Track: #01
Title: “intro: hiding”
Genre(s): Adult Contemporary, Alternative Rock
Length: 1:12
Label: Studio60 Records / Half-Moon Productions
Writer(s): Amy Meyer

The opening track begins with the sound of muffled noise from a gathering crowd below, almost as if somebody had opened a window to an apartment room high above a busy street. An electric guitar sound provides the backing music for the introductory track of the album but the production has a slightly tinny sound chosen by design as it gives of the feeling of being trapped somewhere and not being able to hear clearly, a metaphor for what’s to come from the confessional style lyrics that lend themselves to the idea of being trapped in your own mind, a theme set to run throughout the entire album.
Giving off a feeling that there’s something interesting going on just out of distance but you’re not quite part of it, instead trapped within yourself and the thoughts that you hold inside your mind. A soft almost exhausted sigh from Amy Meyer after around twenty-three seconds of the track lets you know that there’s some form of life before she starts to sing in a weary tone, “I feel the need to apologize/I feel like I should apologize to everybody that listened to what I had to say/Because I taught the kids that worshipped us/To stand up for what they believe in and not be afraid of who they were/When all along, I was just hiding away/I was always hiding away from my own true self.”

As the song progresses further with Amy delivering the words almost in a spoken tone, slowed down to a conversational style as if she’s addressing her former audience in the form of Riot! in the Boulevard fans, at least the ones that remained following the groups hiatus in 2019 she offers her inner-most thoughts on the life that she lived during the bands peak years and how she hid from her true self, only officially coming out just a few months before the groups final album, the prior year being one of self-discovery from the former frontwoman of Riot! as she dealt with personal issues that had plagued her throughout her life, only coming to the realisation that she was searching for love in all the wrong places, this comes through strongly during the opening track as she delivers these raw personal lyrics in the form of an acknowledgement and apology to her former fans, “The irony and the sad truth is that I was probably the most lost kid/And yet I never listened to my own advice/It's a fucking god complex/And I can't apologize enough to you all/I believe in redemption/I believe in second chances/Just look at my face/And you'll see the reality/That the girl with the furrowed brow/Is honest now.”

As the song progresses, the tinny sound of the production slowly becomes more and more clean and clear until the point where we reach the songs final moments and everything sounds crisp, you can hear the individual buzz from the fingerpicked electric guitar in the track while Amy’s voice becomes less weary and a little more powerful, more reminiscent of the aggressive red-haired frontwoman that we are more familiar with, even if the colour has all been washed out as she sings, “You'll understand why you rarely saw a real smile etched across my face/I'm free of the shackles that I put on myself/But I’m still finding my way/Took a while/To say/What I had to say/I'm broken/I guess/I was always/Built this way” perhaps a slightly subtle nod to the fact that she’s been on medication for depression and anxiety since her very early teenage years, something she used to hide away from. It’s an indication early on that she’s following the words she’s singing, that she is more honest with her own truth now.

---

”intro: hiding”

“I feel the need to apologize
I feel like I should apologize to everybody that listened to what I had to say
Because I taught the kids that worshipped us
To stand up for what they believe in and not be afraid of who they were
When all along, I was just hiding away
I was always hiding away from my own true self
Faking love and breaking hearts
Causing hurt to kind people because I couldn't love them like I should
Hiding from my own truth
And stepping out onstage every night
Singing about revolutions
And how the lost and lonely will find their way
If only they'd follow their hearts
The irony and the sad truth is that I was probably the most lost kid
And yet I never listened to my own advice
It's a fucking god complex
And I can't apologize enough to you all
I believe in redemption
I believe in second chances
Just look at my face
And you'll see the reality
That the girl with the furrowed brow
Is honest now
Because she's accepted her own truth
And she's finally following her own words and advice
That if we only get this one life
We must live it true
You'll no longer find me chasing love in the wrong place
You'll understand why you rarely saw a real smile etched across my face
I'm free of the shackles that I put on myself
But I’m still finding my way
Took a while
To say
What I had to say
I'm broken
I guess
I was always
Built this way”

---

Sound Alike;

trabbey – “Funeral”

Track: #03
Title: “holding on”
Genre(s): Adult Contemporary, Alternative Rock
Length: 4:31
Label: Studio60 Records / Half-Moon Productions
Writer(s): Amy Meyer

