone is fine." She assures me. I feel her lips touch my forehead. It may have been a kiss. It may have been checking to see if I have a fever. But i do read the text. It says for Gretchen to check on me right away. Gretchen gingerly takes the phone from me and hands it back a few seconds later. There is a picture of mariko and Takara. They are grinning widely at some food place. Mariko should be big as a house with as much as she eats. They are happy,they are safe. The time stamp is from just a second ago. Everyone is safe.

I can feel the weight being lifted off of my being. my surroundings become much more in focus....holy shit my house is a disaster. There is stuff everywhere. Windows are broken. Walls and doors have holes in them. I hold up my hands to look at them and they are covered in blood and splinters. I then look to see Gretchen. Her eyes are wide and wet. The grey black streaks of mascara stand out against her very white skin. Relief turns to shame. I don't want anyone to see me like this. I can feel the warmth spreading from my ears and onto my face. I'm going to cry. I inhale with the last bit of self control I have. " Please leave." I order. I almost let my voice crack at the end. But i maintain.

Gretchen looks at me and then at the house. " Um...no." she states with an almost laugh. anyone with any sense in their heads would answer the same. " There is no way in hell I'm leaving you like this you're covered in blood. You barely even know where you are. ' she says,while moving the hair from my forehead.

Her refusal causes shame to morph into anger. How dare she not do as I ask?! " I wasn't asking." i sneer to her. I get up ,still not knowing what to do. I either try to remove Gretchen physically or run. Neither are good options. There is no way I'm going to hit Gretchen. There is also no way I can run. My body is about to give out just by standing. My vision is already blurry. It's starting. Gretchen is going to see me cry.so option C... Bluff. I throw up my fists as believably as I can.

Nearly as soon as I put the fists up, Gretchen slaps a pair of our handcuffs on me. Like a lot of things from summertime black and blues,they are pink and black leather. " Really, hitomi?" She asks, holding the center chain of the cuffs.

" I'm not fucking kidding,leave!" I yell at her. Im assuming I yell at her. By this time I really can't see through the tears. For all I know she attached the cuffs to a nail on the wall. I try to pull away. This causes excruciating pain to my shoulder. My crying becomes even harder and I'm openly sobbing. She must still be holding the chain as I end up being eased back to the floor.


Gretchen kneels on the floor as well. she is facing me as i eventually am only propped up by her shoulder. " You don't want me to see you cry? If you can't cry around me...who can you cry around? Just let it out, hitomi" she says encouragingly. Her arms wrap lightly around me. Given the blood that is all over me,it probably is hard to determine where I'm actually hurt.

Let it out I did. I went over the entire laundry list of people I've lost and how. The common denominator in all of them was: I wasn't there. if i had been,i could have saved them. All of them. My brother.my parents,natalya. My life seems to be nothing but loss. Through the entire diatribe, Gretchen never spoke. She only listened and squeezes me gently when it seemed I couldn't go on.

After hearing me make sounds that maybe were words and maybe made sense to anyone but me, Gretchen finally spoke. " Would you think less of me if I needed you? If i cried in front of you?" She asked simply. I look at her and make a slight scowl.

" Of course not," i reply tiredly. If and when I call asleep,im going to sleep like a baby. "I would want you to come to me." I would feel personally offended and i also realize instantly what Gretchen is saying. I cross my arms in a pout. " It's not the same." I say under my breath. Swallowing pride is something I was never good at it. The taste is awful and never goes away.

" It is the same."Gretchen says softly. There is hurt in her voice.which is something i haven't really heard before. " You have to let me in. This isn't going to work if you compartmentalize where i am allowed to be in your life. Im never going to judge you." She says to me warmly. I really can't say much to her in reply,i just give a little nod. " Good." Gretchen nods back. " I'm also finding you someone to talk to. "

Before she finishes her thought,im up on my feet and pulling against the cuffs. " I am never going back to that place again!" I shout at her. She says she won't judge me,then proceeds to say im crazy?! I spent weeks inside a hospital. I'm never doing that again. Just mentioning it,i can feel the restraints on my wrists.....oh wait,thats the handcuffs i have on. In any other situation,tjis would be hilarious.

Gretchen holds my hands,no matter how many times I slip out of her grasp. I eventually give in and just let her hold my hands. " You don't have to stay. There are these magical beings called therapists. You just go and talk. That's it. Hitomi,some serious things have happened to you. You should have talked to someone years ago." She says carefully,but firmly. I hate the way it sounds ....to talk to someone. I'm not an invalid. I know what that means. go talk to someone,you fucking nut. Then they'll take Takara away. I'll be an unfit mother and I'll be damned if I'm doing that.


I shake my head and plant my feet. Im not budging on this. " The fuck I will. They take crazy people's kids away. I'm takara's mother. Me!" I tell her possessively. I will not have her being adopted to strangers or something. I don't know of Oliver twist is close to reality or not. But I don't want Takara finding out.


Gretchen sighs and is silent for few seconds. She releases my hands and gestures around the room. " Is this what you want her to see?" She asks very quietly. With the hesitation and care she put into the statement,she was using this as the nuclear option. I'd either see her point or never want to see her again .

It was the first option. I looked around at the destruction i had left. There is a chance I'd have been fine if Takara was here....but what if she was just outside or something. Hell,what if mariko and Takara came home right now? " Oh...." Is all I can come up with. Gretchen is right. THIS is the kind of shit kids are taken away because of. " I will find someone. I can't let this happen. Again.." i say solemnly. Now I really feel the aches and pains I Inflicted on myself.

"Let's get you cleaned up." Gretchen says,helping me to my feet.we make our way over the piles of stuff that is out of place and finally into the bath.
My bath is a large stone structure that could easily fit 4 people.its mainly used for soaking anyway. Gretchen opens the valve and hundreds of gallons of hot water fill it up. Wordlessly,gfefchen removes my clothes and chucks them on the floor.its not like my house can get any messier.
Stepping into the hot water makes all the pain worse for a split second,but then turns to soothing pleasure. The water turns a slight brownish red from the blood caked on me. I close my eyes and lay my head against the hard stone lip of the tub. I hear the splash Of Gretchen entering the tub. Clothes and all.

" Hey,this is like the first night we spent together." She says in a chipper voice. She uses a cup to pour water over my head. She even uses the edge of her other hand to keep the water from going into my eyes.
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