Off the Record Podcast with Maliah Aguilar
Episode #001 – Guest: Billy Khan

“This is Off the Record — I’m Maliah Aguilar. Here, we go beyond the music. I sit down with artists and personalities you know — and some you’re about to — to talk about the moments that don’t make the liner notes. From heartbreak to healing, tour life to late-night doubts — it’s raw, real, and completely off the record.”

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Hey, welcome to Off the Record. I’m Maliah Aguilar, and today for the inaugural episode of the podcast we’re really diving into the stuff you don’t usually hear in interviews – the moments behind the music.
My guest today is someone who absolutely needs no introduction, the poster boy for the modern day rebels and a fellow North Londoner. Billy Khan is here, and we certainly won’t be talking about press tours or chart numbers – we’re talking real life shit. What it means to really become somebody when the odds have been so stacked against you, all of the crazy opportunities that come your way when you hit that god-mode level and how to navigate it, sometimes recklessly and the real things that keep us grounded throughout it all.

Billy, thank you so much for being the first guest. Obviously, let’s get the elephant in the room out of the way early on. We’re both North London kids, Arsenal fan right here. But you opted for Spurs, is that the earliest sign of that reckless behaviour you’re so famous for?

Billy: "Fuckin' Hell, the knives out already? OK, Maliah. I see what kind of operation you're running here. Classy! Probably on some deep psychological level I suppose, yeah! I do have a tendency to be on the right side of history, you know? Plus I was attracted to the big cock on the crest. "Audere est Facere" - "To Dare Is To Do". Me all over, right?"

You know what? When you put it like that, I can really see the fit. No jokes about enjoying going up the Arse on a weekend, please. How have you been? I feel like our paths were always destined to cross at some point. Kicking around in North London as a teenager, your name was one that really fucking echoed through that borough. Not just saying that because you’re here, but being a mixed kid on the breadline, fighting for everything, your story resonated with a lot of us, you sort of became the image of our fight as the evidence that you get out of it and really fucking make a life for yourself. Like fuck, too many of us still don’t make it out of it, but you were the hope for us that really gave us that belief that maybe, just maybe, y’know?

Billy: "That means a lot to hear, honestly. That's definitely something I've recognised and come to not only appreciate but accept the responsibility of over the years. Genuinely, hand on heart, I didn't get into this with the aim of being some sort of role model or beacon of hope. I didn't. Nobody who auditioned for or held the auditions for Weekend, nobody in that room knew what it would go on to become. I went in with the mindset of "I've got no qualifications, I'm skint, I've got a decent voice, I've got fuck all to lose". Honestly? I thought I'd earn a few quid and get some shags out of it. Down the line though; meeting fans, reading tweets and hearing all these stories about how I've inspired and changed their lives, it did make me reflect and take stock at one point. I realised that, yeah, I'm incredibly lucky to be where I am and that we also don't have a lot to aspire to back home. Certainly no helping hands either. Statistically, I shouldn't be here and that's why I'm fucking digging my heels in twice as hard."

Honestly, that’s a perfect way to describe your whole journey in this industry. You’ve always been seen as the brash kid with a chip on his shoulder, but to us that know where you’ve come from, have walked those same streets and experienced a lot of the same things, obviously not quite as high stakes as your own, the way that you carry yourself, not changing yourself in any way to fit in with the sort of people that you’ve always railed against. It inspires authenticity.

Billy: "So many people have wanted me to change in one way or another. So many people have wanted me to fail catastrophically as well and a lot of that is due to their own prejudice and preconceived ideas of what a "star" should and shouldn't be. I fell into this and, thankfully, just gone from strength to strength but that's rubbed a lot of people up the wrong way. Some think I don't "deserve" to be in my place or whatever because I'm; working class, mixed, from a "manufactured" group, not a nepo baby of Hollywood's elite or whatever their issue is. I'll never change who I am and a great deal of that is actually my own pettiness and willingness to stick it to those people and prove a point."

Admittedly, there is some shit that you’ve done that’s difficult to defend. But I’m sure you’re the first to admit you’re no angel.

Billy: "Oh, I'm an incredibly flawed individual. That's not a get out of jail free card, by the way. I'm aware I've got an extremely short fuse. There are situations I totally could've handled better. On the flip side of that though, I am incredibly passionate and I will call people out on shitty behaviours and will not be walked over. I don't mind my Ps & Qs just because I'm a well known face. I don't give a shit about PR."

Fuck it, it keeps everybody else on their toes, right?

Billy: "Yeah, gotta keep people on their toes! Seriously though, I just don't suffer fools gladly. You can take the boy out of Hackney...