The third track from the album continues a familiar theme, with a strong electric guitar intro in a finger-picked style with a strong echo which almost gives off a repetitive melodic lullaby vibe. It’s very minimal and the same pattern can be heard throughout the track, the volume slowly increasing as the song progresses following the arrival of an aggressive and powerful drum beat which adds to the emotional backdrop of the track and gives a sense of drama and power to the track as Amy delivers an opening line which has shades of the writing style that Riot! were known for at the peak as she sings, “I’ve been feeling the weight of the world for around twenty-seven years now/Did most of my growing up in a van with four boys from my hometown/I guess subconsciously the road was a subliminal message for the demons I’ve been running from/But now I’ve stepped away, everything that was familiar has all gone.” And that style that the band had for really cramming more words in their songs is definitely on display in this track, a slight change up from the opening tracks which saw the lyrics stripped back to minimal and effective. Amy continues singing amidst the dramatic musical backdrop during the opening verse, “And these days I can say honestly/I’m barely holding on/It’s been a while since I sat down and even tried to write a new song/Maybe the critics were right when they said/It won’t take long before it’s all gone.” And the theme is still very on brand with the tone of the album.

The musical tone continues in a similar pattern and the contemplative vocal delivery from Amy changes slightly to a less controlled tone, more fast paced and almost verging on shouty or aggressive as she sings the chorus with anger at herself, “I’ve been known to make the things that I love so much die/Got nothing left here worth keeping me alive/I push people away that always stood by my side/I’ve been searching for an answer/But I just don’t know why.” Which segues perfectly into a more dramatic and urgent verse with the drums overpowering the guitar for the first time in the album as Amy sings once more, “I dunno where to start/I’ve been told I’m empty and I’ve got a small heart/Perhaps they mistake my cold shoulder for a bad attitude/And wonder why my enthusiasm is so subdued/I guess I’m just rude/How did I ever get like this?/I used to be a fiery little fucked up kid/Ready to take on the world with two bawled up fists.” As she channels the aggression that she was known for in her vocal style in her early breakthrough years to showcase that there still there, somewhere deep within her.

The drums suddenly and abruptly stop dead in their tracks and just the echoey guitar pattern remains with an almost eerie silence lingering in the air before Amy finishes off the verse in a more subdued and weary but melodic tone, “Now I’m just silent/Wondering what all this is/I’ve got a habit for reconstructions/I just wanna down all the pills/Fuck the instructions.” Before we’re delivered the songs chorus a couple more times to the backdrop of the guitar as the song fades out.

---

“holding on”

“I’ve been feeling the weight of the world for around twenty-seven years now
Did most of my growing up in a van with four boys from my hometown
I guess subconsciously the road was a subliminal message for the demons I’ve been running from
But now I’ve stepped away, everything that was familiar has all gone
And these days I can say honestly
I’m barely holding on
It’s been a while since I sat down and even tried to write a new song
Maybe the critics were right when they said
It won’t take long before it’s all gone

I’ve been known to make the things that I love so much die
Got nothing left here worth keeping me alive
I push people away that always stood by my side
I’ve been searching for an answer
But I just don’t know why

I dunno where to start
I’ve been told I’m empty and I’ve got a small heart
Perhaps they mistake my cold shoulder for a bad attitude
And wonder why my enthusiasm is so subdued
I guess I’m just rude
How did I ever get like this?
I used to be a fiery little fucked up kid
Ready to take on the world with two bawled up fists
Now I’m just silent
Wondering what all this is
I’ve got a habit for reconstructions
I just wanna down all the pills
Fuck the instructions

I’ve been known to make the things that I love so much die
Got nothing left here worth keeping me alive
I push people away that always stood by my side
I’ve been searching for an answer
But I just don’t know why

I’ve been known to make the things that I love so much die
Got nothing left here worth keeping me alive
I push people away that always stood by my side
I’ve been searching for an answer
But I just don’t know why”

---

Sound Alike;

The World Is A Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid To Die – “Wait, What?”

