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Offline erich hess  
#1 Posted : 02 December 2010 14:18:15(UTC)
erich hess
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track listing:
1.lion in a sitz bath
2.327 in your panties
3.gabe kaplan freedom brigade
4.microwavable panzerfaust.
5.dont piss on the wainscoting,please.
6.the subtle nuances of a michael bay film.
7.pinned down pinup
8.don't stick your arm in a barrel of rabid monkeys.
9.a world where farts never dissipate.
10.priced to move!
11.it's the devil and it's fun.
12.not only is it terrible,it's bad too.
13.bob ross vs hitler: rhumble in the rhineland!


review from www.southfloridapsychos.com
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reviewer:molly madness.

rating:3 outta 5.

chances are if you've visited ft lauderdale's culture room,you've seen the war bride.they've opened for just about everyone who has passed through our little burg.the band is known for an insatiable appetite for live shows,but their studio work has been lackluster."clockwork elvis" was iffy punk rock with some bass slaps tossed in for good measure.the album was panned by critics,ignored by the industry and the band was about as popular as a chevy chase drama film.has "rites of the atom" changed things? you bet! perhaps bee knees over lord,bobby cairo threatened them with bodily harm or something.in any case,this band has grown like weeds since we last heard from them.but with song names like "327 in your panties",it's clear maturity is nowhere on the war bride's radar."rites of the atom" offers up fun by the spadeful in 13 bite sized portions.this go round the band must of put down the bong and picked up some music tomes."rites of the atom"is everything "clockwork elvis" wasnt.mainly in that it doesnt rely on karoliena's bass to provide the rockabilly sound.there are clear shades of scotty moore,dick dale,link wray,chuck berry,and carl perkins added to the mix.the drums are tighter than ever. drummers cadillac rob and his trained monkeys have never sounded so good.where you got a squirrel monkey sized drumkit is a mystery,but with the internet,anything is possible.i'd like to do a track by track review of this,but i'm a busy girl.so let's stick to the highlights.

the aforementioned 327 in your panties:
if you hear just one song comparing a female's dirty bits to a small block chevy engine,make it this one.the song is frenzied stew of sleaze,mechanical jargon, double entendres and .....er,more sleaze.the song has been a long time fan favorite,and it's about time it appeared in recorded form.

a world where farts never dissipate
my personal favorite song of the album.with 2012 right around the corner,apocalypse fever is starting to get rampant.erich and karoliena offer a different take on the world ending.2012 will not feature supernatural events or enviromental disaster.no,by 2012 the atmosphere will be so dirty that anal emissions will never dissappear.the methane builds and builds until one day someone lights a match.the whole world goes up in one big lit fart.

lion in a sitz bath
the only thing more dangerous than an escaped lion,is an escaped lion with hemorrhoids!i'd have loved to have been around when the band penned this tune.it's surprisingly well written and thought out,though everything points to the fact that it shouldnt be.i think that's why i like it so.


my final thoughts are there's a lot to like about this,and a lot to dislike.the band seems to have only one tempo,and one tone.instead of 13 songs,it just sounds like one long one.some parts may be better than others,but it all sounds the same.atomic war bride is a fantastic live act,i'd say one of the more interesting out there.let's hope next time they hire a real producer,who get's paid in actual money.not a six pack of beer.luckily,if you want a copy of "rites of the atom" ,it's available for free at all war bride shows and at bee'skneesindustries.com.if you order from the site,it's still free.the band picks up the shipping costs! available only in 12' vinyl format.
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"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.
Offline Bobby Cairo  
#2 Posted : 02 December 2010 15:47:56(UTC)
Bobby Cairo
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Bobby: "rites of the atom" is a highly entertaining and highly enlightening album. Who else but the War Bride could pick up on "the subtle nuances of a michael bay film."? And "don't stick your arm in a barrel of rabid monkeys." is just sound advice. The difference between Erich Hess and the other great thinkers of his time is that Erich doesn't get bogged down with pseudo-intellectual bullshit. Erich tells it like it is. What's the real consequence of global warming? It's not unseasonable warmth leading to massive flooding and other natural disasters. It's "a world where farts never dissipate." Brilliant! Absolutely fucking brilliant!

