adventure on the high seas.or "how i learned to stop worrying and love the bomb". - Roleplay

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adventure on the high seas.or "how i learned to stop worrying and love the bomb".

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erich hess		#1 Posted : 07 January 2011 14:21:58(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC) Posts: 42,966 Location: representing the 954 Thanks: 22042 times Was thanked: 18228 time(s) in 10593 post(s)		cast of characters: the duke of winchester a mid 50's cruise ship won by erich in a crooked game of go fish.has served as home to the war bride and harlots for years. erica hess karoliena verlinden erich hess nina sangria erich on dictaphone testing,testing....1...2.....3? star date,thursday 10:20pm. these are the voyages of the crusie ship,duke of winchester.our mission? record the finest album ever recorded on a cruise ship and in the bermuda triangle. nina:referencing star trek is soooo lame. erich:no it isnt! nina:nods her head it is,love.it's better you hear it from me,than out there. erich:if i may continue? i got to get this intro thing done....clicks dictaphone back on sorry,one of the crew was being insubordinate. nina:insubordinate,my ass! erich:continuing with his recording we expect an arduous journey,and some of us may not return.in fact,barely two hours into the voyage,and we're already down a member.long time drummer for the war bride,cadillac rob,has saw fit to part ways with us.it's with heavy heart we leave him behind.but his mind was made up,so who are we to dissuade him? i do think he could have done without calling me a "bargain basement p.t. barnum".also,one of his monkeys bit me...there.i guess i really shouldnt wear trousers with bananas on them.i dont know what we'll do without a drummer,but it's too late to turn back now. nina:no it isnt! we just left! erich:it's too late,i've already started recording an overly dramatic captain's log.so we trudge on towards our fate.clicks dictaphone off erich and nina leave the bridge to join erica and karoliena at the forecastle.karoliena and erica are sitting at a small table playing monopoly while a small turn table emits herb alpert and the tijauana brass' "south of the border". from the looks of the coloured papers surrounding karoliena,she is clearly winning. erich:who's winning? karoliena:me.erica's about 3 rolls from turning tricks to pay her rent. erica:* shaking the dice* c'mon baby needs a new pair of shoes! she rolls a 2 and lands on boardwalk god damn it! i fucking hate this game. karoliena: pay up,fork it over. erica:handing karoliena the last of her monopoly moneyi hope you choke on it. karoliena:this feels a little light....where's the rest? erica:i dont have it. karoliena:can you borrow it from someone? call a friend? i'd hate to kick you out on the streets. erica: chucks the game overboard,chance cards and hotels fly everywhere theres your rent,you fucking slumlord! get your snorkle and go diving.storms off nina:herb alpert always brings out the worst in her,love. erich:how can anyone hate herb alpert? that shit rocks. nina:i dont know,but only abba seems to piss her off more. karoliena:i agree on the abba thing,they make me want to renounce my saab. erich:my dad was in an abba tribute band,they were terrible. karoliena:i thought he was a cross dressing truck driver,who impersonated charles neslon reilly on the weekend? erich:he was a busy guy. nina:at least he didnt obsess over the beatles,like my father.if i had a penny for each time i heard sgt peppers......do you know how embarrassing it was to have to wear sgt pepper type clothes to school,love? it was bloody child abuse is what it was. karoliena:hey,werent you supposed to start community service today,erich? erich:i was,but fuck that.there are few things i hate in this world,as much as i hate the community.i'll be damned if i'm going to serve it. karoliena:i think you got off pretty good,most people dont get community service for resisting arrest and assaulting an officer. erich:oh for sure.but it's the principle of the thing.i aint doing shit for them.
		"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.


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40 Ownze		#2 Posted : 07 January 2011 19:24:22(UTC)
Rank: Newbie Groups: Registered Joined: 28/12/2010(UTC) Posts: 5 Location: Detroit, MI		Love it.