Track: #05
Title: “brave”
Genre(s): Adult Contemporary, Alternative Rock
Length: 3:42
Label: Studio60 Records / Half-Moon Productions
Writer(s): Amy Meyer

The fifth track begins with an electric guitar pattern repeated, starting off quiet but quickly increasing in volume. It only takes a few seconds before it’s accompanied by the sound of a piano melody which adds something additional to the track, Amy sings more in time with the piano chords rather than the guitar and her voice isn’t as weary as in previous tracks, it’s louder and clearer than previously as she sings the songs opening lyrics, “I used to be a young girl that couldn’t keep quiet/Ready to take on the world/I even started a Riot!/But in finding my true self/I lost part of what I was/Confidence faded from me/When our name became etched into the stars.” It feels slightly calmer and cinematic with the inclusion of the piano tones matching Amy’s vocals well, but this all changes quite quickly as the song progresses into the next stage.

The sound of crashing drums arrive onto the track and the guitar sound is less subtle, using volume over tone as it almost drowns out the sound of the piano as Amy sings in a powerful and loud vocal, “The demons were after me/Been chasing all my life/With every passing moment/Felt like they were getting closer every time.” And the combination of Amy’s suddenly aggressive vocal run and the dramatic increase in pace, bring to mind early Riot! tracks, as Amy delivers the songs pre-chorus, “I used to stand on stage/Singing out my words with rage/And I watch videos now/But it’s getting harder to see/Because that girl on that stage/Doesn’t look familiar to me.”
Before it all comes crashing to a halt, silence for a couple of moments before we arrive at the same intro electric guitar pattern and piano combo as Amy slows it down, her vocals have never sounded so clear as she sings it’s chorus, “Used to want to take on the world/But now I’m just fighting the demons inside/Used to be so fucking brave/But all I want to do is hide.” As she continues to get as honest as ever before on the track, laying down her deepest thoughts.

She then delivers the following verse and the rest of the song at a similar slowed down pace, with lines about her life now since she’s stepped away from the stage and attempted to figure herself out alone, “Now it’s just therapy sessions/Days spent in bed/Battling the thoughts running through my head/Not good enough/Got nothing to say/My struggle is mine/Not someone else’s to take away.” And that idea continues as we receive once final verse before the songs chorus closes things out, “But some days I wake up/And I feel a small fire/I want to stand up and fight/But my body is tired/But I hope that some day/I’ll find a way to be brave/And be the badass I was once/When I stood on that stage.”

---

“brave”

“I used to be a young girl that couldn’t keep quiet
Ready to take on the world
I even started a Riot!
But in finding my true self
I lost part of what I was
Confidence faded from me
When our name became etched into the stars

The demons were after me
Been chasing all my life
With every passing moment
Felt like they were getting closer every time

I used to stand on stage
Singing out my words with rage
And I watch videos now
But it’s getting harder to see
Because that girl on that stage
Doesn’t look familiar to me

Used to want to take on the world
But now I’m just fighting the demons inside
Used to be so fucking brave
But all I want to do is hide

Now it’s just therapy sessions
Days spent in bed
Battling the thoughts running through my head
Not good enough
Got nothing to say
My struggle is mine
Not someone else’s to take away

But some days I wake up
And I feel a small fire
I want to stand up and fight
But my body is tired
But I hope that some day
I’ll find a way to be brave
And be the badass I was once
When I stood on that stage

Used to want to take on the world
But now I’m just fighting the demons inside
Used to be so fucking brave
But all I want to do is hide”

---

Sound Alike;

Elliott – “Drive On To Me”

Track: #07
Title: “interlude: six feet deep”
Genre(s): Adult Contemporary, Alternative Rock
Length: 1:05
Label: Studio60 Records / Half-Moon Productions
Writer(s): Amy Meyer

The seventh track has a repetitive almost soothing guitar progression throughout, it plays out continuously for around forty-five seconds uninterrupted until Amy’s vocals arrive as she delivers the songs lyrics, “You can hold my hand one last time/As we take our final walk to the garden outside/No more fooling around/Like we used to do/Just you and me/We’ll take our memories from the last three years/And we will bury them six feet deep.” Which showcase dark imagery that leaves itself open to interpretation. With the general idea of burying the difficult memories away, however she never indicates that they’re not necessarily bad memories, the song being so short leaves a lot of space for people to make up their own mind. It’s possible that these are good memories that cause her pain now looking back on them and that it’s easier to burying them.