It feels like you’ve lived a hundred lives in one. I’m sure a lot of people even forget that you became a father at such a young age too, on top of all that craziness of those early years in the group. It was a high-profile and drama-fuelled relationship with Andrea at the time, how’s your relationship now? It feels like that side of your life rarely resurfaces so publicly these days. Are things on a positive level these days?

Billy: "We get on much better with a continental distance between us, haha! We can get on like a house on fire when we link up. She's an incredible person and we're both extremely big personalities. That can also be determinantal if it's concentrated. Small doses is how we work best. Both of us are very balls-to-the wall and have destructive tendencies. We learned that about ourselves the hard way and realised that if we wanted to remain in each other's lives, breathing space is a necessity."

I’m sure your life has changed often throughout those years, there’s been periods where you’ve laid-low, had a very public relationship with Jerry Holmes and lived-out that excessive rock n roll lifestyle to the fullest. How would you describe where you’re at right now?

Billy: "You know, I would say that I'm actually the freest I've ever been. That's saying something for someone who's already lived as freely as I have! I'm 32 now. I know myself better than ever. I know my limits. I know what fulfils me and what doesn't. While self-exploration still plays a part, it's less of that now and more so focusing on and really leaning into the things I've discovered that I love. All the shit that makes me tick. As chaotic as life can be, there's also a zen to it. I know that sounds oxymoronic but I thrive in madness and because all my ducks are in a row; Emil being older, career going well, being single, there's nothing niggling me and I can just dive in and enjoy my madness."



A man that truly knows himself is incredibly rare, especially in the celebrity world. I find that a lot of people fake confidence in this industry, but the way that you’re describing where you’re at right now is the epitome of someone that is confident in themselves and the path that they’re currently on. And that phrase, just dive in and enjoy your madness, is so perfect to me. I feel like that’s the real goal, to be truly unburdened by expectation and just embrace whatever experiences come your way.

Billy: "Yeah, and it's something that I've always somewhat lived by to a degree but I still had to pay my dues and earn my stripes. I had to grow up and experience shit. I've learned about stuff that I want to carry with me through life and realised what I also want to leave behind. Life is for living and we've only got this one shot at it. Make it a fun one, fam."

Now, we have to talk about Weekend and the boys. I know what your fanbase is like and they would destroy me online if we didn’t get into some Weekend chatter. It feels like you guys are back into the swing of things once again, I caught your show in London and it just feels like you are all at the top of your game. How are things with the boys these days, because it’s not always been smooth sailing.

Billy: "Oh yeah those Weekenders will get you! I'd also like to say that we didn't coin that term. Bit of a shit and lazy fanbase name but whatever. We're 14 years deep now. Kind of like I was saying about myself, we're all getting older and just more comfortable in ourselves. Dustyn's the only one still to turn 30 but he's wise beyond his years. I think we're at the top of our game because we're over all the drama that comes with youth. Forget the craziness of the industry, being a teenager and in your twenties trying to figure out and navigate life is exhausting. We've all been through the wringer and come out the other side laser-focused on the stuff that's actually important. We have a commitment to the band, the brand and the fans. Yeah, we still bicker and annoy the shit out of each other at times. That's family though."

It feels like you and Dustyn have always had the closest bond within the group, you’ve both had your share of public drama individually, is that something that’s brought you both closer?

Billy: "Definitely. Dustyn is my absolute best friend in the world and, apart from Deneil, was my first true friend. We clicked over a lot of similarities that may not be that apparent at face value. We grew up feeling like outsiders, we had that "other" tag attached to us. We felt like fish out of water when we got into the band. He's also such a pure soul that radiates light and love. I'll never forget how inclusive and warm he was on the day we all first met. A lot of people weren't too sure of me at first. I was this couch surfer wearing a hoodie and with a gouge next to my eyebrow from a recent fight. I wasn't presentable or approachable in the slightest. Didn't stop Dust from skipping over and yapping my ear off. Took me a moment to let my walls down but I could tell off the bat his intentions were nothing but loving and pure. Once I let him in, we got very close very quickly. I don't think people understand how...uh...intense our bond is. I would go to war for that guy. So much love for Dusty."

Oh! Hold up, intense?. Now, I know that's Billy talk for something crazy crazy. You tryna say what I think you're tryna say?