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erich hess		#3 Posted : 08 January 2011 14:40:42(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC) Posts: 42,966 Location: representing the 954 Thanks: 22042 times Was thanked: 18228 time(s) in 10593 post(s)		erich:into dictaphone captain's log,day 2 and a half. we've long since lost sight of land,the endless horizion is starting to wear on all of our nerves.with our only board game in the drink,we've resorted to exploring the ship to kill time.this has been a source of great fun.we've found everything from a couple of old datsuns,to surplus machine guns from ww2.i guess the duke was being used as a floating scrapyard before he came to be in our possession.you'd think with all this extra.....crap in the ship's hold,we'd find a new record for our entertainment.this has not been the case,so we remain in the firm grip of herb alpert and his mysterious tijuana brass.after i finish this log entry,we will attempt to produce our first song in the bermuda triangle.so far the famed occurrences of the triangle havent manifested.though last night,we did witness st elmo's fire.the weather occurance,not the brat pack film.we may be pushing the limits of the human experience,but i dont wish to subject the crew to rob lowe.we're barely staving off sea madness as is.clicks off dictaphone. erica,nina,karoliena and erich have their instruments set up in what was once the duke's exercise room.the battered fender amps fill the room with an echoing,electric hum.the four are sitting on the floor with dozens of sheets of partially written songs around them erich:think that was dramatic enough? nina: "staving off sea madness"? seriously,love? erich:that was a good line,huh? erica:with a loud sniff * now THAT was a good line.passes the mirror to karolienayou know,i don't think i'd mind being subjected to rob lowe.he was fucking hot back in the day. nina:ew.no way.it was all about that judd nelson.he was great in "the breakfast club". karoliena:i'm going to have to go with judd too.you could catch a raging case of yuppie from rob lowe....or emilio for that matter. erich:what?! emilio was in the mighty ducks! i'm not saying i'd want to fuck him or anything,but as a kids hockey coach? he made me want to get out on the ice and be a duck. erica:if we're talking kids sports coaches,i'd like to be on rick moranis' team from "little giants". nina:i dont know about you,love.but there was something intensely sexy about rick moranis back in the day.he was like a candadian buddy holly. karoliena:oh for sure.he was great in ghostbusters. erich:did you know that shit is a four star film? "ghostbusters" is a peer to "mr smith goes to washington"? you bet! i'm just going to come out and say it,bill murray isnt funny. erica:true,but i bet he could take dan akroyd in a fight.you can tell bill fights dirty. erich:danny carries a blade. clicks switchblade he'd shank bill six ways from sunday. nina:what is it with greasers and swtichblades? honestly,could you be anymore of a cliche? the leather jacket,the white t-shirt,the jeans? and a black handled flick knife? erich:i am not a sterotype! a erica,nina and karoliena all give him a look that says "really?" erich:.....fine,maybe a little bit. erica:picking up the micok, we've established erich is a stereotype.rob lowe,rick moranis,and dan akroyd are all sexy.we going to play or what? karoliena:nobody said dan akroyd was sexy.......* raises eyebrow* erica:fuck you,you know he looked hot as a conehead! ok,we got a bass player,a guitarist,a singer.....erich,you're on drums. erich:i cant play drums! erica:oh it cant be that hard.if chloe can do it,anyone can.just hit em alot. erich:why didnt you bring chloe and jen? nina:they suck,and we dont like them. erica:nina is pissed because chloe stole her sweater and stretched it out. nina:jen covered for her too! damn chloe,that big boobed bimbo! that was my favorite sweater,love.it was a bill cosby original. erica:flips on tape ok,this is the harlots, "punishment fits the crime".take one! the band starts playing furiously and about a minute and half in,the duke's engines shut off with a resounding "clunk"
		"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.