The music remains the same three chords and fingerpicking guitar pattern throughout the entire song as Amy repeats her lyrics once more to close out the brief interlude track, “You can hold my hand one last time/As we take our final walk to the garden outside/No more fooling around/Like we used to do/Just you and me/We’ll take our memories from the last three years/And we will bury them six feet deep” as the music fades out.

---

“interlude: six feet deep”

“You can hold my hand one last time
As we take our final walk to the garden outside
No more fooling around
Like we used to do
Just you and me
We’ll take our memories from the last three years
And we will bury them six feet deep

You can hold my hand one last time
As we take our final walk to the garden outside
No more fooling around
Like we used to do
Just you and me
We’ll take our memories from the last three years
And we will bury them six feet deep”

Sound Alike;

Penfold – “I’ll Take You Everywhere”

Track: #09
Title: “nothing left”
Genre(s): Adult Contemporary, Alternative Rock, Pop-Punk
Length: 4:41
Label: Studio60 Records / Half-Moon Productions
Writer(s): Amy Meyer

The ninth track begins immediately with Amy delivering the opening lyrics, “Please don’t call me/Save us both the pain tonight.” Before being quickly joined by the familiar strains and echoes of the electric guitar alongside her clear and assertive vocal delivery as she continues, “I’ll say that I’m just fine/But we both know that something just ain’t right/I gave a fuck about you/But it hurts to see that you still care/When there’s nothing left inside of me these days/I’m empty and there’s nothing left.” As the verse finishes, the guitar continues on it’s own for an extended period of time which allows the music to soak in, putting emphasis on the instrumentation for a rare moment during the record.

Amy’s voice returns as we arrive at the pre-chorus, the pace of the guitar increases slightly with the same chord structure and melody and is now accompanied by drums and faint keyboards in the background which add to the melodic strength of the song as Amy sings, “You’re so tired of chasing shadows on the wall/Trying to be the net to break my fall/When you know that I have a tendency to feel nothing all/It makes me feel so small/Yeah, it makes me feel so fucking small.” As she seemingly picks apart her entire dating history in one song, pondering why people have an obsession with fixing or saving her and expecting things that they knew from the very beginning were things she wasn’t capable of emotionally providing.
The guitar soars above the drums and keyboards as we reach the songs chorus, Amy’s vocal delivery again strong and assertive, “We both know I have nothing left/But emptiness and my regret/We both know I have nothing left/But emptiness and my regret/We both know I have nothing left/But emptiness and my regret” it’s repetitive but it does it’s job to get across Amy’s frustrations at the same cycle seemingly happening.

We reach the songs intro repeated as a pre-chorus closer with a slight lyric change, “Please don’t call me/Save us both the pain tonight/I’ll say that I’m just fine/But we both know that something just ain’t right/I used to give a fuck about you/But now I’ve learnt to live without you/It hurts to see how much you really still care/When there’s nothing left/There’s nothing there.” Before we’re given the songs repetitive chorus to close out the track.

---

“nothing left”

“Please don’t call me
Save us both the pain tonight
I’ll say that I’m just fine
But we both know that something just ain’t right
I gave a fuck about you
But it hurts to see that you still care
When there’s nothing left inside of me these days
I’m empty and there’s nothing left

You’re so tired of chasing shadows on the wall
Trying to be the net to break my fall
When you know that I have a tendency to feel nothing all
It makes me feel so small
Yeah, it makes me feel so fucking small

We both know I have nothing left
But emptiness and my regret
We both know I have nothing left
But emptiness and my regret
We both know I have nothing left
But emptiness and my regret

Please don’t call me
Save us both the pain tonight
I’ll say that I’m just fine
But we both know that something just ain’t right
I used to give a fuck about you
But now I’ve learnt to live without you
It hurts to see how much you really still care
When there’s nothing left
There’s nothing there

We both know I have nothing left
But emptiness and my regret
We both know I have nothing left
But emptiness and my regret
We both know I have nothing left
But emptiness and my regret

We both know I have nothing left
But emptiness and my regret
We both know I have nothing left
But emptiness and my regret
We both know I have nothing left
But emptiness and my regret”

---

Sound Alike;

Del Paxton – “Coast to Coast AM”