Billy: "Yeahhhhhh, you know, I think enough time has passed now. We used to keep it hush-hush back in the day because at the height of it all, it would've set the whole fucking world on fire. We're like over a decade removed from it now so I guess there's no harm in saying it. Me and Dust had a thing in the early days of the band. We, uh...yeah, we fucked around for a few months, haha! I can hear minds blowing across the globe right now. A whole lot of 2012 fan fiction writers feel so vindicated and horny right now. I can feel it in my bones, haha! But yeah, there's like a whole other layer of connection we've got going on.

Wow, holy fuck! That's definitely not the revelation I was expecting coming into this conversation.

Billy: "An "Off The Record" exclusive, eh? Haha! Yeah, this was like early, early days, fam. Started before we even released our first single and it sort of fizzled out not long after that. Management weren't happy AT all. We knew ourselves it probably wasn't wise and sustainable. It naturally wound down and as everyone knows, proper boyfriends and girlfriends arrived on the scene. Dust and I, we never really put a name to it. He had just came out to us - the first people he ever told by the way, he was a virgin, I had never been in a relationship before. It was all just very giggly, exciting, a bit mischievous. Listen, we were five young, hormonal, horny lads all sharing a flat. Shouldn't be that much of a surprise that some of us stuck things in places! There's a soundbite for your promo!"

That’s exactly the juicy shit that I was looking for! On a serious note though, it must be a very proud moment to see how all of the boys have navigated the difficulties of fame and get to where they are right now.

Billy: "For sure. Fucking hell, it was a witch hunt for us back in the day. The tabloids and even other artists in our space were absolutely lethal towards us. Again, a lot of that stemmed from elitism and people seeing us as "imposters". "How dare these random guys turn up to an audition and now they're sat at the same table as us!" All that sort of bullshit. It was hard, yeah. Those first years were tough. Don't get me wrong, it gave us the drive to push ahead and get to where we are today but it wasn't without its bumps in the road. We're still human and were young boys for fuck sake. I responded with anger a lot then. No surprise. Oscar became quite withdrawn for a while. Dustyn and Scott got rather emotional. Riley, well Ri's always been a tower of strength. We've all leaned on each other at different points over the years in order to forge ahead."

As much as the Weekend stuff must be incredibly fulfilling, your solo career has taken off incredibly well too. Still yet to release that debut album, but you’re already one of the most successful solo artists in the industry. I gotta admit, the solo stuff is more my type of vibe. That classic RnB style with hip-hop tropes, literal bedroom music. It feels like that’s your true path.

Billy: "Yeah and I find it so fucking bizarre that we're all able to agree on and create something specifically for the band and the Weekend brand but individually, our tastes are all so, so different! If we all came out with solo albums, you wouldn't think we came from the same group. The R&B thing has always been me. It's what I grew up on, it's what I mimicked. My voice's natural tone also sits really well in that lane. It's part of my DNA at this point. I think I'm lucky to know who I am as an artist and creative. A lot of people try on different hats or they struggle to streamline a project. Me? My method is; "Does this sound like a #1 hit on the R&B charts in 1997? It does?! OK, good!". I also believe that those smooth beats really allows your voice and pen to shine, you know? Of course I want people to enjoy it but most importantly, I want them to hear what I have to offer the world. I want my lyrics and vocals to be recognised, not just a catchy earworm hook."

It sounds like you’re in a place where you truly know yourself. The Billy that we’re told about in the press and online couldn’t be more at odds with the Billy that I’m talking to today. As we start to wrap up our conversation, I’m intrigued to know which version of Billy Khan is the most accurate and true to life. The calm, thoughtful and relaxed version we see today or version that likes to keep everybody on their toes unaware of what he’s about to do next?

Billy: "Oh, I'm everything and a little bit more! I've always had this dual thing going on. I'm a Gemini. A lot of people read things about me and then they're pleasantly surprised when they meet me. I like that. Again, it all ties in with keeping people on their toes and disproving expectations and opinions. I'm an extrovert. I've definitely got this wild streak running through my body but I'm also a well-rounded human being, I like to think. It's never always black and white. Those people who have one singular trait are boring as fuck. That's the main reason my album is titled 'Bilal'. It taps into all the pockets and crevices of this manic little head of mine. Boy band member, solo artist, writer, singer, producer, dad, brother, lover, your best friend, your enemy...all that. Never singular, me."

Amazing, and now I’m just even more hyped for that debut solo album. It feels like this is a perfect place to end things, thank you so much for your time and openness throughout our conversation and as the first ever guest on my podcast. It’s been a pleasure talking to you, thank you Billy Khan.

Billy: "Thank you Maliah Aguilar. Always nice to hear the sound of my own voice. Thanks for having me and trusting me not to say anything that makes the whole thing unusable. Might have to shank your cameraman or something now. I'm slipping!"