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chopper1156		#4 Posted : 08 January 2011 14:47:03(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 06/05/2010(UTC) Posts: 804 Location: Why do you wanna know?		This could be one of the greatest things in the entire freaking world -Everybody who thinks outside the box
		Old Successes The Rebels Iron Hammer Till Death Do Us Part Now-Act Of God-New Wave of American Heavy Metal/Nu-Metal Sounds like-Slipknot, Avenged Sevenfold, Stone Sour, Godsmack, Black Label Society, Black Sabbath, and Ozzy. Signed to-Monk on Fire Music Jason Wilson Connor McWilliams Geo Sebastian Alex Walkman Nominated for Best Band at the 21st IMAS/Birdies


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erich hess		#5 Posted : 12 January 2011 14:10:52(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC) Posts: 42,966 Location: representing the 954 Thanks: 22042 times Was thanked: 18228 time(s) in 10593 post(s)		ooc:no it wont.i always screw up rps that require any sort of planning. new cast member: chloe pastis erich:dictaphone recording. it's a good thing i spent such a large portion of my life getting stoned and watching gilligan's island.i dont know if shipwreck is imminent,but the duke is dead in the water.so at least i know i'm prepared.sadly if we do become stranded on a lovely island paradise,i have 4 gingers and no professors.yes,four other people now populate this ship with me.it seems we had a chloe below decks. karoliena found her while looking for the keys to the handcuffs...not why you think. erica thought it'd be cool to have a briefcase handcuffed to her like some sort of soviet spy. it was great,nina pretended to smack her around while swearing at her in russian.by the end of things,it looked alot like that monty python sketch "the worlds funniest joke" where the gestapo man keeps saying "thats no funny!". long story short,we misplaced the handcuff key,but found miss pastis.,so we now have a drummer for our musical endeavors. erica now has a spiffy new braclet. sighs we still never got the duke's engines to fire.we've radioed for help,but have only received static in response.it's times like this when i really wish we didnt use the flare guns to flash fry some fish sticks.it was fun at the time,but i really wish we had them now.the flares,not the fish sticks. clicks off dictaphone ooc:i'd write more,but it's beddy time.
		"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.


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erich hess		#6 Posted : 13 January 2011 14:26:11(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC) Posts: 42,966 Location: representing the 954 Thanks: 22042 times Was thanked: 18228 time(s) in 10593 post(s)		....continued it's a warm and moonless night.the duke is drifting along to whereever the current takes it.every one is taking a night cap in the ship's tiki lounge erica:chloe!? gives her a big hug what the hell are you doing here? quickly pulls away.and what's up with the bikini? chloe:sipping a cherry slush puppyi was always here.this just goes to show that nobody ever pays attention to me. erica:and the bikini? chloe:shrugs shoulders i dunno,it just seemed appropriate aboard a ship. nina:yeah,completely appropriate....if we were shooting a van halen video. chloe:starts humming "panama" and dancing nina:tosses a pitcher of ice water on chloe chloe:what the fuck?! what is wrong with you? nina:sorry,love.thought it was a wet t-shirt contest. chloe:but i'm not even wearing a t-shirt!!! nina:i'd say you're well on your way to winning then. erich:downs the last of his mojitowell,i love a good wet t-shirt as much as the next fellow,i gotta look at those engines.we still got a long way to go till we reach the heart of the triangle.the radio isnt working and i dont feel like being stranded out here. erica:and the food situation?!?! when will we have to resort to cannibalism? erich:not for months.we've got more than enough ramen noodles to last for near a year or so. erica:damn.i kinda wanted to eat human flesh.when will i ever get another chance? nina:you can eat me,love.any time you like. erica:oh stop it. erich:while this is getting really interesting now,i gotta go.check you later. karoliena:no offense,but what do you know about nuclear reactors? erich:meh,and engine is an engine.grabs his tool boxif i cant fix it with a hammer and a torque wrench,it's fucked beyond repair. karoliena:good luck down there.returns to her drink as erich strolls towards the engine room. erica:shakes headif he was half as handy as he thought he was,he'd be macuyver or some shit like that. chloe:oh,i love that show! nina:you're still here?! i guess you're right.nobody pays any attention to you. chloe:your mom pays attention to me! nina:she would,she loves skanky tarts! chloe:really? is that why she tried to abort you? nina:fuming,throws more water at chloe go find a frat party or something! chloe:that's it,bitch.i'm kicking your ass! nina:bring it! puts up fists erica:to be the voice of reason,if i may? chloe,you do look like you belong in a hair metal video.and nina,you are a skanky