LoungeKing Larry

So, i saw this poster hastily taped to the dingy glass facade of the old adult bookstore & theater in my hometown. Being unemployed (except for the pay-by-click revenue i pick up doing shit like this) and buzzed up on mom's migraine pills at the time, i decided to smuggle in a thermos of martini's and park myself down front to watch this shit transpire.

This band [the twenty-nine stitches] is good. Wouldn't say real good, but what they lack in talent they make up for in bluster and dazzle. The show is tight: these people play out their stage persona's full tilt, a kind of flashy tackiness with a trailer-trash edge. The stage was all lights and billowy satin, chorus-girl leg kicking and the band's name in fifteen-foot high neon. My first impression when i saw 'daryl stew' up on stage with his molester 'stache and polyester suit was "What the f*ck is this?"



Stew's voice is seductive in a Barry White/Leonard Cohen kind of way, deep and generally good-humored, smooth as still milk. He really gets into it with lounge-esque aplomb! Kudo's to him for the faithful cover of 'That's Amore' --- i couldn't get enough. And speaking of 'can't get enough'...


lyrics referenced above are from The 2-9's When A Fuck Becomes A Fight! Art courtesy the flashdrive passed out at shows.

Eva Mohr and Diana are amazing! They play their instruments with such languid lustiness i'm pretty sure every guy in the place was rock hard... maybe even some of the ladies. They both wore long sequined evening gowns --- or at least they started out that way. As the show progressed, the ladies seemed to lose more and more of their clothing. Eventually both Eva and Diana stood before us in little more than gartered stockings and brassiers. Wow!

The original music is a little raw and could use some work. Tracks like 'When A Fuck Becomes A Fight!, 'The Far End of Fucked' and 'Sex & Sacrifyce @ Balsam Billy's Backstrap Inn' (actual song titles) are basically sound, but could be polished up a bit. While it is entertaining to see the disturbing lyrics in these songs being sung by a guy that looks like the quintessential lounge singer, i have to admit i lost count of the number of missed chords, skewed progressions and general fuck-ups this band displayed. That said, i'm willing to give the 'Stitches a chance to redeem themselves.

There was a midget on a Shetland pony hawking 3$ flashdrives with some poorly mastered audio tracks on it... not an album per se, rather a collection of tracks recorded over a period of time --- different venues, different shows, even a few tracks that seemed to be done in a studio, or at least a fairly quiet motel room, ala 1970s porn. Also a bit of art:





Does it qualify as an album? i don't think so. Let's just call it a collection and wait for them to really put something out.

Which begs the question: where is this band going? Hard to tell just now. Apparently The Twenty-Nine Stitches have eked out a tiny niche for themselves, but it remains to be seen if they have what it takes to make the leap to bigger and better. For now they seem content playing live, and i for one am content to watch them do it! Keep it loungy, lizards!