Track: #11
Title: “isolation”
Genre(s): Adult Contemporary, Alternative Rock, Emo
Length: 4:13
Label: Studio60 Records / Half-Moon Productions
Writer(s): Amy Meyer

The eleventh track from the album see’s a slight change of pace in terms of the instrumentation, with a palm muted acoustic guitar and the natural sounds coming through in the production of the track almost giving it a recorded at home vibe. It’s intention is for the track to feel raw and not at all tampered with in terms of the production which adds to it’s theme of struggles while being stuck at home only with your thoughts and the dark intro showcases this as Amy sings softly on this track, “I swear it’ll probably be three weeks until someone finds me/I could be hanging from the chains that bind me/Or overdosing on the pills that have always defined me/Stuck staring at these walls/Hoping that they’ll just tumble down/And bury me beneath it all.” Which immediately paints the picture of a person grappling with their demons in the silence of quarantine and isolation.

As is the design of the song, nothing is produced to perfection allowing the natural rawness of the song come through, the vocals are not perfect or heavily produced, the guitar playing increases slightly in tone as the strings are strummed with more force to emphasize the songs chorus while Amy sings over the acoustic tones, “Quarantine ain’t been so kind to me/I guess in a way/I haven’t made it so easy/Lonely nights/Without a crowd singing back at me/Seems so empty/Isolation has made it tough/To breathe.” Which is no doubt a chorus that many people can relate to during this most difficult of periods, where mental wellbeing is being tested and pushed to the limit and the mental and physical health of people is at the forefront of the worlds collective thoughts.

The guitar continues to play softly and emotively and Amy’s voice cracks as she delivers words from the next verse, “I’ve cut so many ties that I’m losing count/But the worst part is that I’ve cut the best people out/The ones that loved me/I’ve slowly turned them sour/And now there’s nobody to call on/During my darkest hour.” Again as she opens her own internal wounds fully, it sounds like the emotions almost get the best of her as she delivers the next line, a personal one about her own story, “The doctors gave me pills at thirteen/And they promised they would make things right/Now fourteen years later/I’ve achieved everything I could have imagined/But I’m not enjoying much of this life/Not enjoying much of this life.” Is almost painful to listen to but she manages to compose herself to deliver the previous verse again and the chorus once more before the acoustic tones play out the track.

---

“isolation”

“I swear it’ll probably be three weeks until someone finds me
I could be hanging from the chains that bind me
Or overdosing on the pills that have always defined me
Stuck staring at these walls
Hoping that they’ll just tumble down
And bury me beneath it all

Quarantine ain’t been so kind to me
I guess in a way
I haven’t made it so easy
Lonely nights
Without a crowd singing back at me
Seems so empty
Isolation has made it tough
To breathe

I’ve cut so many ties that I’m losing count
But the worst part is that I’ve cut the best people out
The ones that loved me
I’ve slowly turned them sour
And now there’s nobody to call on
During my darkest hour

The doctors gave me pills at thirteen
And they promised they would make things right
Now fourteen years later
I’ve achieved everything I could have imagined
But I’m not enjoying much of this life
Not enjoying much of this life

I’ve cut so many ties that I’m losing count
But the worst part is that I’ve cut the best people out
The ones that loved me
I’ve slowly turned them sour
And now there’s nobody to call on
During my darkest hour

Quarantine ain’t been so kind to me
I guess in a way
I haven’t made it so easy
Lonely nights
Without a crowd singing back at me
Seems so empty
Isolation has made it tough
To breathe”

---

Sound Alike;

beabadoobee – “How Was Your Day?”

Track: #13
Title: “save me from myself”
Genre(s): Adult Contemporary, Alternative Rock
Length: 2:13
Label: Studio60 Records / Half-Moon Productions
Writer(s): Amy Meyer

Track thirteen comes in as one of the shorter tracks on the record with the exceptions of the intro, outro and interludes. Beginning with an echo-infused Piano intro with the sound of a slight crackle in the air, the song is a slow one based on the melodic approach with Amy singing slowly and wistfully over the sounds of the lush piano tones as she delivers minimal words, “I’d thank the lord that I found you/But we haven’t been on speaking terms for some time/You put the light on all around me/And it hid the truth of the darkness as easily as a simple “I’m fine”” which highlights the idea that it used to always be easy for Amy to shrug off any difficulties that lay beneath the surface. She repeats the opening verse once more before arriving at the minimal chorus.