tart.you just dont look like it at the moment. karoliena:calmly eating an orangewow.you guys are terrible to each other. nina:erica?! erica? you're the worst of us all! is it boys,or girls? make up your mind! everyone knows about you and karoliena! karoliena:near choking on her orange hey,dont bring me into this! erica:and.......SCENE! that was great! i really think our remake of "12 angry men" would be a hit! nina:oh for sure,love.the original wasnt near angry enough for my liking.and the courthouse setting? bo-ring! karoliena:what? erica:it's all part of our creative process.we take a scene from a classic film,and remake it.but the scene in question must retain none of it's original dialogue or plot. the girls adjourn from the tiki lounge,and make their way to the ship's onboard studio. chloe:or characters.puts on a pair of trousers and harlots t-shirt karoliena:wearing your own band's t-shirt is lame. chloe:it's the only one i have with me....can i borrow one of yours? karoliena:ew.no. chloe:ew? what do you mean ew? i smell great! raises arms my armpits smell like heaven's bakery! karoliena:it isnt that.it's you'll get it all boob-y chloe:god dammit! there is a lot more to me than tits and drums! i'm a person! a person with hopes and dreams! for god's sake, i've got a fucking phd in theoretical physics! nina:oi! shut up and get on your drums. erica:ok.this song's called " reagan ruined america".ah one,ah two,23 skidoo! the band knocks out several songs that are slated for release on "trickle down economics".soon the morning sun's rays make their way through the lone porthole.the entire night seems to have flown by in about an hour.but as they say,"time flys when you're having fun...or buzzed on speed." erica:stretches and puts the mic back on it's stand oh man, i am bushed. nina:giggles erica:oh real mature,nina. nina:i know. karoliena:think erich ever fixed the engines? chloe:i havent heard the engines,so i assume not. karoliena:meh,i didnt think he would.see you ho's tomorrow. erica:good idea.see you guys later. the 3 official harlots go to their cabin,while karoliena retires to the captain's quarters. chloe:hey,why are we sharing a cabin,when we are aboard a ship with hundreds of rooms? nina:the boogy man,love.the boogy man. chloe climbs in a hammock while nina and erica share the bed.all is quiet for several hours.nina rolls over and notices erica looks very....different. nina:awaking with a scream who the fuck are you and why are you in my bed?! erica:half asleep and mumbling. damn,nina.i told you to lay off the weed.it's making you paranoid. nina:with a look of great confusion.erica sounds like erica,but sure doesnt look like erica erica:laughing no,it's the queen mother in bed with you. in old lady voice come here and kiss me on the cheek,sweety....no,no.my other cheeks! nina:just sorta sits there erica:oh come on.you love my queen mother bit. nina:um....erica? since when have you been.um.....asian? erica:since i was born,you goober.now go back to sleep.we've been up all night,and we all know you need your beauty sleep. nina:swallows fearfully and hold up her phone.no you havent,love.in fact,i distinctly remember you being not very asian at all. erica:quit screwing around with me.i remember you taking that picture,but where am i and who's that girl beside you? nina:looks around cautiouslyoh shit. at this point,erich staggers into the room.very drunk and covered with grease. erich:ok.the engines are toast...and i'm pretty sure this radioactive grease isnt good for my skin.anyways,the engines are seized up.i gave up after 15 minutes and instead just polished off a bottle of finlandia....say,who's the new girl? erica:ok,seriously? i havent had that much to drink tonight,so i'm not falling for it.it wasnt all that funny when nina was doing the whole "since when have you been asian,erica?thing.i know nothing is funnier than running a joke into the ground,but it's been a long night.i'm tired.so everyone go to bed! chloe:rubbing her eyes as she wakes up* guys shut up.....oh,i'm sorry.i didnt know we had company. erica:oh give me a break!
		"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.


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erich hess		#7 Posted : 17 January 2011 14:01:03(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC) Posts: 42,966 Location: representing the 954 Thanks: 22042 times Was thanked: 18228 time(s) in 10593 post(s)		erich's dictaphone recording:captain's log....i cannot say how many days we have been adrift.it has been at least a week,and still the engines refuse to fire.luckily the generators are running strong and feeding our hungry electronics with plenty of excited electrons.i would fear for my very life if the microwavable burritos were to stop flowing.morale is all at an time low.it is a matter of if,not when this powder keg will ignite.i know there has been speak of mutiny,yes mutiny! the talk has not been in the open,of course.but there has been much whispering behind my back.there is only one sensible thing to do. sounds of rummaging around in a desk....kill them,before they kill me! sound