erich hess
karoliena verlinden
erich:hello and welcome to " the captain's table".the public access show where i tackle the issues and really get to know my guests.today we have the very talented,very supple,karoliena verlinden! *pauses for non existent studio audience applause* ok,ok,quiet down everyone!
karoliena:hi erich.hi everyone!
erich:misses verlinden,are you trying to seduce me?
karoliena:always......why are you in the tub?
erich:the real question is :why arent
you in the tub?
karoliena:ew,no way.i bet you pee'd in there.
erich:so? everyone pees in the tub. in case you out there in tv land missed it,everyone in the studio audience receives a copy of "Baby you can drive my hearse".*erich holds up karoliena's album*
karoliena:sweet gesture,but it's just you and me here.
erich:shhh,dont tell anyone! i lost the studio audience and i'll be damned if i'm going to let that stop us. *shuffles papers in the tub* so,karoliena,how's the solo project treating you?
karoliena:oh it's been just wonderful.i've been doing several shows a week and the turnout has been encouraging.
erich:really? no offense,but what sorta club books music that people's grandparent's listen to?
karoliena:well,that's been a bit of a sticking point.mostly i've had to host shows aboard the duke of winchester.it works out great though,the A deck has a great ballroom.once it's packed with people in various states of drunkeness,nobody seems to notice the roaches and silver fish.
erich:we're getting that worked on,i swear. *flicks a stray silver fish off the tub*
karoliena:you going to offer me some of that absinthe,or just bogart it?
erich:please,be my guest.
karoliena:*pours a glass for herself*
erich:so tell us a little bit about the album.what sort of inspiration inspired you?
karoliena:"what sort of inspiration inspired me"? jesus christ,that has to be stupidest question i've ever heard.
erich:go on.
karoliena:well,before i was caught up in the whirlwind world of psychobilly,i actually was into real music.this is sorta my own take on all that great music of the early 20th century.i used to work in a sex shop,and we used to play alot of billie holiday on the stereo. nothing puzzles perverts like jazz while browsing porn.
erich:personally,i'd like that.it'd make me feel classy while i was getting my fix of cheap trucker grade porn.
karoliena:trucker grade?! i wouldnt even give that shit to my dog.i take it you're big fan of "denny's waitresses gone wild"?
erich:i got all the tapes.plus the calendars.
karoliena:but you dont have the action figures? some fan you are.
erich:psychobilly pays shit.you know that.
karoliena:do i ever.
erich:so now that you've found fame with a solo project,will you leave your roots behind?
karoliena:you mean the war bride?
erich:yes.
karoliena:i'd like to.i really would.i mean,part of me did a solo project just to show the world that i'm not a gimmick.
erich:a gimmick?
karoliena:you know,the whole "look at me remove my clothes and not a miss a beat on the bass".dont get me wrong,it's fun and all.but i think it really doesnt help people take us seriously.
erich:true,but it's fun to watch.
karoliena:yeah,but i'm thinking of retiring it.it's become too expected,too cliche.
erich:i've hear a rumor that the next war bride album is in the works,and you play a bigger part in it.
karoliena:yup.erich and myself write the songs,but on "clockwork elvis" i was mainly back up vocals.next album,it's going to be split more 50/50.
erich:ah,so the new album is being worked on! any hints you can give as to a title?
karoliena:right now it's slated to be called "the rites of the atom".it's an all around better album than "elvis" was.
erich:how is it to work with erich hess? is he really that drunk all the time?
karoliena:actually,yeah he is.i think he want's to be this generation's shane macgowan,or his equivalent.
erich:well miss verlinden,that's all the time we have for now.
karoliena:really?! i had a heck of lot more to say!
erich:make it quick.the camera is about to die.
karoliena:ok.i'm doing a show with the harlots in *camera goes dead*
