Catching a
Twenty-Nine Stitches show is sort of like catching an
STD: it’s fun while it’s happening, but you tend to feel out-of-sorts and wrung-out afterwards, red and chafed and smelling funny. It might be the
ribald, raucous atmosphere; it might be the
booze and pills; it might be all that
nubile lady-flesh and
sweaty, pasty man-flesh and polyester on display. Whatever the reason… you just feel drained when all’s said and done. You might even itch a little.
A
2-9s show has it all:
*** Tasteless jokes ***
So this young kid goes up to his dad and asks, “Dad… what’s the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?”
So the old man thinks for a bit, then says, “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Finally, go ask your brother if he'd sleep with him. C’mon back and tell me what you learn from that.'”
The boy goes to his mom and asks, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”
Mom says, “Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'”
So the kid asks his sister next. She says, “Hell yes! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?”
The kid goes up to his older brother and asks, “Would you let Brad Pitt screw you for a million bucks?”
“Of course,” the brother replies. “You know what a million bucks would buy?”
The kid thinks about the answers for a few days, then goes back to talk to his old man.
His father asks him, “So… did you figure out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?”
The kid answers, “Yep… ‘potentially', you and I are sitting on three million bucks...
but 'realistically', we're living with two prostitutes and a homo.
* ba dum bum **** A great stage show ***
It’s been a long time since a traveling musical act had such a
huge entourage: at any given time, The Twenty-Nine Stitches has a dance troupe that consists of at least seven members, not including Di and Eva; stage pieces that range from a
ginormous champagne glass to a bubble machine to a small two-towered trapeze set-up; three trained chimps; two foul-mouthed parrots; one retired porn starlet (
Ms. Onna Nees);
seedy clowns, sneaky midgets, and an odd assortment of farm animals. You can see this show one night and it will only
vaguely resemble the show that came the night before.
*** And heaps of unbridled sexuality that doesn’t pander to gender roles ***
With a stage show consisting of more sweaty bodies, colorful sets, and loud, in-your-face music than your average concert, it’s no wonder
The 2-9 are making a point of presenting themselves as an
entertainment event more than anything else. Even if you can’t stomach the strange, riff-rock ska --- Stew calls it
'ska-R' --- improvised jazz and reggae meld this band plays, their show is worth catching just for the visual stimuli.
So… what do you do when you’re a relatively unknown band with a
miniscule budget that can’t hope to touch your drive and desire to succeed? Take a tip from The Twenty-Nine Stitches: they’ve set aside an entire summer to play nothing but open-air venues --- ball parks, town squares, even pastures --- encouraging people to dress up, bring in their vintage hot-rods and BBQ grills, and make a day of it.
The money isn’t big; but the band hopes the word-of-mouth generated and the good feelings fostered will make for a
huge payoff down the road.
Only time will tell. Meanwhile, get your hot dogs and dad's '56 Pontiac down to the nearest
Twenty-Nine Stitches show and live a little!
ooc: don't take offense to the 'homo' reference --- nothing meant by it. that's the problem with coming in to a new forum... see, this was okay back where i used to play, but i don't know if it's gonna wash here. i'm outta line, let me know...