of a revolver's cylinder spinning and locking into place. i'm just fucking around.things are going well.the elephant in the room is the fact that the winchester is indeed moving.whether or not this is just the current,the wind or "something else" remains to be seen.to say that paranormal activity is at play,would certainly be an understatement.erica's new appearance is proof enough of that.chloe enlightened us that such things are supported by the multiverse theory.it would seem that anything,and everything is possible and does exist on some plane or the other.erica herself perhaps had the scariest theory.she said that we are actually the ones out of place and invading her universe,as we are the only ones that notice anything different.i guess if we ever get back to civilization ,we will find out if anyone notices erica no longer looks the same.dictaphone clicks off the early morning dawn breaks over the bow of the winchester as it's pulled towards it's final destination,a small island directly ahead.erica and erich are sitting on the bridge.erich is leaning back in a chair,his feet resting on the ship's wheel.erica is sitting at a table,with a pile of peanuts and .38 in front of her. erica:smashing the nuts with the butt of the gun what do you think is on that island? erich:i'm hoping it will be sex starved amazonian women.we will land and they will take me to their queen,there i will be used for my body.several times per day. erica:what about me,karoliena,nina and chloe? erich:erica,i'm just one man.i'll have to get to you guys later. erica:laughs a legend in your own mind.care for a nut? erich:nah i hate peanuts....i dont think smashing them with a gun is the best way to open them. erica:you're right. carefully aims the gun at an innocent peanut and pulls the trigger that way doesnt work either,they taste......burnt. erich:.....with something clearly on his mind did it hurt? erica:nope.i wore safety goggles for protection....the table is fucked though.and possibly anyone directly below us. erich:you know what i'm talking about. erica:i could ask you the same thing.as far as i'm concerned,everything is normal.you are the one who finds things strange.personally,i wouldn't give it much thought.i'm sure people slip into other universe all the time.it's the circle of life. erich:we have no idea where we are...or when we are for that matter,and you want to quote the lion king to me? erica:it does the trick,does it not? but i draw the line at singing the elton john song.he has sucked ever since giving up the blow. erich:for sure,can you see him doing "pinball wizard" now?....hey,speaking of blow? erica:that is rather rude,even for you.i'm appalled! erich:shakes head no,ya got any? erica:for real? that shit is bad for you. erich:well yeah,but... erica:didnt say i didnt have any. erica and erich pass the small bag back and forth until both are completely ripped.around this same time a violent shudder tears through the ship as it runs aground on the once distant island.a single,large building dominates the landscape.acres of pink,plastic flamingos cover the shoreline,a white clad figure stands among them.waiting for the hess clan to disembark.
		"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.


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erich hess		#8 Posted : 19 January 2011 14:43:46(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC) Posts: 42,966 Location: representing the 954 Thanks: 22042 times Was thanked: 18228 time(s) in 10593 post(s)		the ship comes to a smooth,yet firm halt.erica and erich peep out of the window,commando style at the mysterious man waiting for them.the man develops a pronounced sparkle as the mid morning reflects off of him.inside the ship,chaos reigns as all the passengers blame each other for running the ship aground. karoliena:smooth move.you just nailed that island.the guy on shore looks pissed too. erich:ok,erica,you go out and see what that guys wants.oh god i hope we didnt damage the island.i dont carry insurance on the duke. erica:fuck that,and fuck you! he could be nuts or something.nobody healthy lives alone on an island.nina,you go.you're good with people. nina:no way! i'm not the one who rammed the island while doing coke.chloe,you go.you're only the drummer.nobody will care if you die.go on,go see what he wants. chloe:i'm not going.no way,no how. nina:what if i said i'd give you a scooby snack,love? chloe:i'm not a dog! nina:two scooby snacks? chloe:gives nina a dirty look nina:ok,ok.you win.you're really twisting my arm here.i'll give you the whole box.final offer. chloe:how about i kick your ass,and you go? nina:no need to get hostile,jeez. erica:we'll all go.it's only fair. they all start to head out the door . as soon as erich makes it out the door,they slam it shut behind him. erich:hey! erica motions that she can't hear him through the porthole glass.but erich can clearly hear the hysterical laughter of nina and karoliena. erich:this is such fucking bullshit.tosses emergency rope ladder off the side of the ship,and prepares to meet whoever waits him. erich:landing with a dull thud