{Bobby gleefully claps his hands together, a beaming smile on his face.}

Bobby: My only quibble, and I say this as a friend and an employer...I'm concerned about your business model. We need to start aggressively marketing you guys to the psychobilly crowd worldwide, all twelve or thirteen people that listen to that stuff, and start making some serious do-re-mi. We can release your album in a whole array of "collector's editions", with the only difference being the color of the vinyl. I'm talking maroon, teal, magenta, sienna, the entire box of Crayolas! The vinyl collectors will eat that shit up with a silver spoon! They're not even paying for the music, they're paying for the pretty, pretty plastic spinning discs. Shit, the next time you guys are due to release an album we can skip the recording process entirely and just send out blank vinyls for $30, $40 a pop.
Offline erich hess  
#3 Posted : 06 December 2010 14:26:28(UTC)
erich hess
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erich:but selling records is sooooo capitalistic and establishmentariast.i like to think i'm above all that.

karoliena:you're going to "i'm above all that" us right into the poor house! if you think i'm going back to work in retail,you got another thing coming.

erich:but

karoliena:quit being a fucking hippy and get with the program.its either we charge for albums,or you go back to working a real job.and i can guarantee you that waking up at 3pm,and showing up blazed off your ass isnt going to fly anywhere else.

erich:oh yeah,i could deliver pizza.

karoliena:delivering pizza isnt going to pay for the winchester's fuel bill.and i aint living anywhere else.

erich:fine.next release will actually have to be ....bought by our fans.
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"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.
Offline Bobby Cairo  
#4 Posted : 07 December 2010 14:37:07(UTC)
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Bobby: Dun dun duuunn!

{Bobby cackles while toasting a glass of brandy to Karoliena.}

Bobby: Fine work, my dear! Fine, fine work...now we just need to reinvent the War Bride as an indie rock band to appeal to the hipster crowd. Those hipsters have money to burn you know!

{Bobby cackles some more while simultaneously gulping down the brandy, a skill that can only be acquired through many years of practice.}

Bobby: No, I'm just kidding. But seriously...I think that maybe, just maybe I should start producing you guys. Think about it: Erich Hess, Karoliena Verlinden and Bobby Cairo locked in a studio together. You guys have the creative vision and I have the steady hand to coax those delicious ideas from your brain and nurture them until they're ready to blossom into fully realized songs. To me that sounds like a marriage made in heaven, much like Bonnie and Clyde or Bobby and Suenaga!

Edited by user 08 December 2010 20:41:47(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

Offline erich hess  
#5 Posted : 08 December 2010 13:25:40(UTC)
erich hess
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
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Thanks: 22042 times
Was thanked: 18228 time(s) in 10593 post(s)
erich:i'll see your producing,and raise you a guest spot.release your inner elvis and come to the 'billy side.

karoliena:hell,we'll even come to your place.i've always wanted to see if everyone in Connecticut looks and acts like martha stewart.

erich:thats soo ethnocentric.thats like me saying i wanna go to belgium and see if everyone acts like.......you? you're the most famous belgian i know of.

karoliena:well....at least you didnt mention dr evil.not only is he not real,he's not the sort i want my nation associated with.
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"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.
Offline Bobby Cairo  
#6 Posted : 08 December 2010 20:43:24(UTC)
Bobby Cairo
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{Bobby does the Joker sarcastic hand clap from The Dark Knight only he's not being sarcastic. He's being sincere!}

Bobby: Very impressive, Ms. Verlinden! Most people assume that I'm from NYC because I live there now and that's where Bee's Knees is headquartered but you're absolutely right: I was born in Connecticut and spent the early years of my life there. I even graduated from UConn's School of Business!

{Bobby proudly points to the diploma that hangs on his office wall.}

Bobby: Go Huskies! As a matter of fact I still own a little studio in a town called Colchester. It's out in the boondocks. Hell excluding my studio, which hasn't been used in years, there's three businesses in the entire town: a gas station, a Dunkin Donuts and a motorcycle shop. Of course that's pretty much everything that a man needs, excluding sexual intercourse, but it might be a tad rustic for some folks.

{Bobby scratches an itch behind his ear while thinking.}

Bobby: Hey I'm down for it if you guys are! By the way as wonderful and glamorous as Karoliena is the most famous Belgian of all-time would have to be Ms. Audrey Hepburn. If we're talking about living persons then I'd have to give the nod to Jean-Claude Van Damme. However I think we can change all of that if the next War Bride album does what I think it's going to do!
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