The approach with the song is short and to the point, she delivers the songs chorus in a similar manner to the opening verse using “Oh, woah” phrasing which brings to mind early Riot! once more as she sings it’s chorus, “Oh, woah/Save me from myself/Oh, woah/Save me from myself.” Before returning with the opening verse repeated once more, “I’d thank the lord that I found you/But we haven’t been on speaking terms for some time/You put the light on all around me/And it hid the truth of the darkness as easily as a simple “I’m fine” and repeated once more before closing things out with the brief chorus once more.

---

“save me from myself”

“I’d thank the lord that I found you
But we haven’t been on speaking terms for some time
You put the light on all around me
And it hid the truth of the darkness as easily as a simple “I’m fine”

I’d thank the lord that I found you
But we haven’t been on speaking terms for some time
You put the light on all around me
And it hid the truth of the darkness as easily as a simple “I’m fine”

Oh, woah
Save me from myself
Oh, woah
Save me from my own self

I’d thank the lord that I found you
But we haven’t been on speaking terms for some time
You put the light on all around me
And it hid the truth of the darkness as easily as a simple “I’m fine”

I’d thank the lord that I found you
But we haven’t been on speaking terms for some time
You put the light on all around me
And it hid the truth of the darkness as easily as a simple “I’m fine”

Oh, woah
Save me from myself
Oh, woah
Save me from my own self”

---

Sound Alike;

Amber Run – “5AM”

Track: #15
Title: “someday”
Genre(s): Adult Contemporary, Alternative Rock
Length: 2:25
Label: Studio60 Records / Half-Moon Productions
Writer(s): Amy Meyer

The fifteenth track begins with a strong electric guitar intro, with an echo reverb and repetitive finger picking style and is quickly joined by soft piano keys being played in the background, slightly fainter than the sound of the guitar it just subtly adds to the music which gives the song a slightly sunnier feel not hugely but you do get the feeling from the instrumentation that this is a slightly more hopeful song, but the opening lyrics push against that idea as Amy sings, “I don’t think I’ve felt/Anything real/All of this/Just feels so numb to me.” As she questions that what should have been the best times of her life gave her no real feeling at all, potentially talking about a period in a relationship or possibly linking this to the early success that she experienced as lead singer of Riot! In the Boulevard, either way it’s open to interpretation and gives the audience the opportunity to relate it to their own experiences.

The music continues in a similar fashion, again it feels slightly more uplifting than previous tracks but the lyrics contradict the sound slightly, it feels like there’s something more coming but the second verse once more pushes against this as Amy sings of sadness once more, “I’ve fallen so many times/But the worst one was most recently/Everything went dark/And I just didn’t want to see.” Which feels like it’s lifted from her experiences in the last two years which she has acknowledged were probably the darkest for her. We are given a long awaited pay-off and the indication that the instrumentation felt hopeful is evident as she sings the songs chorus, loudly and clearly, “Someday I’ll come back from this/Someday I’ll come back from this/Someday I’ll come back from this/Someday I’ll come back from this.” Which shows a sense of hopefulness and positivity giving a slight pay-off to the emotive and depressing songs of struggles.

This idea pushes forward even further as we reach the songs final verse, the music remaining very much the same with the structure continuing repetitively throughout, Amy sings and it makes you feel happy potentially for the first time in the album, it’s small steps but the direction feels right, “I’m in a sort of recovery/Trying to really get my head straight/Wrote some songs for the first time in a few years/Talked to a couple of my closest friends/My headspace is still fucked/But every day/I’m getting back up.” And she sings out the simple but hopeful chorus another couple of times which hopefully leads to a finale within the album that brings some sort of comfort and hope to the listener. Because it’s been a suicide watch ride so far. Just checking to see if you’re paying attention, I’d have stopped reading a while ago.