on the beach* ahoy! sorry about the isla-.....oh my god it's elvis! elvis:in the flesh. erich:no fucking way! i guess this means you really didnt die in '77! elvis:no.that was true.i did die in 77.then i came back again,od'd once more,and now i'm back again.it seems there was some confusion on death's part.so i got a get out of death free card.apparently elvis costello was slated to die in 1977.but the death dept got me instead. can you imagine anyone mistaking that little wiener for me? erich:still in shockdid...did you bring us here? elvis:no.but i'm glad to see you.it's so rare i get visitors here. erich:do you think you can fix our ship? elvis:son,i'm a musican.not some sort of magic being.kids today and their nutty ideas. erich:ashamed oh.sorry,i just thought with you being elvis and all... elvis produces a guitar out of thin air and strums the first few chords of jailhouse rock.he then chops a mighty karate chop,and the ship starts right up. erich:i thought you said.... elvis:it's good to be king,baby. why dont you and your's join me for supper? erich:giddy like a school girl oh my god,oh my god. scurries up the ladder to inform his shipmates who's island they found. karoliena:so is it ok? erich:it's better than ok. ITS ELVIS!!! karoliena:bullshit.elvis as in "hound dog","i died on my toilet" elvis? elvis:yes! karoliena:it's probably some weirdo dressed like elvis.it's like 150 degrees outside.anyone wearing a jumpsuit in this weather is clearly insane. erich:motioning towards erica yes,a long dead rock n roller is just too far fetched for belief.besides,you can clearly see he fixed the engines! erica:no.that was me.turns out you cant have the tv,toaster,and radio on all at the same time.i turned off the radio,and it's thunderbirds are go! erich:shakes his head coincidence. the man karate chopped,and the engines worked.case closed.he invited us all to dinner.imagine,dinner with the king! karoliena:fine,but only because i'm sick of ramen.i swear to go erich,if he turns out crazy,i'm going to kill you.not ha ha kill you,i mean smother you with a pillow kill you. erich:fine,and if he is elvis.....you gotta do that one thing you swore you'd never do again. karoliena:eyes dart around franticallyshhhhh! there is no way i'm betting.....that,on some weirdo being elvis or not.it's just stupid. the crew climbs down off the duke to meet their host.whom even karoliena must admit,looks alot like elvis.elvis leads them deep into the jungle,where an imposing version of graceland awaits them,complete with airplanes and cadillacs. the hess crew:simultaneously wow! elvis:impressive,i know.too bad there isnt anywhere to drive on this island. karoliena:ok,so he MIGHT be elvis. elvis:looking karoliena up and down indeed i am,little momma.indeed i am. the group enters the sprawling complex.it is near warehouse like in it's scale.but is decorated in the most horrible super 70's decor. nina:you dont get out much,do you mr presely? elvis:not anymore.the god damn weekly world news kept spotting me. erich:noticing a tv in a room they pass mr elvis,it'd mean alot to me if you would let me shoot your tv. elvis:the hell?...oh that.sure,go ahead.karate chops and the tv flickers to life,complete with robert goulet on screen. erich:pulls out his revolver and carefully takes aim at goulet* eat chicken fried death goulet! fires and the tv explodes with a satisfying shower of sparks. elvis karate chops and the tv is restored erich:stay down you son of a bitch! shoots tv again elvis:please stop doing that. erich:sheepishly ok....shoots nearest radio elvis:ok.thats it, give me the gun.you just lost gun privileges mister! erich:oh come on! be cool,you didnt say anything about radios! i'd finish this,but i'ts past my bed time.
		"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.


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erich hess		#9 Posted : 20 January 2011 14:20:55(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC) Posts: 42,966 Location: representing the 954 Thanks: 22042 times Was thanked: 18228 time(s) in 10593 post(s)		--continued elvis:you'll get it back at the end of the day. they all sit in the main dining hall.a mammoth affair with a table that stretches to near infinity.as they take their seats,fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches materialize on the plates.everyone starts eating like they havent eaten in days. karoliena:this is great! far better than crusty old ramen noodles. erich:hey,those noodles looked pretty good half an hour ago. karoliena:actually,i hate them.but i know they mean so much to you. erica:.....ok.since nobody is going to bring it up,whats with the magic powers mr presley? elvis:it comes with being the king. nina:dropping the messy sandwich on her shirt god dammit.i'll never get the stain out. chloe:quietly not the first time she's said that. nina:elvis,could you? elvis:i aint some magic genie or something.there's a washing machine down the hall. nina:well.....erich got to shoot a tv.all i want is a clean shirt...please? elvis:well,i never could reject a pretty little lady.zaps nina a new shirt. nina:wow! that felt....startlingly erotic. karoliena:finishes her sandwhich and dabs her lips with her napkin that was phenomenal.anyone care for some post dinner doobage? pulls a blunt out of her purse elvis: i dont do hippy shit! i refuse to allow that garbage in my house! karate chops and karoliena's blunt turns to a normal cigarette. karoliena:hey! i had 50 bucks of weed in that! elvis:drugs are for hippies.i dont know what you've heard about me,but i dont use drugs.i only use medication.karate chops and a pile of pills appear on the table.c'mon,dig in.dont be shy,there's plenty more where this came from.karate chops and the pile quadruples in volume erica and nina:when in rome.the both grab handfuls and feed them to each other elvis:there ya go.try some good,honest medication instead of that hippy swill. with that,copious amounts of pills make their way down the collective gullet of our heroes.as the pills begin to do their dirty work,the dining room fades out and reality fades back in to a scene out by the pool.elvis and erica are sitting in a cadillac,engine running and facing the pool. elvis:revving the engine hope you got your bikini on,little lady.downs a handful of pills erica:i dont even own one. elvis:karate chops you do now,sweet thing. erica:ow! the stupid vinyl seat is burning my ass! a thong?! seriously,only whores wear thongs. elvis floors the caddy and with a mighty lurch and a roar it ends up in the bottom of the pool.things fade to black once more. fade back in,and the hess clan is joining elvis for a viewing of 2001.they are sitting in elvis' private theatre.it's a gaudy affair with everything being either gold or red. nina:with a look of disgust this place is hideous. elvis:how many personal theaters do you own? that's right.none! erica:the crushed velvet chairs are a nice touch though. erich:eating a fistload of pills i've never finished this film.what is up with the monkeys? elvis:passed out and snoring karoliena:wanna put his hand in warm water? erica:that doesnt work. karoliena:bullshit it doesnt.watch.puts elvis's hand in a pot of water erica:hey,where'd you get the water? fades to black.fades back in and erich is running around the grounds of mega graceland.naked aside from a disturbing use of a pack of balogna erich:yelling i can see through metal!! fades out and fades in.elvis is bare knuckle fighting tor johnson in a scarface like bathtub full of peanut butter. the hess clan looks on as karoliena and nina furiously toss money around. nina:kick his ass! the nads,go for the nads! karoliena:if you dont win,dont bother coming home!! reality fades in and out.chloe is intently watching 2001 for the 3rd time in a row. chloe:this.is.so.fucking.awesome..... the night is winding down.elvis and the hess clan are nodding in and out of consciousness.drowsily they take turns shooting various tvs. erich:elvis,you are one bad ass cat.you know that? elvis:i'm the king for a reason,baby.shoots the tv,which instantly is restored karoliena:you know,we named our debut album after you? elvis:yeah,and it sucked.it's bad enough i've got every pudgy guy who can buy a jumpsuit pretending to be me.i should shoot you and erich out of principle alone. things fade out once more.the sound of seagulls awaken our heroes.now safely aboard the duke of winchester.heads pounding they all make their to their feet.the familar sight of miami's skyline meets them,in all it's assholish glory. nina:rubbing her head no more pills,ever.i mean it.my head feels like.....shit,i dunno.something unpleasant. erica:i agree.hell,i'm swearing it all off.did any of that really happen? karoliena:well,you still look asian,so something happend. erica:that proves nothing.i've always looked like this. erich:not to us,you havent. hey,does anyone else remember elvis? karoliena:i had a....dream of sorts about elvis.eyes widen,and she puts her hand down the rear of her pants nina:oh,that's charming,love.picking a wedgie. karoliena:picking a blue rhinestone out of her underwear oh god,it wasnt a dream! i've got rhinestones where there shouldnt be rhinestones!! erica:you didnt.... karoliena:with a knowing smile oh yeah,i did. nina:.....i was there too.. chloe:slowly raises her hand me too. erich:wow.i need to take some lesson from mr presley. erich's dictaphone recording:it's with heavy hearts we return to our home shore.with our mission complete,i cannot say which emotion we feel more,a sense of accomplishment,a sense of wonder,or an urge to go forgo drugs for the rest of our days.i cannot speak for the rest of the crew,but my head,my stomach,my very soul pounds with the hangover from hell.will anyone believe our tale?i doubt it.even with the clear proof that is erica's new appearance,it's just too fantastic to believe.it'll probably be written off as some drastic plastic surgery procedure.perhaps this is for the best.who wants to believe the universe is fluid and subject to change?it is safe to say this journey changed us,perhaps more than we will ever know....or admit
		"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.


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