---

“someday”

“I don’t think I’ve felt
Anything real
All of this
Just feels so numb to me

I’ve fallen so many times
But the worst one was most recently
Everything went dark
And I just didn’t want to see

Someday I’ll come back from this
Someday I’ll come back from this
Someday I’ll come back from this
Someday I’ll come back from this

I’m in a sort of recovery
Trying to really get my head straight
Wrote some songs for the first time in a few years
Talked to a couple of my closest friends
My headspace is still fucked
But every day
I’m getting back up

Someday I’ll come back from this
Someday I’ll come back from this
Someday I’ll come back from this
Someday I’ll come back from this

Someday I’ll come back from this
Someday I’ll come back from this
Someday I’ll come back from this
Someday I’ll come back from this

---

Sound Alike;

The Japanese House – “Cool Blue”

Track: #17
Title: “chin up, kid”
Genre(s): Adult Contemporary, Alternative Rock
Length: 3:25
Label: Studio60 Records / Half-Moon Productions
Writer(s): Amy Meyer

The seventeenth track begins with a dreamy guitar intro that wouldn’t feel out of place in a scene from an Indie coming of age movie, it’s moving without being anything special and the tone just sets up the song perfectly with it’s mellow feeling and relaxing tone as Amy sings, “I don’t know what it is that sent me this way/They say depression can be passed on through the generations/But I’ve got three siblings that have their shit together/All I’ve got is mood swings that change just like the weather.” And it’s delivered with less sadness in the tone, it feels like there is brief indications of understanding and acceptance of the hand that has been dealt and the feeling that one way or another, you will carry on to another day or another moment where something other than complete sadness exists, like there’s something to keep going for.

This becomes quite clear as the guitar picks up the pace slightly, playing the same pattern but less slowly with a drumbeat that isn’t overpowering but just adds enough to the song to give it a swelling moment that almost feels a little sweet when you’ve sat and listened through devastation for the previous sixteen tracks, it’s instrumentation alone potentially says more than the lyrics but Amy delivers a brief glimpse of positivity and hope in the thought that things will get better as she sings, “Chin up, kid/You’ll be alright/Chin up, kid/I promise you’ll be fine.” It’s simplicity proving effective enough with the weight of the instrumentation behind it. Much like the majority of the album, the lyrics are simplistic and to the point where previously Amy’s writing style was more archaic and detailed, this very much cuts to the point with honesty and self-exploration.

The music continues with the primary lead guitar and drum combination, again delivering a movie scene backdrop as Amy delivers literal lyrics specific to her own experiences alone, “I grew up just outside of Vegas/A middle class kid/With dreams of being famous/That’s exactly what I did.” Which sets up the stakes and heights before immediately bringing it back down to earth, “But I’ve suffered for a long time/I remember my first episode to this very day/I was eight years old/Eight fucking years of age.” Which see’s her once more take personal moments from her life and deliver them heartfelt to the world, “I tried my best to keep it hid/Thought it would be triggering for the other kids/But I’ve accepted that it’s part of me/It’s how it’s always gonna be.” Which shows that she understands why she was afraid for so many years to not go into detail about her own struggle for fear of it influencing in the wrong ways, but acknowledging that it needs to be accepted and in the open in order to normalize a stigma that surrounds mental health and similar issues. She then delivers the songs slightly hopeful chorus before the guitar and drums fade out.

---

“chin up, kid”

“I don’t know what it is that sent me this way
They say depression can be passed on through the generations
But I’ve got three siblings that have their shit together
All I’ve got is mood swings that change just like the weather

Chin up, kid
You’ll be alright
Chin up, kid
I promise you’ll be fine

Chin up, kid
You’ll be alright
Chin up, kid
I promise you’ll be just fine

I grew up just outside of Vegas
A middle class kid
With dreams of being famous
That’s exactly what I did

But I’ve suffered for a long time
I remember my first episode to this very day
I was eight years old
Eight fucking years of age

I tried my best to keep it hid
Thought it would be triggering for the other kids
But I’ve accepted that it’s part of me
It’s how it’s always gonna be

Chin up, kid
You’ll be alright
Chin up, kid
I promise you’ll be fine

Chin up, kid
You’ll be alright
Chin up, kid
I promise you’ll be just fine”

---

Gates – “Everything That Always Will Be”

Track: #19
Title: “bandages and gauze”
Genre(s): Adult Contemporary, Alternative Rock
Length: 4:38
Label: Studio60 Records / Half-Moon Productions
Writer(s): Amy Meyer

The nineteenth track and penultimate track from the album begins with a powerfully moving piano melody which immediately indicates the emotive vibe of the song, Amy’s vocals arrive and their crisp and clear but the lyrics are delivered in a sombre and slow melancholic vibe as she contemplates her struggles and emotional turmoil that has played it’s part throughout her life, “My head has had some trauma but it didn’t give in/And my heart has seen so much pain through all of this living/I can’t say I lost some of my innocence/Because I didn’t have it/To begin with.” From the opening bars to the conclusion of the opening verse, it’s clear that this is a highly personal song that encompasses Amy’s personal history that hasn’t always been talked about previously in songs but has been explored throughout the entirety of her upcoming solo album, with it’s pop-ballad vibes, it’s also likely the most commercially viable song from the album by the same name but the themes continue to be raw and personal alongside the entire vibe of her new record.

The beautiful tones of the piano continue as we arrive at the second verse as Amy sings lyrics that add to the idea and emotions of the opening verse, “So much going on in my head/I should just give in/I can’t remember the last time I ever did some real living/It’s a survival of the fittest/But I just don’t fit in.” and the lyrics flow in a way that make you want to sing along, the melody’s within the track already are earworms and the lyrics add to this feeling, it’s one of those songs that are completely sad but you can’t help but sing along to and this isn’t more evident than when we arrive to the songs chorus.

It's probably one of the most addictive choruses Amy has written in her entire career and wouldn’t be out of place being sung by some of the biggest pop balladeers in the music industry, alongside the backdrop of the hauntingly beautiful piano and the way in which Amy delivers the lines slowly to emphasize the words even further just add to the songs power to draw you in as she sings, “I cover up all of my feelings/Bandages and gauze so tight I almost stop breathing/But I don’t look for help/Because that to me was so defeating/That to me was so defeating.” Which gets repeated at the end of the song but makes you want to reset the song back thirty seconds on your device to hear it again.

Amy then goes into further depth with the songs personal lyrics but they’re written in a way that is open for fans to interpret the lyrics and link them to their own struggles, again the piano emphasizing every syllable and word being sung, “But some days I just wish I could have been young and foolish/Had to grow up quicker than my school kids/Sink before I swim/Countless medicine/Felt like the water closing in/With my child sized lungs almost giving in.” which is then quickly followed by a hook which is a lot more specific to the situation Amy found herself in as a teenager fronting one of the biggest music acts of their time, “Why did they ever look at me as a leader?/Man, I don’t need that/They all thought I had made it/But I just hate this.”

We’re given a rapid-fire breakdown where she rushes out the lyrics with a frantic energy almost as if she doesn’t want the words to sit with her for too long, “I’m at war with myself/Battling my own mental health/I’m at war with myself/Battling my own mental health.” And we’re then given a repeated verse before the songs catchy chorus returns to close out the song and make sure that it remains with you long after the song has finished, “I cover up all of my feelings/Bandages and gauze so tight I almost stop breathing/But I don’t look for help/Because that to me was so defeating/That to me was so defeating”

---

“bandages and gauze”

“My head has had some trauma but it didn’t give in
And my heart has seen so much pain through all of this living
I can’t say I lost some of my innocence
Because I didn’t have it
To begin with

So much going on in my head
I should just give in
I can’t remember the last time I ever did some real living
It’s a survival of the fittest
But I just don’t fit in

I cover up all of my feelings
Bandages and gauze so tight I almost stop breathing
But I don’t look for help
Because that to me was so defeating
That to me was so defeating

But some days I just wish I could have been young and foolish
Had to grow up quicker than my school kids
Sink before I swim
Countless medicine
Felt like the water closing in
With my child sized lungs almost giving in

Why did they ever look at me as a leader?
Man, I don’t need that
They all thought I had made it
But I just hate this

I’m at war with myself
Battling my own mental health
I’m at war with myself
Battling my own mental health

But some days I just wish I could have been young and foolish
Had to grow up quicker than my school kids
Sink before I swim
Countless medicine
Felt like the water closing in
With my child sized lungs almost giving in

I cover up all of my feelings
Bandages and gauze so tight I almost stop breathing
But I don’t look for help
Because that to me was so defeating
That to me was so defeating”

---

Sound Alike;

LANY – “Malibu Nights”